Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Report: Colletti Considers Spiking Urine Samples; Pierre, Schmidt Piss with Caution

Juan Pierre better keep on hitting.

Apparently one by-product of Manny's suspension may be an innovative new strategy in building Ned Colletti's free agent war chest: spiking urine samples of overpaid players before drug tests to free up spending money.

Unlike fines, where proceeds go to charity, drug suspensions allow the team to keep the additional cash. And according to sources, the $2.73 million unexpected windfall from Manny’s suspension has players like Pierre and Jason Schmidt looking over their shoulder while at the urinal. Apparently the short list of potential targets, along with the approximate savings a 50-game suspension would yield, is as follows:

  • Juan Pierre – $2.7 million
  • Rafael Furcal – $1.8 million
  • Jason Schmidt – $2.3 million
  • Randy Wolf – $1.5 million

Says one unidentified source close to the proceedings*, “he'd be a fool to not at least consider the strategy. What would you rather have, another 50 games of Juan Pierre, or Jake Peavy?”

*"unidentified source" = SoSG writer identified only by the initials EK; "the proceedings" = my refrigerator.


Chappy said...

Definitely spike that P.O.S. Schmidt; he ought to give back his entire salary at this point.

Here's hoping the Dodgers go ahead and get Peavy and somehow make the additional years on his contract work for their future budgets.

We need a true ACE for the staff to take some of the pressure off much like Manny did for the young hitters.

rbnlaw said...

Concur as to Schmidt. I'm even willing to go on a cycle of 'Roids and donate all my pee to the "Suspend Schmidt" campaign.

On the other hand, Class A Inland Empire was looking forward to Jason being their ace this year.

Chappy said...

All I know is what a privledge it was to see him pitch last year when he re-habbed in Vegas.

When a player can top out at 85 on his fastball and never get any other pitch in the strike zone... well that's something special to behold.

rbnlaw said...

Word of caution when signing free agent pitchers: Never sign a former Giant pitcher. They don't track innings pitched and will allow their pitchers to go 120+ in games rather than depend on their bull pen.

Timmy Lincecum's next team will be pleased.