Monday, October 25, 2010

The SoSG 2011 Off-the-Field Plan

Inspired by MSTI's comprehensive roster makeover (here and here), SoSG dug deep to scrape together five things Dodgers management can do — off the field — to improve the fan experience:

1. Free parking. It worked before, and the Dodgers could use the good publicity. In fact, hopefully it would work so well that fans would boycott games until the team offered it every game, creating massive revenue losses — thereby forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Dodgers.

2. A new team logo. What does a multimillion-dollar corporation do after decades of infrastructure investment and cultivating customer loyalty? Change their logo, of course! @LADDesignGuy could come up with something suitably hideous, causing massive fan resentment and a debilitating loss of ticket revenue — thereby forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Dodgers.

3. Turn the hunt for a fifth starter into a reality show. The Situation can't dance, but can he hurl? Find out when a gaggle of the finest Z-list celebrities joins the Dodgers at Camelback Ranch to compete for the coveted title of Least Crappy Pitching Reclamation Project. Only on Versus! The spectacle of a baseball version of "Hard Knocks" would make the McCourt divorce seem like a mere humiliation appetizer, causing irreparable damage to the franchise — thereby forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Dodgers.

4. Play "Don't Stop Believin' " — between every inning. Just a small-town girl...READY TO KILL THE DODGER STADIUM MUSIC OPERATOR. Home attendance drops, Steve Perry sues, ASCAP wins — thereby forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Dodgers.

5. Rename Dodger Stadium. "This isn't the game I grew up with! The game played in the misty ballparks of Enron Field, or Pac Bell, then SBC, now AT&T Park." It's an open secret that Frank could make a mint selling the naming rights to Dodger Stadium — which he has resisted doing thus far. But if Jamie takes him to the cleaners, the Boys in Blue could soon be playing at Fatburger Field. Vin Scully, however, would refuse to utter the name, causing a media firestorm and leading fans and players alike to boycott the team — thereby forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Dodgers.

7 comments:

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Orel, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you want Frank to sell the team.

Steve Sax said...

Of course, there's always 2A: alternate home sunday day games in july jerseys...

Spanky said...

"ASCAP wins"

Music Bizz snark much appreciated, Orel.

And I do own an Ibanez guitar.

sellSellSELL

Dusty Baker said...

Lots of time to let the hate build to a crescendo on Wednesday eve. Focus on the hate, people. Channel it. Hate on!

Josh S. said...

My whole life is played in Fatburger Field.

Dusty Baker said...

I'd be remiss if I didn't add:

I like White Castle cause it's the best/
But I'm fly at Fatburger when I'm way out West.
Check it.

Spanky said...

Dusty is the fourth Beastie. Hold it now. Hit it!