Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Rogue's Baseball Index

The fine folk at Pitchers & Poets are playing the name game and have fired up the Rogue's Baseball Index, "an alternative baseball lexicon." Their sample entry should give you an idea of what they're going for:

The Joe Mauer

We are fortunate as mere mortals that The Joe Mauer has graced this plane of existence with his glowing presence. His swing is flawless, his morals are sound, and his bone structure is immaculate. He dates beauty queens, he wins batting titles. The Joe Mauer is ideal. The Joe Mauer is America.

Notable Joe Mauers include:

  • Joe Mauer
  • Joe Dimaggio

And guess who they tapped for their home opener?

Celebrity Rogue #1: The MSB from SOSG Orel


Greg Zakwin said...

I believe that should read "The Derek Jeter", not "The Joe Mauer".

I guarantee more than half of the BBWAA doesn't know who Joe Mauer is.

eric nusbaum said...

Who's Joe Mauer?

Fred's Brim said...

I had some MSBs when I was in the Pacific northwest a couple of months ago. I got them based purely on the recommendations given here and chose JITB over other suitable roadside fastfooderies. They were decent. David Eckstein, not so much.

rbnlaw said...

I limit JITB food purchases to their milkshakes. They bring me to the yard.

Kyle Baker said...

My milkshake tastes better than yours, RB!

Kyle Baker said...

That's some freaky-ass avatar action between FB and's like FB looking up at EricNus who is similarly looking up.

Kyle Baker said...

But does JITB have Guinness milkshakes?

Nostradamus said...


I think the Derek Jeter archetype is distinct from the Joe Mauer in it lacks the clean-shaven ethical subtext.

The Joe Mauer is a candidate for celebrity judge at the state fair. The Derek Jeter is a candidate for celebrity judge at the Playboy Mansion.

Steve Sax said...

Congrats on being Rogue Baseball Index Guest Poster #1, Orel!

Yippee Ki Yay! MSB!

rbnlaw said...

Damn right, it's better than yahrs.

If JITB had Guinness Shakes, I'd have a reason to order the MSB's.

BTW, "Fuck me in the armpit" has officially gone into my lexicon.

karina said...

Congrats, Orel! that's very cool

"His swing is flawless, his morals are sound, and his bone structure is immaculate. "

We need photographic evidence his bone structure is immaculate. More Joe Mauer visual presence in media makes the world more beautiful. Just sayin'

Kyle Baker said...

I drink your milkshake!

Greg Zakwin said...

"and his bone structure is immaculate"

That should read "and his sideburns are immaculate."