Friday, July 31, 2009

100SS: Day 4 Results

From today's GT (Game 103), results of day four of 100SS (rules are posted here). Here's the count of the game:

100: Mr. LA Sports Fan sticks a very clean landing for +100

200: Orel pads himself with 199 but gets 200 as well for +50 points; Josh S -40

300: Orel +300; Alex Cora -30, Eric Karros -60

Orel extends his lead to 1390, and Mr LA SF takes over second place with 860 points to Eric Karros' 840. Sidebar updated!

Good luck tomorrow in Game 5! You gotta be in it to win it!

Post-Game 103 Thread: Welcome to the Dodgers


Welcome to the Dodgers, George Sherrill, a.k.a. Flat Breezy, a.k.a. Death to Lefties. You and your back-to-the-plate delivery were impressive in your debut in Dodger Blue, coming in with two on and no out. Three strikeouts (with a walk to Chipper Jones mixed in) got the team over the seventh-inning hump.

Welcome to the Dodgers, the Jason Schmidt We Never Knew Existed. Six scoreless innings, 87 pitches, one hit, three strikeouts? All while never breaking 90 mph (according to Gameday)? On a day when the Dodgers didn't acquire a new starter, they may have learned one was with them all the while.

Welcome to the Dodgers, the Andre Ethier Who Hits Home Runs on the Road. Of your 21 home runs, five have come on the road — including tonight's three-run blast in the fifth inning. You ended up going 2-for-5 with four RBIs, especially helpful since Manny (1-for-4) is in a slump.

Other heroes: Matt Kemp, with a superfine catch in the ninth, and James McDonald, with two innings of scoreless relief.

Sherrill photo by Jon SooHoo/Dodgers; all other photos by John Bazemore/AP

It's Hard Out There for a Pimp

Apparently, sports journalism doesn't bring in the riches like it used to. How else does one explain this little nugget from Nashua, "Longtime NH sports writer accused of running prostitution ring, advertising services online":

A veteran sports reporter for New Hampshire's largest newspaper was accused Wednesday of running a prostitution ring in two states and Canada featuring women who had auditioned for him.

Kevin Provencher advertised his prostitution ring's services on Craigslist and other Web sites and rented hotel rooms in Andover, Mass., and in New Hampshire where the women would have sex for money, prosecutors said. He set up a similar operation in Canada, Essex Assistant District Attorney Michelle Defeo told the New Hampshire Union Leader, the newspaper for which he has worked as a sports writer for more than two decades.

I feel a strange kinship with this Milford Madame. For one, I'm connected to the sports journalism world (not unlike how Tom Green is connected to the world of acting). I've spent time in New Hampshire, where I was praised by the local press for my "whiny, desperate" performance in Tea and Sympathy.

Role not pictured.

In fact, the only difference between me and him - I DON'T RUN A BROTHEL. (Though in the interest of full disclosure, I did date a woman who lived next to a house of ill repute. But that's a story for a non-Sabbath day.)

100SS: Day 3 Results

From last night's GT (Game 102):

Mr. LASF: This is tense.

Orel: The game, or 100SS?

Results of day three of 100SS (rules are posted here). Here's the count of the game:

100: Sax does not claim, karina -10

200: Eric Karros swoops in for +200, fanerman -60

300: NicJ does not claim, fanerman -30, cabell -90, rbnlaw -120

400: Orel with a clean +400

500: Mr LA SF claims, but with about 20 setup comments he is awarded 0 points (and about 1000 effort points, btw; still a well-done job!)

Orel takes a commanding lead with 1040. Eric Karros has 900 and Mr LA SF at 760. The punitive nature of this game is amazing, as only five of the 13 players have positive scores. Sidebar is now updated!

Good luck today in Game 4! You gotta be in it to win it!

Manny Ramirez Bobblehead #2

From Eric Stephen at True Blue LA:

Hopefully they get the back pocket right this time. September 16 is the date for this curtain call bobblehead.

It Comes and Goes, It Comes and Goes

Dodgers say no deals today (Bill Shaikin, The Fabulous Forum @LA Times)

Jake Peavy Dealt To White Sox Again
Rockies Acquire Joe Beimel

Game 103 Thread: July 31 @ Braves, 4:30p

Jason Schmidt (1-1, 7.88) vs. Tommy Hanson (5-1, 2.95).

COMMENTS: Talk about a study in contrasts. Today the Dodgers start a once overpowering pitcher ending his career as a overpaid paperweight, and the Braves start a 22-year-old hotshot rookie with a plus-fastball and his entire career ahead of him. Do you like where this is going? I do not.

Atlanta, third place in the NL East with a 52-50 record, is 10-11 against NL West teams this season. Today would be a wonderful day to witness the Dodger bats thaw further, as we would hate to continue "all the weeping, moaning and teeth-gnashing about the weak offense of a team that's [24] games over .500," as my Mets fan friend puts it.

(100SS. Game 4. Right here.)

Trade Thread: Rottino in the Brewers' Past(a)

Dodgers trade Claudio Vargas to Brewers for minor-league catcher (Dodger Thoughts)

So long, Claudio Vargas, we hardly knew ye. Is this a setup for a future trade?

From a Dodgers press release:

The Los Angeles Dodgers today announced that they have acquired minor league catcher Vinny Rottino from the Milwaukee Brewers in exchange for right-handed pitcher Claudio Vargas. Dodger General Manager Ned Colletti made the announcement.

Rottino, 29, has appeared briefly in the Major Leagues for Milwaukee in each of the past three seasons and was named to the Pacific Coast League All-Star team last season when he posted a 24-game hitting streak. The Wisconsin native has made the PCL All-Star team each of the past three years and has been named to his league’s All-Star team in each season dating back to 2004 when he recorded a team record 124 RBI for Single-A Beloit. [...]

Rottino is expected to report to Double-A Chattanooga.

It Looks Like Such a Nice Place, Too

Busch Stadium at sunset during yesterday's game.

Matt Kemp, buster of slumps.

James Loney and Kemp share the awkwardest bro-hug ever.

photo 1 by Jon SooHoo/Dodgers; photos 2 & 3 by Tom Gannam/AP

Full Disclosure vs. Radio Silence

Which is the better strategy when dealing with PED allegations? Yesterday's non-bombshell report that Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz are on baseball's 2003 positive test list provides a study in public-relations contrasts. Manny, who has refused to address the matter directly since his suspension in May, continues to refuse to address the matter directly.

Ortiz, on the other hand, is working overtime to maintain his nice-guy image, saying, "One, I have already contacted the Players Association to confirm if this report is true. I have just been told that the report is true. Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive.

"Two, I will find out what I tested positive for. And, three, based on whatever I learn, I will share this information with my club and the public. You know me -- I will not hide and I will not make excuses."

Is Ortiz digging himself into a hole? Maybe he already has. "I have just been told that the report is true....I am surprised to learn I tested positive" means he wasn't informed of his test results at the time.

But according to acknowledged PED user Paul Lo Duca, "Everybody knows if they were on that list. When you got tested that got told." (Indeed, ESPN reports: "According to the Mitchell report, all players who failed the test in 2003 were notified by September 2004.")

Where does this leave Ortiz? While his statement can technically be true — he didn't say this was the first time he had been notified, and he could still be surprised after all these years — Ortiz doesn't seem the type to hide behind legalese.

But given that Step One in his tripartite mission already contains some dubious assertions, it's hard to believe whatever Ortiz says from this point on will be the unvarnished truth. And he's already committed to saying it. Maybe Manny had the right idea all along.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Post-Game 102 Thread: Beat Thee in St. Louis


Finally. Finally. Finally.

Player of the game: Matt Kemp (above), who hit a two-out, two-RBI single in the tenth inning to put the Dodgers ahead for good. (He ended up going 3-for-5 with three RBIs.) Nothing like a clutch hit to send the team to Atlanta in a good mood.

Honorable mentions: Hiroki Kuroda (6.0 IP, 2 ER), Hong-Chih Kuo (who struck out Rick Ankiel on three straight heaters after Joe Torre ordered Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday intentionally walked to load the bases in the eighth) and Jonathan Broxton (who got Pujols, the tying run, on a weak dribbler back to the mound to end the game).

Also, Rafael Furcal had a two-RBI double as his only hit of the game, and Casey Blake went 4-for-5, scoring two runs.

Good-bye, St. Louis, home of home-field advantage. If the Dodgers never return to play at Busch Stadium, it'll be too soon.

Game 102 Thread: July 30 @ Cardinals, 5p

Hiroki Kuroda (3-5, 4.57) vs. Kyle Lohse (4-6, 4.35).

COMMENTS: Did you sit through last night's slogfest? Did you see the announcement that Jason Schmidt is scheduled to start tomorrow? Yeah, I'd be depressed too.

If it seems the Dodgers can't score to save their lives — they have 33 hits but only three runs over the last three games — then Lohse might be just what the executioner ordered. It's his fourth start since coming off the disabled list earlier this month; in his last outing, he was roughed up by the Phillies. Of course, they had the help of Cliff Lee, who, upon learning he was traded to Philadelphia, traveled back in time and actually had a pinch-hit RBI single. The Dodgers won't have that advantage because Ned Colletti refuses to trade Clayton Kershaw.

(Don't forget this is Game 3 of SoSG's 100SS series!)

100 Is Hot!

100SS. 100 pitches. When did 100 become the official number of SoSG? Thanks to reader Koufax for passing along this very good article by Tim Kurkjian at "Baseball's magic number: 100." Kurkjian examines the many factors which have gone into lowering the average number of pitches a starter throws per game. There's interviews with Orel Hershiser (who once threw 169 pitches in a game — and may have paid the price) and Bud Black, among others. And graphs! Lots of graphs!

Developing Done: George Sherrill

George Sherrill Traded To Dodgers? (MLBTR)

UPDATE: From Ken Gurnick:

The Dodgers shored up their bullpen Thursday by acquiring Baltimore closer George Sherrill in exchange for two prospects, slugging third baseman Josh Bell and riht-handed pitcher Steve Johnson, according to baseball sources.

The List That Keeps on Giving

Report: Manny, Ortiz tested positive (

Happiness in Heartbreak

In a rare unguarded moment, Andre Ethier smiles before the game.

Matt Kemp manages not to be distracted by all the pretty flowers. Apparently 12 out of every 13 Cardinal fans know how to follow a play.

Always look on the dark side: If Manny Ramirez hadn't made this catch, the bullpen would be more rested today.

Ah, innocent times. Manny and Clayton Kershaw celebrate Manny's heroics.

photos by Jon SooHoo/Dodgers

National League to Fight Celestial Battles

I'm not sure who's doing the artwork over at, but I'm guessing they're wearing a white turtleneck at all times.

My G-d. It's Full of Stars

Is Ned Colletti on a Snipe Hunt?

Let's hope Mark Loretta doesn't get a chance to make his second pitching appearance of the season.

At first the Dodgers were supposedly in the market for a starting pitcher. They haven't had a regular fifth starter all season, and critics complained that Chad Billingsley wasn't a real ace, or that Clayton Kershaw was too young to be counted on. But the Blue Jays were asking for the deed to Dodger Stadium in return for Roy Halladay, and Cleveland chose to raid the Phillies' prospect pantry instead of the Dodgers'.

Then we heard the Dodgers were in the market for a reliever. After Ronald Belisario went on the disabled list, it seems every reliever in the bullpen hit a rough stretch or two. While the return of Hong-Chih Kuo is helpful, he can't be relied upon to stay healthy.

Now, after yet another game in which the Dodgers lose while outhitting the opposition, it wouldn't be surprising to hear that the team was shopping for a bat. (Note: The speculation is entirely mine. I'm not basing it on any rumors.) Victor Martinez is supposedly available, as are a host of less desirable names (Nick Johnson, Marco Scutaro).

These shifting priorities show there's no single acquisition Ned Colletti can make that will solve all the team's problems — unless Albert Pujols learns how to pitch and demands a trade to the NL West. The breadth of the Dodgers' talent, which served them so well during the first half, is now being cited as the reason they need to make a trade.

To an extent, it's easy to see why: The starters have mostly been good for only five or six innings, and the staff lacks an experienced stopper with complete-game potential. As a result, the bullpen, while effective, has been overworked. And situational hitting has been killing the team lately, with LOBs and GIDPs piling up like bad alphabet soup.

With the team's first slump of the season coinciding with the trade deadline, Dodger fans are holding their breath. Outside help would be welcomed — if the price isn't too high. But fans and management should realize that, unlike last year's deadline acquisition of Manny Ramirez, there's no magic bullet (or snipe, if you will) that will put the team over the top. Expectations, and costs, are much higher this time around.

Loretta photo by Jon SooHoo/Dodgers

100SS: Day 2 Results

Another rollicking day in 100SS (as you recall, rules are posted here).

Here's my count (but please let me know in these comments if I've missed any calls):

100: Eric Karros +100, Alex Cora -10

200: Mr LA SF +200, J Steve -20, Koufax -40, Orel -60 (I am not knocking Erin #2 given she called "100" rather than "200"--going forward, miscalling the hundred will not be awarded points, either)

300: J Steve +300, Mr LA SF -30, Erin #2 -60

400: Eric Karros +400, J Steve -40 and -80, Mr LA SF -120

500: unclaimed +500, fanerman -100

600: rbnlaw +600, Mr LA SF -60, Erin #2 -120

700: Orel +700, rbnlaw -70

800: Mr LASF +800 (wow!), rbnlaw -80

Mr LA SF vaults into first place with 760; Eric Karros has 700, Orel has 640, and rbnlaw 450. Sidebar will be updated.

***not sure if Erin and Erin #2 are the same person; please indicate in the comments if I should combine***

Good luck today!

Even With 50% Odds, We Still Are The Underdog Today

50% odds, and yet we're still not the favorite. I suppose you've gotta expect this, given we've dropped the first three games of the series and haven't had any offense in any of the three contests. Yay.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Post-Game 101 Thread: Is This St. Louis? No, It's Hell


This just in: St. Louis is where the Dodgers go to die. A one-run lead with two out in the ninth inning devolved into a 15-inning whiff-fest ending in, yes, another Cardinals win.

But first, the good stuff. In the longest outing of his career, Clayton Kershaw was outstanding beyond words, needing only 112 pitches to hold the Cardinals scoreless over eight innings. He gave up only four hits and had seven strikeouts. Remember, he's 21 years old. As Phil Gurnee at True Blue LA says, not for sale at any price. Well put.

There was defense from unexpected sources as well. With the Cardinals threatening to score with two men on, Manny Ramirez made a spectacular catch to end the seventh:

And Andre Ethier made this spectacular catch to end the 11th:

Unfortunately, Jonathan Broxton ran into more two-out trouble, allowing the tying run in the ninth (his third blown save of the season). The two teams traded punchless punches from that point on, except for a scoring Matt Kemp sacrifice fly in the 11th, which Ramon Troncoso gave back in the bottom of the inning. But Hong-Chih Kuo and Guillermo Mota did their jobs, and Jeff Weaver pitched 2 2/3 heroic scoreless innings until Albert "God" Pujols touched him up for the winning run in the 15th.

Time of game: four hours, 53 minutes. Dodger hits: 13; Cardinal hits: 11. Losing streak: 4. Danger of first series sweep: alive.

Kershaw photo by Jeff Roberson/AP

DeDog DeShields Did Not Like That Hit One Bit

Giants Pick Up a Bat

From "Sanchez to Giants for Alderson" at

The San Francisco Giants, taking another step to upgrade the National League's 15th ranked offense, acquired three-time All-Star Freddy Sanchez from Pittsburgh on Wednesday for pitching prospect Tim Alderson.

Sanchez, 31, won the National League batting title in 2006. He's hitting .296 this year and ranks fifth in the major leagues in doubles. He helps upgrade a San Francisco offense that ranks 15th in the National League in runs scored.

The Giants, 54-46 and tied with Colorado for first in the NL wild card race, have remade the right side of their infield leading up to Friday's trade deadline. They acquired first baseman Ryan Garko in a trade with Cleveland on Monday, and will now plug in Sanchez at second base.

The Giants paid a big price for Sanchez in surrendering Alderson, who was ranked by Baseball America as the No. 4 prospect in the San Francisco organization entering this season. Alderson, 20, is 6-foot-6 and 217 pounds. He has a 7-2 record and a 3.65 ERA in two minor league stops this season.

Even though the Phillies were able to retain their most-valued minor leaguers in acquiring Cliff Lee, that it still took four of their top ten Baseball America prospects is a sign that difference-making players cost a lot. You can bet some Giants fans are upset at having to give up Alderson for Sanchez. Which is why it shouldn't cost the Dodgers current major-league players to acquire help. The currency du jour is baseball is prospects. Let's see if Ned Colletti follows the direction of the market.

Game 101 Thread: July 29 @ Cardinals, 5p

Clayton Kershaw (8-5, 2.96) vs. Joel Pineiro (9-9, 2.95).

COMMENTS: In their past five starts, the Dodgers have a 1-4 record, have been outscored 33-14 — and outhit their opponents 52-50. (They also stranded a total of 44 men on base.) The main culprits for this mini losing streak have been poor situational hitting and an ineffective bullpen.

Dodger players have the additional pressure of knowing other NL teams are improving...with more deals on the way. Dodger fans have the additional pressure of knowing Vin Scully's wonderful ride has an end date. But at least Mark Loretta pitched last night. How cool was that?

P.S.: Don't forget 100SS rules still apply!

For Vin Scully, the End Is Near(ish)

Want more not-so-great news?

Vin Scully announces tentative '10 retirement plan (Dodger Thoughts)
Vin Scully To Retire After 2010 (True Blue LA)

Phillies Cake and Eat It Too

From "Sources: Phils to get Lee from Indians" at

The Philadelphia Phillies and Cleveland Indians agreed to a trade that would bring Cliff Lee to the NL East leaders along with outfielder Ben Francisco for four minor leaguers, according to major league sources.

Triple-A right-hander Carlos Carrasco, Class A righty Jason Knapp, catcher Lou Marson -- the likely heir apparent to Victor Martinez -- and shortstop Jason Donald will be sent to Cleveland.

The trade is pending physical exams.

The Phillies weren't required to give up pitcher J.A. Happ or the three prospects they balked at trading for Roy Halladay -- outfielders Dominic Brown and Michael Taylor, and pitcher Kyle Drabek.

Say Hello to Your Crow Overlords

We have something of a crow infestation in our neighborhood. It's nice to know they're merely biding their time until they enslave us all:

SoSG Advice Column Takes on Hollywood

Welcome to the inaugural SoSG Advice Column! Today's subject is something that's been on everybody's minds: employment. Specifically, employment in this crazy town. And...action!


Awhile back I read the "About the Sons" section on your site. Whereupon I found the following:

  • Three Sons are associated with the entertainment/media industry, and have entries on

That is where my problem comes in. I also work in television production, though I am having a hard time finding my next project. Perhaps if those three Sons hear of anything they could pass my resume along. I understand the freelance television industry works largely off of recommendations, and while we've never worked together before (at least I've never seen any Steve Sax's, or Orel's, or EK's on the staff lists), how bad can a fellow Dodger fan/ Production Staffer really be? Thanks for your consideration.

—Hollywood Dodger Fan

"George Burns was right: Show business is a hideous bitch goddess."
—Bart Simpson, "Radioactive Man"

Dear HDF,

Although SoSG can't get you a job right now, perhaps our advice can help you land one in the future.

1. Save up. Freelancers have to live a little differently than folks with "regular" jobs. Medical coverage is always an issue and vacations are next to impossible to plan. But the thorniest issue is money management. A freelancer's cash flow can be as irregular as Artie Lange's dopamine level. If you can be a good saver while working and sock away six months to a year of living expenses, it will make surviving the dry spells much easier.

Also, don't forget: Unemployment insurance is your friend. And as your career evolves, consider incorporating to maximize your tax benefits.

2. Keep in touch. Maintain contact with people you've worked with in the past. As you've noted, the industry works largely off of recommendations, and you don't want to be known as the person who calls only because you need a rec.

However, there's an etiquette to keeping in touch. Sending "just checking in" e-mails is good, but don't do it more than once every three or four months. Keep it friendly and concise, and don't overload it with too many questions. Only attach your resume if it's been updated.

The trick is to politely stay in that person's mind while not taking up their time. That way, when the opportunity arises to contact them for a legitimate reason — a recommendation, or picking their brain for advice — you're not asking them out of the blue. And who knows, maybe they'll even put you up for a job.

(Oh yeah, if the person responds? RESPOND BACK, even if just to say thanks. If they ask a question, even a polite one? ANSWER IT. You'd be surprised how many people neglect this step.)

3. Groom those credits. Perhaps the only thing more vital to a freelancer's career than recommendations is screen credits. Producers do verify them, so make sure your resume is accurate. If you performed work but didn't receive screen credit, disclose it. If you shared screen credit, disclose it. If there's anything about a screen credit might be questionable, play it safe and disclose it (you can explain if they ask you during the interview).

Maintain your IMDb profile and make sure it's consistent with your resume. (And unless you're above-the-line talent, adding your own picture and/or detailed biography to your IMDb profile can come off as amateurish.) Also, keep tabs on other sources of professional information about you, such as InBaseline. Google around and see if others in your position have LinkedIn profiles.

Speaking of your resume, make different versions of it if you're applying for different positions. Believe it or not, certain screen credits can actually work against you, especially if you're trying to change job classifications.

4. Don't be a starfucker. These difficult times are forcing people to assess their careers. Why are you in the industry? Is it to meet famous people? Is it to win an Oscar? Those are fine aspirations, but they shouldn't your primary motivation. There may be glamorous moments in an industry job, but at the end of the day, it's still just a job. At the same time, with the things an industry job sometimes forces you to sacrifice — time, regular employment, dignity — you'd be remiss not to enjoy its cooler moments. Have fun with them but don't depend on them.

5. Learn the dance. Have a creative opinion? Of course you do. But watch how you express it. If you're in a non-creative position, that means waiting to be asked (which may be never). If you're in a creative position, say it in a way that's best for the project (i.e., don't make it personal).

And don't worry so much about getting credit for your ideas, because the director, a producer or a studio exec is going to claim it anyway. (Unless you’re the director, a producer or a studio exec, in which case go nuts.) Remember, there's no creative process that politics and infighting can't ruin.

Have a problem, be it personal, professional or otherwise? Write us!

ESPN Zone to Offer 'Unlimited Dodger Dogs for $10'

CORRECTION: Thanks to Josh S. for pointing out this event was actually last night. But it's a regular event, so check the links for the next one.

Attention all you AYCE aficionados: This just in, from Formula PR:

ESPN Zone at LA Live will host a Dodgers viewing party Tuesday night at 5 p.m. that will include an all-you-can-eat buffet for Dodgers fans complete with unlimited Dodger Dogs for $10 as the Blue Crew travels to St. Louis to face the Cardinals.

Dodgers fan will be able to watch the game on any of ESPN Zone's 150-plus high-definition screens, including a 25-foot high-definition big screen in the Screening Room or during bathroom breaks on TVs above the urinals in the men's room.

That's right: all-you-can-eat Dodger Dogs and all-you-can-pee urinals. What more could you ask for? Besides a Dodgers victory?

Official links:

photo from Flickr user andykahn

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

100SS: Day 1 Results

Wow, an interesting day in 100SS (as you recall, rules are posted here).

Here's my count (but please let me know in these comments if I've missed any calls):


  • Erin claims 98 and 99, but misses 100 so is penalized 0 points
  • Neeebs gets 100 but with no claim, it's a miss
  • Mr. LA SF loses 10 points for 101
  • Erin loses 20 points for 102
  • Neeebs loses 30 points for 103


  • Eric Karros comes out of fricking nowhere and snags 200, winning 200 points
  • Mr LA SF loses 20 points for 201

So, the running score is EK with 200 points, Erin with -20, and Neeebs and Mr LA SF tied with -30. A dominant performance by EK! Sidebar will be updated.

See you tomorrow, sports fans!

Post-Game 100 Thread: Three In A Row


Okay, so there you have it. It took 100 games, but the Dodgers finally lost three in a row, which will certainly drop them in the vaunted Power Rankings despite still having the best record in the majors and a eight-game lead over the second-place Rockies, the largest division lead in the majors. Happy now, national media? Rejoicing, Bill Plaschke? Freaked out, Dodger fans?

Not I, says the Sax. Slumps are bound to happen, and this twenty-game stretch was always going to be a grind. Let's just hope that today's pathetic offensive output and sixth-inning meltdown by Chad Billingsley doesn't lead Ned Colletti to any rash decisions...three days before the trade deadline.


Dodger Superfan Kim Kardashian and former godlike runningback Reggie Bush have called it quits.

"They were the cutest couple," another source tells PEOPLE. "They loved each other so much but they hardly saw each other. He starts his football training camp this week and she starts filming Keeping up with the Kardashians this week. They just need a break right now."

Inspired by The Jerk, Ms. Kardashian will be looking for her new boyfriend by opening up the phonebook and picking a name at random. Or maybe she'll get back with former co-star Ray J.

He IS a Machine

Congrats to Mark Buehrle on 42 straight batters of awesomeness.

Game 100 Thread: July 28 @ Cardinals, 5.15p

Chad Billingsley (10-5, 3.72) vs. Adam "Loudon" Wainwright (11-6, 2.95).

COMMENTS: Once again, the Dodgers sit on the precipice of a three-game losing streak, something they've avoided all year long. So it's fitting that, two days after a hack LATimes writer called him out, Billingsley gets the chance to show if he can be that ace under pressure that the Dodgers apparently "don't have." True, Bills has struggled a bit of late, needing the Manny pinch hit grand slam to earn his 10th victory. But I'm guessing Chad has enough gumption tonight to win it for himself--and not for the fear of a three-game losing streak or the hack journalists without a clue. Just win it for you, Your Royal Thighness!

As a reminder, this game also debuts the new SoSG insipid time-wasting game, "One Hundred Splendid Sons", or 100SS. Complete rules are posted here, but the point is for us to have fun in the Game Thread competing for the 100-multipled comments. That way, even if the Dodgers fall to the Cardinals, we SoSGers can still have fun while it's grey in LA. I mean, when it's grey in LA, I sure like it that way, 'cause there's way too much sunshine 'round here. I don't know about you; I get so sick of blue skies whenever they always appear.

New Sidebar Poll: Lifetime Pass

With those incessant trade rumors circulating around the media and blogosphere (blogomediasphere?) lately, much virtual ink has been spilled about what, if anything, the Dodgers should give up in order to fortify the team for a playoff run. Should we stick with the roster that got us here, or try to stay one step ahead of our NL neighbors?

The mere thought of losing any of our youthful core puts me into a mild panic, so I thought we'd ask our readers if they feel the same way and, if so, which Dodger they feel is the most untouchable.

Which current homegrown Dodger would you most like to see spend his entire career with the Dodgers?

  • Chad Billingsley
  • Jonathan Broxton
  • Blake DeWitt
  • Matt Kemp
  • Clayton Kershaw
  • James Loney
  • Russell Martin
  • James McDonald
  • Cory Wade

Vote in the poll on our sidebar!

A Confederacy of Dumbasses

The Delino's East Coast/Mets leanings have not been the best-kept secret on SoSG. (The best-kept secret? Steve Sax is actually one of the lesser-known Kardashians.) But during weeks like this, it's hard to keep silent.

Where to begin with this so-called team? The talented pitchers they let go over the years, including most recently Heath Bell and Scott Kazmir? The monster contract they gave to OLIVER PEREZ? Well, right now, all of that pales in comparison to the daily activities of the head office. Last week, VP for player development Tony Bernazard got in touch with his inner Hulkster and challenged the minor-league Binghamton crew to a fight.

According to the report, Bernazard pulled off his shirt and challenged some members of the Double-A Binghamton Mets during a postgame tirade.

A source told the News that Bernazard directed a slang term associated with a woman's anatomy at [second baseman Jose] Coronado, who is hitting .250 in 58 games for Binghamton.

I know I hate being called a "Urethral Opening." Then this week, the hits keep coming (and strangely enough for the 2009 Mets, they came on the field too). Omar Minaya told Bernazard to take a 20-foot walk off a 10-foot pier, and got in touch with his inner Oliver Stone by BLAMING BERNAZARD'S PROBLEMS ON A MEDIA CONSPIRACY.

Omar Minaya's press conference to announce the firing of embattled executive Tony Bernazard turned into another Mets circus Monday when the GM tried a smoke screen tactic - assailing Daily News reporter Adam Rubin, who covers the Mets and broke several stories detailing Bernazard's transgressions.

About three hours later, in another odd scene, Minaya, with his boss, Met COO Jeff Wilpon, standing by his right shoulder, came to the press box saying he stood by his rips of Rubin, but apologized for not doing it in the "proper forum."

There's little joy in Queens nowadays. Maybe the Mets will limp into the wild card. Though at this point, I think it's more likely the Nationals will overtake them. I'd call the Mutts an asylum run by the inmates, but that implies SOMEONE'S making decisions.

At least I have these...

SoSG Chain Fiction Is Here!

Here, fellow co-authors, is your complete SoSG Chain Fiction story. I think you will be amazed at the what the combination of collective creativity and withholding pertinent information can produce. Enjoy!


          One night Frank McCourt comes home earlier than expected from a business trip without notifying Jamie. He notices a strange car in the driveway, enters his home and thinks he hears a male voice upstairs in the bedroom. Growing increasingly worried (and angry), he runs upstairs and swings open the bedroom door to find his ever faithful wife Matilda sliding on a Giants cap and jersey. "How could you do this to me?" he exclaimed. "It's not what you think," she replied. It was hard to see, but Frank didn't know there was a perfectly good explanation for what was happening.

          You see, he went to a bargain basement clinic to get his lasik eye surgery. I’m not talking about the bargain basement places you see in the backs of phone books - he found this flyer nailed to a telephone pole. And boy howdy did he want to learn the guitar!

          "Who is this Dan Smith character and why is he so sure he can teach me guitar? He doesn't even know me!" But he had to try. Lifelong dreams die hard and this man's offer was probably his last chance. He stepped up to the foul line, knowing he only had to sink one free-throw to send the Los Angeles Clippers to the playoffs. A bead of sweat ran down his face.

          Mike Dunleavy looked at him with heavy anticipation. The tension in the room was thicker than Pablo Sandoval’s midsection. Finally, Blake turned and said, “fine. Trade me to Philadelphia for a cheesesteak.” Satisfied with his deal-making prowess, Mike knew it was time to enter that arm-wrestling contest. It took him just three seconds to realize he had made a terrible mistake.

          Naturally he didn't know what to. School hadn't trained him for it and the internet could only go into so much detail on the matter. He had to ask someone who knew the answer from experience. How about Mr. Durocher?. He was a very kind British man, that lived in a small house at Ebbets St. He banged the curious cowbell on the door.

          Mrs. Hilda Durocher welcomed him with a warm smile. He quickly climbed into his dodger pajamas, said his nightly dodger prayers, and hoped for dodger dreams that included a 2009 world series, capped with a Chad Billingsley perfect game.

          That dream came true, and perfect the game would be indeed, with 27 strikeouts over those nine innings. If only the dreaded leprechaun would stay away for just one night and let him sleep. But that had been the deal: Billingsley's soul in exchange for one amazing, perfect game. Yet, disappointment in this deal lingered in the air, like the stench of Lasorda’s swelling feet after a day at the pasta bar.

          In the meantime, a ragtag group of Dodger bloggers were last seen shuffling down the road, muttering nonsensical limericks about beast modes, parking lots and man-breasts. Their task, to somehow overcome the perceived East Coast bias of major cable sports networks. Sure, the job was formidable, hell, maybe even insurmountable, but these bloggers were up to the challenge.

          Led by a man they only know as "Orel," (yes, he's heard all of the off-color jokes that go with the name) the bloggers knew what they had to do and who they had to do it to, even if it meant ending a sentence with a preposition. It wasn't going to be easy. Some of them had posted their last pregame lineup.

          "The power of the internet is a great responsibility, and not just for creating lolcats," said the Zombie Billy Mays. "The internets may have started as a means of creating lolcats, but its potential rivals that of oxiclean!" Zombification had not sapped his salespitch prowess.

          "Oxiclean... Pour it on stains... add it as detergent... use it to spice up fresh brains... brains..." Succumbing to his undead hunger, Zombie Billy Mays lurched forward, hungry for an open-faced brain sandwich, oxi-clean in hand. Oxi-clean in hand, he polished Barry Bonds' head using a Zorbeez cloth.

          Next, he took a big bite out of Barry's glowing dome. With a mouthful of Bonds' brains, Billy Mays turned to Vince Offer and said, "What do you think your old friends at Scientology would think of this?" Vince with his back to Billy, “You think they don’t already know? They have the same subliminal technology you have been using to sell crap to housewives for years, only they use it to lure in fat-pocketed movie stars to give up their cash and make shitty movies!”

          Vince looking Billy dead in his eyes, "Now, can you live with another Battlefield Earth?" Billy looked up at Vince in disbelief. He clenched his fist and reared back, ready to flatten him. Just then, however, Delilah burst through the door and yelled, “STOP! In the name of looooooooooooooooooooove”.

          Unfortunately for Delilah, no one could hear her scream. She did however manage to text her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, he was in a different state of mind altogether. Roger was three whiskeys in and when he looked at his phone he nearly fell off his barstool. He hadn't been expecting THIS. Without further hesitation he ran to the edge of the rooftop bar and hurled his cell phone over the railing, watching it spiral into the abyss of Giants fans. He now had to find a way out of the building surrounded by angry San Fransiscans.

          He picked up a Willy Mays original bobble head from the table, threw it in the air and made his escape while the Giants fans clamored to prevent the figurine from falling to the ground. But they all trip over their kayaks and the figurine slams against concrete floor. However, to everyone's surprise the figurine doesn't smash into a million pieces but rather bursts into a flame of Dodger blue and lights up the area as bright as the sun!

          "Well I guess it's going to be a day game instead", I exclaim as I get to my seat where I am greeted by a squishy sound upon sitting down. I look at my wife, confused, but can't find her, as she is the one that assists me in these situations. Yet, during this whole time, I never bother to get up from my seat. I have no reason to get up. I’m comfortable. The seat has cushions and a cup holder for my beer, so I decide to stay there. The time passes and I reflect on what has happened. I’m more than a little confused, but in the end I know the journey has been worthwhile. I can’t help but smile.


Coming soon: Segment break-down and attribution...