So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:
- Comment here as you please
- Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
- For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.
Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:
Let the war of attrition begin!
3622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1601 – 1800 of 3622 Newer› Newest»EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- DUSK
The mist-shrouded X-wing fighter is almost invisible in the
thick fog. Luke climbs out onto the long nose of the
spacecraft as Artoo pops out of his cubbyhole on the back. The
young warrior surveys the fog, which is barely pierced by the
ship's landing lights. About all he can make out are some
giant, twisted trees nearby. Artoo whistles anxiously.
Vanessa: Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.
LUKE: No, Artoo, you stay put. I'll have a look around.
Jerry: Oh, that guy was your *cousin*!
Artoo lets out a short beep. As Luke moves along the nose,
Artoo loses his balance and disappears with a splash into the
boggy lake.
Vanessa: Yeah, and that woman was your--
LUKE: Artoo?
We should throw down side bets on who will be last person standing:Mr.F or MLASF
Nevermind I might be dead when it pays.
Luke kneels and leans over the plane looking for Artoo, but
the water is still and reveals no sign of the little droid.
@Spanky - I'm betting on a longshot. It might not be in our lifetime but somebody is going to swoop in and take the thing.
LUKE: Artoo! Where are you?
Jerry: Friend!
A small periscope breaks the surface of the water and a
gurgly beep is heard. The periscope starts to move to shore.
Relieved, Luke starts running along the nose of the fighter to
its tip.
George: I'll just, uh, get a paper...
LUKE: Artoo! You be more careful.
Jerry: So, um, do you date immature men?
The outline of the shore is now more than ten feet away.
Luke jumps off the plane into the water, scrambles up to the
shore, and turns to look for Artoo. The periscope still
steadily moves toward shore.
Vanessa: Almost exclusively...
LUKE: Artoo -- that way!
we cut to Jerry's
% apartment where mother and son engage in a friendly game of Scrabble.
% Jerry's Mom sings to herself while she apparently tries to make words
% out of a meaningless string of letters.
Suddenly, through the thick fog layer, a dark shape
appears, moving toward the little droid. The dark, sinuous bog
beast dives beneath the swampy water, making a loud clunk
against Artoo's metal hull. The droid disappears from sight,
uttering a pathetic electronic scream.
The dark side of the moon isn't really dark.
Helen: Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...
Holding his ignited lightsaber before him, Luke wades a few
feet into the murky pool, looking for any sign of his little
friend.
Squanto: No beard!
LUKE: Artoo!
Jerry: Ma, will you go already?
The black surface is still as death itself...until a few
bubbles begin to appear. Then, phheewaat!! The runt-size robot
is spit out of the water, makes a graceful arc, and comes
crashing down into a patch of soft gray moss.
Helen: Bum bum bum bum...
LUKE: Oh, no! Are you all right? Come on. You're lucky you don't taste
very good. Anything broken?
% She picks up a nearby dictionary...
Luke helps Artoo to his feet and begins wiping the mud and
roots from his round metal body. Artoo responds with feeble,
soggy beeps.
I think you're going to make Blogger explode.
LUKE: If you're saying coming here was a bad idea, I'm beginning to
agree with you. Oh, Artoo, what are we doing here? It's like...
something out of a dream, or, I don't know. Maybe I'm just going
crazy.
Jerry: What are you doing?!
As Luke glances around at the spooky swamp jungle that
surrounds him, Artoo ejects a stream of muddy water from one
of his cranial ports.
Helen: Wait, I just want to see something...
EXTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER
Admiral Piett hesitates in the entryway to Vader's private
cubicle. After a moment, he steps into the room and pauses at
the surprising sight before him.
Jerry: You can't look in there, we're playing!
Darth Vader, his back turned, is silhouetted in the gloom
on the far side of the chamber. A black, insectlike droid
attends him. Among the various apparatuses surrounding them, a
respirator tube now retracts from Vader's uncovered head. The
head is bald with a mass of ugly scar tissue covering it. The
black droid then lowers the mask and helmet onto Vader's head.
When it is in place, the Dark Lord turns to face Piett.
@Rbnlaw your "Man on the Moon" reference made my day.
Mr C is listing men and their preference in facial hair.I want to encourage well-groomed facial hair, gentlemen.
@Meaniebreanie I don't fancy the guy but either ways looks pleasant.
VADER: Yes, Admiral?
Smonk on the Water,
Fire in the Sky.
PIETT: Our ships have sighted the Millennium Falcon, lord. But...it
has entered an asteroid field and we cannot risk...
At long last, English football has seen the undoubted talent of a fit-and-firing Robin Van Persie.
Too often the Dutchman has seen promising form - and an unerring ability to find the net - compromised by injury problems. However, during 2008/09 Robin managed to stay relatively injury-free.
VADER: (interrupting) Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral. I want
that ship and not excuses.
% The K-Man cometh...
PIETT: Yes, lord.
Morty: Evening, Mr. Kramer!
EXTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON
The pirate starship rests in a dark, dripping asteroid
cave. It is so dark that the cave's exact dimensions are
impossible to determine.
I heard the stuffing is made up of tissues from last years playoff losses!
This one time at band camp...
INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT
Han and Chewie busily shut down the engine and all
electronic systems. Threepio and Leia watch worriedly.
Kramer: Hey Morty! [To Jerry] Salad dressing?
HAN: I'm going to shut down everything but the emergency power
systems.
I fart in your general direction!
THREEPIO: Sir, I'm almost afraid to ask, but...does that include
shutting me down, too?
Jerry: Look.
Chewie barks "yes". But Han thinks otherwise.
Helen: "Quo"? Is that a word?
HAN: No, I need you to talk to the Falcon, find out what's wrong with
the hyperdrive.
George Washington was the only President ever elected unanimously by the electoral college.
Jerry: Maybe!
Suddenly, the ship lurches, causing all the loose items in
the cockpit to go flying. Chewie howls.
Helen: Will you challenge it?
THREEPIO: Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely
stable.
Jerry: Ma, you can't look up words in the dictionary! Dad, she's cheating!
HAN: Not entirely stable? I'm glad you're here to tell us these
things. Chewie, take the professor in the back and plug him into the
hyperdrive
Star Wars In Concert Last night was amazing
THREEPIO: Oh! Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior. After
all, I'm only trying to do my job in the most...
Kramer: "Quo"? That's not a word.
The sliding door closes behind the indignant Threepio as
Chewie and he move back to the hold. Suddenly, the ship
lurches again, throwing Leia across the cabin into Han's arms.
Then, abruptly, the motion stops as suddenly as it started.
With some surprise, Han and Leia realize they are in each
other's arms.
Helen: [To Jerry] You're such a stickler...
LEIA: Let go.
Jerry: Well put *something* down, you're taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac, and Artie, they're all coming over here before the wedding?
HAN: Sshh!
Helen: They'll be here at two o'clock... Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30. Oh, and she says ``Hope your meeting went well with Art... "Vandelay"?''
LEIA: Let go, please.
Jerry: She said *what*?
Leia flushes, averting her eyes. She's not exactly fighting
to get free. But, of course, Han blows it...
Helen: Just what I said, here.
HAN: Don't get excited.
The anger rises in Leia.
LEIA: Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited.
1700
% She hands Jerry the note. He reads it.
HAN: Sorry, sweetheart. We haven't got time for anything else.
Jerry: She knows! Oh, I am *such* a *jackass*...
I fail so miserably at life I don't even deserve Smonk.
Come on, Mr F! Pull your socks up and get back in there!
Helen: She knows what?
I'm not afraid to get back in. But I feeeeeel so bad right now.
% Kramer secretly offers up a word to Mrs. Seinfeld...
hhh
Helen: No, no, no, that won't do. He may have a "Z"...
Meh. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep on keeping on.
Morty: So, how did she find out?
Han grins quickly wickedly at Leia as he turns and exits
through the door. Leia's confused emotions show clearly on her
lovely face.
Jerry: Because, Vanessa probably told Pamela, and Pamela probably told Elaine.
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- BOG CLEARING -- DUSK
The mist has dispersed a bit, but it is still a very
gloomy-looking swamp.
Wreck 'em? It nearly Killed 'em!
% While, they talk, Kramer has covertly scoped Jerry's tiles to confirm that Jer doesn't have a "Z". This goes unnoticed by Jerry, who continues to talk with his Pop...
Luke pulls an equipment box from the shore to the clearing.
He ignites a little fusion furnace and warms his hands before
it. Taking a power cable, he plugs it into Artoo's noselike
socket.
Morty: So, what are you? Afraid of her?
LUKE: Ready for some power? Okay. Let's see now. Put that in there.
There you go.
Jerry: Yes. *Yes* *I* *am*!
The droid whistles his appreciation. Luke then opens a
container of processed food and sits before the thermal
heater.
Jerry: What else did she say on the phone?
LUKE: (sighs) Now all I have to do is find this Yoda...if he even
exists.
Helen: Whatever I wrote down.
We Want The Smonk,Break Out The Smonk
We Want The Smonk,Break Out The Smonk
OOOWWWWWWW!!!!
No European power has ever controlled any part of Idaho.
Nervously, he looks around at the foreboding jungle.
Jerry: Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound?
Make my Smonk the P-Smonk
I wants to get Smonked up
Helen: Who am I, Rich Little?
LUKE: Still...there's something familiar about this place. I feel
like...I don't know...
My Jungle Love! Owee Owee Oh!
STRANGE VOICE: Feel like what?
Morty: Well, she can't be too mad-- she's still coming to the wedding.
Luke jumps out of his skin. Artoo screeches in terror. The
young warrior grabs for his lightsaber as he spins around,
looking for the speaker. Mysteriously standing right in front
of Luke is a strange, bluish creature, not more than two feet
tall. The wizened little thing is dressed in rags. It motions
toward Luke's sword.
Jerry: Yeah, but now I'm nervous.
LUKE: (looking at the creature) Like we're being watched!
Helen: Oh, stop it.
CREATURE: Away with your weapon! I mean you no harm.
% She makes her move and tallies the points...
After some hesitation, Luke puts away his weapon, although
he really doesn't understand why. Artoo watches with interest.
Jerry: "Quone"?
CREATURE: I am wondering, why are you here?
Helen: ...30...31...
LUKE: I'm looking for someone.
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
CREATURE: Looking? Found someone, you have, I would say, hmmm?
Helen: ...32...
The little creature laughs.
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a *definite* word.
LUKE: (Trying to keep from smiling) Right.
Jerry: I am challenging...
CREATURE: Help you I can. Yes, mmmm.
Kramer: Quone: to quone something.
LUKE: I don't think so. I'm looking for a great warrior.
Jerry: Uh-huh...
CREATURE: Ahhh! A great warrior. (laughs and shakes his head) Wars not
make one great.
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore...
With the aid of a walking stick, the tiny stranger moves
over to one of the cases of supplies. He begins to rummage
around.
Morty: Quone's not a word...
Nicklas Bendtner became the first Arsenal player to score at this year's World Cup when he netted Denmark's equaliser in their 2-1 win over Cameroon. Robin van Persie provided an assist as Holland beat Japan, Cesc Fabregas came off the bench for Spain against Honduras, Emmanuel Eboue played in two Ivory Coast fixtures and Carlos Vela's Mexico beat Arsenal's French contingent.
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off...
Artoo moves to the edge of the case -- standing almost eye
level to the creature who is carelessly handling the supplies
-- and squeaks his disapproval.
Helen: Why did you make me put that down?
Their tiny visitor pick up the container of food Luke was
eating from and takes a bite.
Kramer: Nah, we need a *medical* dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you *quone* him...
LUKE: Put that down. Hey! That's my dinner.
the Rally Monkey seems to have Smonk bent over a barrel
The creature spits out the bite he has taken. He makes a
face.
% End Act II. Open at Jerry's apartment with a few people mingling about, waiting to go to the wedding. Jerry is talking to Carol
CREATURE: How you get so big, eating food of this kind?
1776
He flips the container in Luke's direction and reaches into
one of Luke's supply cases.
Carol: You want some funny material, you oughta come down to where I work, now that's a sitcom!
LUKE: Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land in that puddle, and if we
could get our ship out, we would, but we can't, so why don't you
just...
Jerry: You must have quite a time down there. [Checks his watch]
CREATURE: (teasing) Aww, cannot get your ship out?
Carol: We got plenty of time...
The creature spots something of interest in Luke's case.
Luke loses patience and grabs the case away. The creature
retains his prize -- a tiny power lamp -- and examines it with
delight.
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for someone...
LUKE: Hey, you could have broken this. Don't do that. Ohhh...you're
making a mess. Hey, give me that!
Mac: Watch what you say to this guy-- he'll put it in his next act!
CREATURE: (retreating with the lamp) Mine! Or I will help you not.
Jerry: Yeah, yeah...
Clutching its treasure, the creature backs away from Luke,
drawing closer to Artoo. As Luke and the creature argue, one
of Artoo's little arms slowly moves out toward the power lamp,
completely unnoticed by the creature.
Mac: Jerry, did I tell you that I'm writing a book? An autobiography.
LUKE: I don't want your help. I want my lamp back. I'll need it to get
out of this slimy mudhole.
Jerry: Yeah, Uncle Mac, you mentioned it...
CREATURE: Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is.
Mac: It's based on all my experiences!
Artoo grabs hold of the lamp and the two little figures are
immediately engaged in a tug-of-war over it.
Artoo beeps a few angry, "Give me thats."
Jerry: That's perfect. [Elaine enters] Could you excuse me one second. I'm sorry.
CREATURE: Ah, ah, ah!
LUKE: Oh, Artoo, let him have it.
CREATURE: Mine! Mine!
1800
% Jerry goes over and greets Elaine.
LUKE: Artoo!
Jerry: How do you do, Jerry Seinfeld.
CREATURE: Mine!
I can't take this anymore.
Can't you just make another Smonk and give one each to MF and MLASF?
Now that would be IRONIC, wouldn't it? or not.
The creature lets go with one hand and pokes Artoo lightly
with one finger. Artoo reacts with a startled squeal, and lets
go.
Elaine: Oh, how do you do. Elaine Benes.
CREATURE: Mine!
Jerry: Um, do you want to do this now, or do you want to wait until we get in the car?
LUKE: (fed up) Now will you move along, little fella? We're got a lot
of work to do.
Elaine: Oh no, let's do it now.
CREATURE: No! No, no! Stay and help you, I will. (laughs) Find your
friend, hmm?
Kick Start My Heart!
LUKE: I'm not looking for a friend, I'm looking for a Jedi Master.
Jerry: Alright, the whole elevator business, let me just explain--
CREATURE: Oohhh. Jedi Master. Yoda. You seek Yoda.
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