So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:
- Comment here as you please
- Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
- For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.
Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:
Let the war of attrition begin!
3622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1801 – 2000 of 3622 Newer› Newest»Elaine: Okay...
LUKE: You know him?
Artie: Jerry, were you goin' with us?
CREATURE: Mmm. Take you to him, I will. (laughs) Yes, yes. But now, we
must eat. Come. Good food. Come.
Jerry: No, I'm gonna take my car.
With that, the creature scurries out of the clearing,
laughing merrily. Luke stares after him. All he sees is the
faint light from the small power lamp moving through the fog.
Luke makes his decision and starts after the creature.
Artie: That's why I brought the wagon. Why the Hell did I bring the wagon?
CREATURE: (in the distance) Come, come.
Someone needs to win you Smonks! Maybe you'll be a good luck charm :)
Artoo, very upset, whistles a blue streak of protest.
Jerry: Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you, I mean I felt so uncomfortable, and you were *so* annoyed in the cab.
This made me think of Smonkstakes. Or maybe vice versa. I'm not sure.
LUKE: Stay here and watch after the camp, Artoo.
Elaine: Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. It was quite the spectacle.
Artoo beeps even more frantically. But as Luke disappears
from view, the worried little droid grows quieter, and utters
a soft electronic sigh.
@EK
You're the one who started this mess :D
INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- MAIN HOLD AREA
Threepio whistles and beeps a strange dialect into the
control panel in front of him. The control panel whistles back
a few mystifying beeps.
Carol: Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine.
THREEPIO: Oh, where is Artoo when I need him?
Elaine: Oh, bye. Good to see you.
Han enters the hold area and kneels on the floor near the
control box.
Artie: Oh, we didn't meet.
THREEPIO: Sir, I don't know where your ship learned to communicate,
but it has the most peculiar dialect. I believe, sir, it says that the
power coupling on the negative axis has been polarized. I'm afraid
you'll have to replace it.
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin Artie Levine.
HAN: Well, of course I'll have to replace it.
% As in Liveen.
He hands a wire coil up to Chewie who is working near the
ceiling.
Artie: Le*vine*.
[torture post]
HAN: Here! And Chewie...
% As in Levyne. He leaves with Carol.
Chewie brings his head back through the trap door in the
ceiling and whines. Han glances back at Threepio, then speaks
quietly to Chewie so only he can hear.
Jerry: Yeah, "Le*vine*". And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp... Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do, but I mean, I mean, obviously we have a little problem here.
HAN: (continued)...I think we'd better replace the negative power
coupling.
Elaine: Yeah, obviously.
Leia finishes welding the valves she has been working on
and attempts to reengage the system by pulling a lever
attached to the valve. It doesn't budge. Han notices her
struggle, and moves to help her. She rebuffs him.
Jerry: I mean, if we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people...
HAN: Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help.
Elaine: Couldn't agree more.
LEIA: (still struggling) Would you please stop calling me that?
Jerry: Good.
Han hears a new tone in her voice. He watches her pull on
the lever.
Elaine: Good.
HAN: Sure, Leia.
Jerry: Good.
LEIA: Oh, you make it so difficult sometimes.
Elaine: Great!
HAN: I do, I really do. You could be a little nicer, though. (he
watches her reaction) Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all
right.
Jerry: Great? Where do you get "great"?
She lets go of the lever and rubs her sore hand.
Elaine: It's great to... talk about... other people...
LEIA: Occasionally (a little smile, haltingly) maybe...when you aren't
acting like a scoundrel.
Jerry: ...Guys.
HAN: (laughs) Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.
Elaine: Yeah.
With that, Han takes her hand and starts to massage it.
Jerry: Uh-huh... Yeah... So, anybody specific?
LEIA: Stop that.
Elaine: No. A general guy.
LEIA: Stop that.
Jerry: Oh *really*... Elaine Marie Benes...
Leia is flushes, confused.
Elaine: What? No, it's not a big deal.
LEIA: Stop that! My hands are dirty.
Jerry: No, that's great! That's terrific!
HAN: My hands are dirty, too. What are you afraid of?
Elaine: No, we just met...
LEIA: (looking right into his eyes) Afraid?
Jerry: Doesn't matter. What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
[torture post]
Elaine: I don't think so...
Han looks at her with a piercing look. He's never looked
more handsome, more dashing, more confident. He reaches out
slowly and takes Leia's hand again from where it is resting
on a console. He draws it toward him.
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a labourer of some sort?
HAN: You're trembling.
Elaine: Wall street.
LEIA: I'm not trembling.
Jerry: Ahh, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Conneticut.
Then with an irresistible combination of physical strength
and emotional power, the space pirate begins to draw Leia
toward him...very slowly.
Elaine: And he happens to be pretty good lookin'
Jerry: [pause] Alright, sir.
Elaine: And... he's *hilarious*.
1900
HAN: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough
scoundrels in your life.
Jerry: Now that's not fair! So where did you meet this guy?
Leia is now very close to Han and as she speaks, her voice
becomes an excited whisper, a tone completely in opposition to
her words.
Elaine: I "staked" out his health club.
LEIA: I happen to like nice men.
Jerry: When you're on a stakeout, do you find it's better to stand up against the wall, or kinda crouch down behind a big plant?...
HAN: I'm a nice man.
% Closing monologue
LEIA: No, you're not. You're...
Jerry: Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone,
or let's say, *especially* if you've had a relationship with someone
and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult.
Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you
know all of each others tricks. It's like two magicians, trying to
entertain each other.
The one goes, "Look, a rabbit."
The other goes, "So? ... I believe this is your card."
"Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night?
Okay?"
He kisses her now, with slow, hot lips. He takes his time,
as though he had forever, bending her body backward. She has
never been kissed like this before, and it almost makes her
faint. When he stops, she regains her breath and tries to work
up some indignation, but finds it hard to talk.
Suddenly, Threepio appears in the doorway, speaking
excitedly.
[End]
THREEPIO: Sir, sir! I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling.
[Scene: Comedy club]
Han turns slowly, icily, from their embrace.
JERRY: So I move into the centre lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me... the finger. It seems like such an... arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person.
[shows several fingers to the audience]
It's a finger, what does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe, you've gotta get the shoe off, the sock of and drive, get it up and uh [pretends to drive with one foot in the air and speaks to person driving next to him] look at that toe, buddy. [puts his foot down] I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it ?
HAN: Thank you. Thank you very much.
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is packing. Elaine is sitting at the table watching Jerry]
THREEPIO: Oh, you're perfectly welcome, sir.
JERRY: Is that it? Got the cue tips, got the mini-umbrella, something boring to read on the plane. [zips his bag with exaggerated motions] That's it. Done!
The moment spoiled, Han marches out after Threepio.
ELAINE: [claps her hands] That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen.
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- ASTEROID FIELD
The Imperial fleet moves through the asteroid-filled void,
intently seeking its prey.
JERRY: [proudly] I am...the master packer.
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE
Asteroids collide, creating a fireworks display outside the
bridge window. Darth Vader stands, staring out the window
above the control deck. Then slowly turns toward the bridge.
Before him are the hologram images of twenty battleship
commanders. One of these images, the commander of a ship that
has just exploded, is fading away quickly. Another image, in
the center and a little apart from the others, is faded and
continually disrupted by static. It is the image of Captain
Needa, commander of the Star Destroyer most hotly on the tail
of the Millennium Falcon. Admiral Piett and an aide stand
behind the Dark Lord.
ELAINE: [laughs] Yeah, right, you're the master packer.
NEEDA: (in hologram)...and that, Lord Vader, was the last time they
appeared in any of our scopes. Considering the amount of damage we've
sustained, they must have been destroyed.
JERRY: What you must understand, Elaine, [picks up the umbrella] packing is no different than leading men into battle: you've gotta know the strengths and weaknesses [hits his bag rhythmically with his umbrella] of every soldier in that platoon. From a collapsible toothbrush to a pair of ordinary black socks.
Smonk doesn't deserve this.
I hope he went out last night throwing his doodoo at any car with a New York license plate
VADER: No, Captain, they're alive. I want every ship available to
sweep the asteroid field until they are found.
ELAINE: 'Scuse me...master packer!
I still feel like I was punched in the dick!
The Imperial star captains fade out one by one as Vader
turns to Admiral Piett.
JERRY: ...Yes.
PIETT: Lord Vader.
ELAINE: Just gimme your keys.
VADER: Yes, Admiral, what is it?
JERRY: Alright, sir. [tosses Elaine his keys; apartment buzzer goes of, Jerry speaks over the intercom] George?
The admiral is scared, his face white as a sheet.
GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah
PIETT: The Emperor commands you make contact with him.
ELAINE: [Jerry opens the door] OK, so, now, is there anything else I need to know 'bout this place?
VADER: Move the ship out of the asteroid field so that we can send a
clear transmission.
JERRY: uh, yeah, the uuhh, hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you...come back and take a shower.
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
ELAINE: OK, this is quite a place.
EXTERIOR: ASTEROID FIELD -- VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
Vader's Imperial Star Destroyer moves against the vast sea
of stars away from the rest of the fleet.
two days later, it still hurts, just less.....
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER
The Dark Lord, Darth Vader, is alone in his chamber. A
strange sound enters the room and a light begins to play
across Vader's black figure. He looks up and bows quickly.
A twelve-foot hologram of the Galactic Emperor materializes
before Vader. The Emperor's dark robes and monk's hood are
reminiscent of the cloak worn by Ben Kenobi. His voice is even
deeper and more frightening than Vader's.
Mr. F, after Empire and Jedi, do you start over or go to the new trilogy?
JERRY: There's more, the refrigerator. [Opens it] Deduct a minimum of two days of all expiration dates. [uses the umbrella to point to certain compartments in the refrigerator] No meat, no leftovers, no butter. [closes the refrigerator] And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear?
VADER: What is thy bidding, my master?
ELAINE: I'll eat out.
EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
JERRY: One more thing, Benes, regarding sexual activity: strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favour: do it in the tub
VADER: I have felt it.
GEORGE: [walks in] Ready?
EMPEROR: We have a new enemy -- Luke Skywalker.
JERRY: Yeah, one sec.
VADER: Yes, my master.
GEORGE: [closes the door] Hey, Elaine
EMPEROR: He could destroy us.
ELAINE: Hi.
Gimli: Beard
[Thinly-veiled torture post]
VADER: He's just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him.
GEORGE: Coming to the airport with us?
EMPEROR: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not
become a Jedi.
*PING*
VADER: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.
ELAINE: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate.
EMPEROR: Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?
GEORGE: Oh, the actress-waitress.
VADER: He will join us or die, my master.
Happy Fourth, Smonkstakers!
Vader kneels. The supreme Emperor passes a hand over the
crouched Lord of the Sith and fades away.
ELAINE: No, the waitress-actress. She just got some part in some dinner-theater production of a Chorus Line. So, now all day long she's walking around the apartment singing: [singing] "God, I hope I get it, I hope I get it". She's gonna get it right in her...
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- CREATURE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT
A heavy downpour of rain pounds through the gnarled trees.
A strange baroque mud house sits on a moss-covered knoll on
the edge of a small lagoon. The small, gnomish structure
radiates a warm glow from its thick glass windows. As rain
tap-dances a merry tune on Artoo's head, the stubby little
droid rises up on his tip-toes to peek into one of the glowing
portals.
I am encouraged that in the past week there has been both a 30 hr and a 31 hr lapse. Might Smonk find a home soon?
@Sax@10:48pm (yesterday) - the correct term is "Smonkstakesers". But yes, happy 4th (and 5th)!
@eric - As ever, I'm lying in the weeds, ready to strike!
GEORGE: You just kick her out.
Vader kneels. The supreme Emperor passes a hand over the
crouched Lord of the Sith and fades away.
[Hmm. Blogger says I won...]
@Eric Karros 7/05/2010 8:28 PM you remembered 5th of July! thanks!
Hope your fourth was great!
Blogger deleted some of the comments.
Karina - yes, it's been over 8 years since I lived in Caracas but I still remember. Happy Independence Day to all!
MLASF - yes, strangely my comment on July 5 was deleted, then recently reappeared.
Mr F - do you know if your win was due to blogger deleting comments? Now that some comments have reappeared is the thread still alive?
[Torture post]
I shouldn't have won (yet). I'm quite sure I already said that last line about Vader kneeling between July 3rd and the 5th.
You can notice the discrepancy in my comments, as the part where Elaine speaks was deleted.
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- CREATURE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT
A heavy downpour of rain pounds through the gnarled trees.
A strange baroque mud house sits on a moss-covered knoll on
the edge of a small lagoon. The small, gnomish structure
radiates a warm glow from its thick glass windows. As rain
tap-dances a merry tune on Artoo's head, the stubby little
droid rises up on his tip-toes to peek into one of the glowing
portals.
ELAINE: She's on the lease!...George you have got to find another place for me.
INTERIOR: CREATURE'S HOUSE
Artoo, peeking in the window, sees the inside of the house
-- a very plain, but cozy dwelling. Everything is in the same
small scale as the creature. The only thing out of place in
the miniature room is Luke, whose height makes the four-foot
ceiling seem even lower. He sits cross-legged on the floor of
the living room.
GEORGE: Yeah, well...a little ruff finding something good in your price-range. [looks like he remembers something and turns to Jerry] But you, my friend, may be in luck.
The creature is in an adjoining area -- his little kitchen
-- cooking up an incredible meal. The stove is a steaming
hodgepodge of pots and pans. The wizened little host scurries
about chopping this, shredding that, and showering everything
with exotic herbs and spices. He rushes back and forth putting
platters on the table in front of Luke, who watches the
creature impatiently.
LUKE: Look, I'm sure it's delicious. I just don't understand why we
can't see Yoda now.
JERRY: I'm not looking.
GEORGE: No no no, this one's different, this one's a beauty!
2000
2001-Smonk Odyssey
GEORGE: I haven't seen it yet, but it's a "two-bedroom", it's on the uh, west 83rd, 'bout a half block from the park.
CREATURE: Patience! For the Jedi it is time to eat as well. Eat, eat.
Hot. Good food, hm? Good, hmm?
JERRY: How much?
Moving with some difficulty in the cramped quarters, Luke
sits down near the fire and serves himself from the pot.
Tasting the unfamiliar concoction, he is pleasantly surprised.
a
LUKE: How far away is Yoda? Will it take us long to get there?
b
GEORGE: Uh, twice what you pay in here, but it's a great building, it's two bedrooms!
CREATURE: Not far. Yoda not far. Patience. Soon you will be with him.
(tasting food from the pot) Rootleaf, I cook. Why wish you become
Jedi? Hm?
JERRY: Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one. [George looks at Elaine with a "he's-crazy-look"; Jerry turns around] I saw that.
LUKE: Mostly because of my father, I guess.
ELAINE: You oughtta least take a look at it.
CREATURE: Ah, your father. Powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi, mmm.
JERRY: Really? Why?
LUKE: (a little angry) Oh, come on. How could you know my father? You
don't even know who I am. (fed up) Oh, I don't even know what I'm
doing here. We're wasting our time.
c
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