SoSG readers (except Karina, bless her) have been a surly bunch recently — and understandably so. Losing five of eight to some of the worst teams in baseball in the last week of the regular season will do that to a team's fans.
With the Dodgers backing into the post-season like a garbage truck in reverse — beep, beep, beep — we offer a few predictions of what would happen if the playoffs started today at Dodger Stadium.
Feel free to add your own in the comments. It's therapeutic!
- The Dodgers hit into three double plays — in the same inning.
- Charles Steinberg orders "Don't Stop Believing" to be played between every inning. Latter part of game resembles They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
- Special section on each stadium level reserved for fans in fetal position, brought to you by Kaiser Permanente.
- Pre-game ceremony honoring Washington Generals. Ned Colletti eyes possible recruits.
- Tradition of kids taking the field with Dodger players continues; this time, kids stay on field, Dodgers return to dugout.
- Ray Maytorena hires Keystone Kops to patrol outfield pavilions. Their antics inspire the Dodgers to play better.
- Fans get bored of beach balls, throw sand instead.
- TV broadcast of game preempted for "Three Stooges" marathon. Or is it?
- Pitching change sponsored by Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
- Between-innings blooper reel on Diamond Vision is just a replay of the last inning.
- A fan runs onto the field, is allowed to stay. Eventually gets bored, wanders off.
- Dodger batters look at 81 consecutive strikes; express post-game frustration that a pitcher could keep throwing like that all game long.
- Fans arrive early; Dodgers arrive late.
47 comments:
Fans grow unintentional playoff beards while waiting for team to get third out of inning
Left with nothing better to do, opposing outfield joins the wave.
Hmmm...
It's not working yet. Perhaps it's a delayed effect.
a confused Greg Norman wakes up feeling OK about things
Fans bored of the game go looking for something better to watch and find The Beautiful Life on the CW. They watch one episode over and over and don't feel bad about it.
The "Don't Stop Believing" scenery-chewer stops believing.
Every Dodger's at bat music is changed to "Lost Cause" by Beck.
Rick Honeycutt tries to convince the ceremonial first pitch thrower to stay on for a few innings.
Ned Colletti signs a Peanut Vendor to a 3 year $45 million deal in the 2nd inning. Fans and critics believe it to be a good move.
Bullpen turned into carnival attraction featuring "Guess My Weight" booth with Jonathan Broxton.
Step right up and win some crap!
All-You-Can-Eat section concessions stock up on extra rotten tomatoes
Disgusted with the play on the field, Nancy Bea starts to drink at the organ. She plays circus music anytime the Dodgers are in the field.
Nancy Bea tosses her music sheets in the air, takes the last swig off her jug of mescal, yells "I'm done with you underachieving shitbags!" and storms off.
Jesus christ Quad, that is freaking eerie! ALmost the same instant!
Frank McCourt opens a West Mannywood section, hoping to attract a more "happy" crowd
Dodgers trade for Milton Bradley
Manny finally breaks out and hits a three-run home run.
Unfortunately, it happens while the Phillies are up to bat.
We're on the same wavelength Dusty. That is eerie.
Any truth to the rumor that the Dodgers started sucking when Dusty stopped using the Richie Rich Avatar and I dropped Spock for Richie?????
I'm just saying.
Time for a switch back.
OK, that should do it.
Now, if we can get DB to cooperate, I guarantee a win tonight.
Guarantee I said.
DB? You out there?
Vin Scully takes a drink from Nancy Bea and begins to curse on the air about the Dodgers' horrible play. He knows he won't be fined because nobody's listening anyway.
Yes!!
KILL, RICHIE, KILL!!!
I'm loving all of these posts. This thread is exactly what I needed this morning. Very therapeutic!
"Between-innings blooper reel on Diamond Vision is just a replay of the last inning." Awesome. Cue the Benny Hill music.
I think I need to switch out my avatar too since Ethier has gone 0 for a bazillion or whatever since I started with this one.
I don't have any of my other ones here though, so I have to remind myself to change it before game time.
Dodgers are forced to drop the beloved "Kiss Cam" when several fans wait for the opportune moment to raise their asses in the air.
I realize that being off the threads for a couple of days may be a contributing factor to the Dodgers' recent slide, but I had nothing to do with Blake's hamstring problems.
Josh-
Since you changed your avatar, Ethier has exactly one more hit than Luke.
Instead of the ubiquitous marriage proposals between innings, fans actually start divorce proceedings, choreographed for the jumbotron complete with theme music and signage.
Desperate to reignite passion in the core fanbase, Frank moves the team to Oakland.
Desperate to overcome the perceived "East Coast Bias" and to broaden his team's media appeal, McCourt changes the name of the team to the "New York Dodgers of Los Angeles."
The borough of Brooklyn was unavailable for comment.
Ho-hum. I think we'll win today.
Orel leaves this blog to showcase his new blog: "Bros of Bill Buckner".
Souvenir vendors stop selling Dodger Foam Fingers or hats and instead just hand out paper bags to fans.
And Quad, I heard that the remaining foam fingers will experience a design change; the index finger will no longer be the lone, raised finger, giving way to the more recently popular middle finger.
Before signing off from another Dodger loss, Vin Scully re-declares his love for his original favorite team, the Giants, and admits he's been cheering for them all along
I'm going to take a quick break from the proceedings here and throw out a wild prediction:
Rox and Phillies will go 0-5 in their final 5 games. Atlanta will go 5-0. ATL wins the East via the better record vs. PHI, making PHI the Wild Card.
You heard it here first.
Randy Wolf is put on the DL prior to Game 1 of the NLDS because of an injury to his hand after a lightsaber duel with a drunken Joe Beimel.
It is discovered by Joe Torre that Dodgers dogs are made out of PEOPLE!
"Yakety Sax" (the Benny Hill theme) is played over the PA every time an opposing player makes contact.
There once was a team named the Dodgers,
Whose poor play has turned us old codgers.
But it also begun
Some limericks fun
To forget we lost to the jolly rogers.
I swear I did not read the LLCool entry before posting that.
After a licensing snafu, Star Wars Night is canceled and replaced with Battlefield Earth Night.
Pete Wentz is again asked to throw out the first pitch
At least you remembered the name of the song.
"Randy Wolf is put on the DL prior to Game 1 of the NLDS because of an injury to his hand after a lightsaber duel with a drunken Joe Beimel."
That, sir, is genius.
This isn't in keeping with the topic of this thread, but is damned interesting:
DodertownUSA Tweet: "Dodgers have scored 767 runs and allowed an MLB low 599 runs for a differential of 168 runs, the largest in the Majors."
Sons of Steve Garvey find out that Steve Howe is their real dad.
Dodgers inspire their fans to "don't stop believing" they might actualy blow a five game lead with six to play.
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