So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:
- Comment here as you please
- Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
- For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.
Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:
Let the war of attrition begin!
3622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2001 – 2200 of 3622 Newer› Newest»The creature turns away from Luke and speaks to a third
party.
d
CREATURE: (irritated) I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
ELAINE: 'Cause then I could move in here.
Luke's head spins in the direction the creature faces. But
there is no one there. The boy is bewildered, but it gradually
dawns on him that the little creature is Yoda, the Jedi
Master, and that he is speaking with Ben.
.
JERRY: Ooohhhh
d
BEN'S VOICE: He will learn patience.
ELAINE: It's time you got out a here anyway.
YODA: Hmmm. Much anger in him, like his father.
GEORGE: Yeah, tell'm, but quickly, I'm double parked here.
BEN'S VOICE: Was I any different when you taught me?
ELAINE: Listen, Jerry, this place is falling apart. You have no hot water, you can't have soft cheese...
YODA: Hah. He is not ready
GEORGE: Let's not forget the radiator, the steam has been on here for ten years; no human can turn this off.
e
LUKE: Yoda! I am ready. I...Ben! I can be a Jedi. Ben, tell him I'm
ready.
So much depends upon
f
ELAINE: Jerry, come on, you're doin' OK now, you should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this.
Trying to see Ben, Luke starts to get up but hits his head
on the low ceiling.
JERRY: Like this? You just said, you wanted to live here.
YODA: Ready, are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years
have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be
trained! A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious
mind. (to the invisible Ben, indicating Luke) This one a long time
have I watched. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was
doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these
things. (turning to Luke) You are reckless!
ELAINE: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Island to Finland.
Luke looks down. He knows it is true.
a red wheel barrow
BEN'S VOICE: So was I, if you'll remember.
g
YODA: He is too old. Yes, too old to begin the training.
GEORGE: Jerry, what do ya...you wanna...you wanna see the place or not?
Luke thinks he detects a subtle softening in Yoda's voice.
JERRY: I can't think about it now. Come on, I'm going to Minneapolis. I got four shows this weekend.
LUKE: But I've learned so much.
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry enters his apartment with his bags.]
Yoda turns his piercing gaze on Luke, as though the Jedi
Master's huge eyes could somehow determine how much the boy
had learned. After a long moment, the little Jedi turns toward
where he alone sees Ben.
JERRY: Elaine! [puts his bags down, sits down on the couch, picks up the remote control and tries to turn on his TV]
YODA: (sighs) Will he finished what he begins?
Rosebud
LUKE: I won't fail you -- I'm not afraid.
YODA: (turns slowly toward him) Oh, you will be. You will be.
JERRY: [notices the TV is missing] ELAINE!
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- STAR DESTROYERS -- ASTEROID FIELD
The Imperial fleet around Vader's ship is surrounded by the
asteroid storm. Asteroids big and small pelt the vast
exteriors of the menacing ships. One of the smaller Imperial
vessels is hit by a huge asteroid and explodes in a brilliant
flash of light.
ELAINE: [from the bathroom] JERRY! [enters the living-room] Jerry, oh, hi, welcome back. How were the shows?
INTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT
The cockpit is quiet and lit only by the indicator lights
on the control panel. Princess Leia sits in the pilot's seat.
She runs her hand across the control panel as she thinks of
Han and the confusion he has created within her. Suddenly,
something outside the cockpit window catches her eye. The
reflection of the panel lights obscures her vision until a
soft suctionlike cup attaches itself to the windscreen. Leia
moves closer to see what it might be. Large, yellow eyes flash
open and stare back at her. Startled, she jumps back into her
seat, her heart pounding. There is a scurry of feet and a loud
screech, and in an instant the eyes are gone. The young
princess catches her breath, jumps out of her chair, and races
from the cockpit.
a
INTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON -- HOLD AREA
The lights go bright for a second then out again. Threepio
and Chewbacca watch as Han finishes with some wires.
JERRY: Great, I had fun, where's the TV, where's the VCR?
Will this never end?
Back to some Arsenal football for you lads.
Tomorrow.
THREEPIO: Sir, if I may venture an opinion...
[Elaine looks guilty] What?
HAN: I'm not really interested in your opinion, Threepio.
ELAINE: They were stolen.
Leia rushes into the cabin just as Han drops the final
floor panel into place.
JERRY: Stolen? When?
LEIA: (out of breath) There's something out there.
ELAINE: A couple a hours ago, the police are coming right over.
Sometimes you feel like a nut
HAN: Where?
Sometimes you don't.
JERRY: Stolen?
LEIA: Outside, in the cave.
ELAINE: [Kramer enters the apartment] Someone left the door open. [it's clear that she means Kramer; she walks to the bathroom]
To Drunk To Smonk
As she speaks, there comes a sharp banging on the hull.
Chewie looks up and barks anxiously.
JERRY: [to Kramer] You left the door open?!
THREEPIO: There it is. Listen! Listen!
KRAMER: Uh, Jer, well ya know, I was cookin' and I, I uh, I came in to get this spatula...and I left the door open, 'cause I was gonna bring the spatula right back!
HAN: I'm going out there.
JERRY: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?
LEIA: Are you crazy?!
KRAMER: [bobs his head guiltily] The door.
These aren't my crayons!
HAN: I just got this bucket back together. I'm not going to let
something tear it apart.
JERRY: The door? You left the door open?
He and Chewie grab their breath masks off a rack and hurry
out. Leia follows.
KRAMER: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back.
LEIA: Then I'm going with you.
JERRY: Yeah, and?
THREEPIO: I think it might be better if I stay here and guard the
ship. (hears another mysterious noise) Oh, no.
KRAMER: Well, I got caught up... watching a soap opera...[with a broken voice] The Bold and the Beautiful
EXTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON
It is very dark inside the huge asteroid cave, too dark to
see what is attacking the ship.
Leia stamps her foot on the floor of the cave.
JERRY: So the door was wide open?
LEIA: This ground sure feels strange. It doesn't feel like rock at
all.
KRAMER: Wide open!
Han kneels and studies the ground, then attempts to study
the outline of the cave.
HAN: There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
2100
Greetings from New York. God I hate the Yankees!
LEIA: I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this.
Smonkstakes thread time capsule - The Dodgers are fucking horrible right now.
JERRY: [Elaine enters the living-room] And where were you?
HAN: Yeah.
a
Chewie barks through his face mask, and points toward the
ship's cockpit. A five-foot-long shape can be seen moving
across the top of the Falcon. The leathery creature lets out a
screech as Han blasts it with a laser bolt.
so i sez to mabel i sez...
HAN: (to Leia) Watch out!
a
The black shape tumbles off the spaceship and onto the
ground in front of the princess. Han bends down to investigate
the dead creature.
The door is ajar.
HAN: Yeah, that's what I thought. Mynock. Chewie, check the rest of
the ship, make sure there aren't any more attached. They're chewing on
the power cables.
ELAINE: I was at Bloomingdale's...waiting for the shower to heat up.
LEIA: Mynocks?
KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I'm sorry, I'm uh, you have insurance, right buddy?
HAN: Go on inside. We'll clean them off if there are any more.
JERRY: No.
Just then, a swarm of the ugly creatures swoops through the
air. Leia puts her arms over her head to protect herself as
she runs toward the ship. Chewie shoos another Mynock away
with his blaster. Several of the batlike creatures flap their
wings loudly against the cockpit window of the Falcon. Inside,
Threepio shudders at their presence.
KRAMER: [looks shocked] How can you not have insurance?
THREEPIO: Ohhh! Go away! Go away! Beastly thing. Shoo! Shoo!
JERRY: Because...I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it's the most impenetrable lock on the market today...it has only one design flaw: the door...[shuts the door] must be CLOSED.
Han looks around the strange, dripping cave.
Just checking in/torture post.
HAN: Wait a minute...
Kramer: Jerry! I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it, I'm on the case, buddy, I'm on the case!
He unholsters his blaster and fires at the far side of the
huge cave. The cavern begins to shake and the ground starts to
buckle.
JERRY: Yeah, don't investigate, don't pay me back, it was an accident.
Chewie barks and moves for the ship, followed closely by
Leia and Han. The large wings of the Mynocks flap past them as
they protect their faces and run up the platform.
Somebody wake me when Han is in carbonite and Jerry figures out her name is Delores.
INTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON -- ENTRY AREA
As soon as Han and Leia are on board, Chewie closes the
main hatch. The ship continues to shake and heave.
KRAMER: [theatrical] I made a mistake.
HAN: All right, Chewie, let's get out of here!
ELAINE: [idem] These things happen
The Wookiee heads for the cockpit as Han, followed by
Threepio, rushes to the hold area and checks the scopes on the
control panel. Leia hurries after.
KRAMER: [idem] I'm human
LEIA: The Empire is still out there. I don't think it's wise to...
JERRY: In your way.
Han rushes past her and heads for the cockpit.
Hey Punk!
Were are you going with that flower in your hand?
Hey Punk!
Were are you going with that flower in your hand?
Well, I'm going down to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
Yes, I'm going down to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
HAN: (interrupting) No time to discuss this as a committee.
HAN: (interrupting) No time to discuss this as a committee.
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. A policeman is filling out a report. Jerry and Elaine are there.]
And with that he is gone. The main engines of the Falcon
begin to whine. Leia races after him, bouncing around in the
shaking ship.
POLICEMAN: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer...is that 'bout it?
LEIA: (angry) I am not a committee!
ELAINE: Answering machine.
INTERIOR: ASTEROID CAVE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT
Han is already in the pilot's seat pulling back on the
throttle. The cave-quake has greatly diminished.
JERRY: [disappointed] Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls.
LEIA: You can't make the jump to light-speed in this asteroid field...
POLICEMAN: What do ya mean?
HAN: Sit down, sweetheart. We're taking off!
JERRY: It's a joke.
As the ship begins to move forward, Chewie barks. He
notices something out the window ahead. Threepio sees it too.
a
THREEPIO: Look!
POLICEMAN: I see...Well, mister Seinfeld uh, we'll look into it and uh, we'll let you know if we uh, you know, if we find anything.
HAN: I see it, I see it.
JERRY: You ever find anything?
Suddenly, a row of jagged white stalagmites and stalactites
can be seen surrounding the entrance. And as the Falcon moves
forward, the entrance to the cave grows ever smaller. Han
pulls hard on the throttle, sending his ship surging forward.
a
THREEPIO: We're doomed!
POLICEMAN: No. [hands Jerry his copy of the report]
LEIA: The cave is collapsing.
JERRY: Well, thanks anyway.
HAN: This is no cave.
POLICEMAN: You bet.
a
LEIA: What?
ELAINE: [Policeman leaves the apartment, while George enters] I didn't get that joke either.
Leia's mouth drops open . She sees that the rocks of the
cave entrance are not rocks at all, but giant teeth, quickly
closing around the tiny ship. Chewie howls.
JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren't for him. He's the crook: why would he answer...[turns around and sees George standing behind him] How did you get in here?
INTERIOR: SPACE SLUG MOUTH
The Millennium Falcon, zooming through the monster's mouth,
rolls on its side and barely makes it between two of the
gigantic white teeth before the huge jaws slams closed.
GEORGE: [makes some weird motions] I walked in, your lobby door is broken again.
[Torture post]
EXTERIOR: CAVE ENTRANCE -- GIANT ASTEROID
The enormous space slug moves its head out of the cave as
the Falcon flies out of its mouth. The monster tilts its head,
watching the starship fly away.
JERRY: Again.
EXTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- GIANT ASTEROID
The Falcon races out of the asteroid crater and into the
deadly rain of the asteroid storm.
GEORGE: I don't know how you put up with this.
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- DAY
With Yoda strapped to his back, Luke climbs up one of the
many thick vines that grow in the swamp. Panting heavily, he
continues his course -- climbing, flipping through the air,
jumping over roots, and racing in and out of the heavy ground
fog.
ELAINE: Yeah, tell'm George.
YODA: Run! Yes. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of
the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force
are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you
start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny,
consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
JERRY: [to Elaine] You would still wanna move in here?
LUKE: Vader. Is the dark side stronger?
ELAINE: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.
YODA: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
JERRY: [to George] Is that uh, other apartment still available? [George shows him the keys]
LUKE: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
[Scene: Comedy club.]
YODA: You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses
the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
i hate ned colletti
JERRY: I got ripped off for about the...18th time? And now, the first couple a times you go through it, it's very upsetting and your first reaction or one of your friends will say: "Call the police. You really should call the police." So you think to yourself, ya know, you watch TV, you think: "Yeah, I'm calling the police. Stakeouts, manhunts...I'm gonna see some real action." Right, you think that. So, the police come over to your house...they fill out: the report...they give you: your copy. Now...unless they give the crook his copy, I don't really think we're gonna crack this case, do you?...It's not like Batman, where there's three crooks in the city and everybody pretty much knows, who they are. Very few crooks even go to the trouble to come up with a theme for their careers anymore. It makes them a lot tougher to spot. "Did you lose a sony? It could be the Penguin...I think we can round him up, he's dressed like a PENGUIN! We can find him, he's a PENGUIN!
a
[Scene: The apartment on 83rd street. George, Elaine and Jerry are entering the apartment.]
Torture post
i hate ned colletti update
ELAINE: [looks around] Oh, well, come on...this is an apartment, this is a home! This is a place to live...Oohhh, a fireplace, are you kidding me! Does this work? [takes a closer look at the fireplace]
LUKE: But tell me why I can't...
YODA: (interrupting) No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I
teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. Mmm. Mmmmmm.
2200
GEORGE: I didn't know there was a fireplace. A fireplace, this is incredible.
Artoo beeps in the distance as Luke lets Yoda down to the
ground. Breathing heavily, he takes his shirt from a nearby
tree branch and pulls it on.
DAMMIT I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE
He turns to see a huge, dead, black tree, its base
surrounded by a few feet of water. Giant, twisted roots form a
dark and sinister cave on one side. Luke stares at the tree,
trembling.
JERRY: How do you get all that wood in here?
LUKE: There's something not right here.
@MLASF 8:55pm:
Which Seinfeld episode was that?
Yoda sits on a large root, poking his Gimer Stick into the
dirt.
ELAINE: They deliver it.
LUKE: I feel cold, death.
JERRY: They deliver wood?
a
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