Friday, May 10, 2013

Quote of the Day

I'm currently reading Miracle Men: Hershiser, Gibson, and the Improbable 1988 Dodgers by Josh Suchon. A review is forthcoming (hint: buy it), but I wanted to share this with our readers. From page 69 (natch):

"We treated Tommy [Lasorda] like one of our teammates," [Steve] Sax recalled. "We did shit to Tommy that we can't tell you about. We used to strip him naked in the clubhouse and scribble on his nuts. But you know what, did the players play like hell for him, or what? We loved him. We'd do anything for Tommy."

Bolding and embiggening mine, because whaaaaaa? "Scribble on his nuts"? Like with a ballpoint pen? Because ouch. Or with a Sharpie? Because that ain't coming out. And what's the shit you can't tell us about? I fear livestock may be involved.

Or maybe this was all part of rookie hazing. "Here, kid, take this Uniball and sign your Hancock on the manager's Johnson." See if that affects your playing time, rook.

This instance of questionable locker room nudity reminds me of one of the funniest baseball-related columns I've read, by Ken Tremendous of Fire Joe Morgan. Will the hijinks of naked men in awkward situations ever cease to be amusing? The answer is no.

17 comments:

Fred's Brim said...

there was also the story of Pedro Guerrero (RIP) wiping his not-so-pequeño Pedro all over a deli meat spread and an unwitting Bill Russel making some sandwiches with it afterward

Dusty Baker said...

Just...wow. Glad I read this before I showered, cause I felt dirty after I read about Tommy's nuts.

I just can't picture the situation, and I don't want to.

Paul said...

Team chemistry or team bacteriology?

Hideo Nomo said...

So...Psy isn't the weirdest shit Tommy's ever seen.

QuadSevens said...

What does one scribble on someone else's nuts?

Dusty Baker said...

"Had a great time with you in biology class. Have a great summer!" - Steve Sax

Dusty Baker said...

7777 brings up a great point. I mean, when you're Steve Sax with a Sharpie in one hand and you have Tommy in a Y with the other, and it's time to wax poetic on Tommy's nuts, what the hell is going through your mind and how do you decide what you should write on his nuts? I mean, when Mrs. Dusty buys a Hallmark card for her mom or some shit, and asks me to sign it, it takes me awhile to come up with something vaguely appropriate for the moment.

Hideo Nomo said...

And in what direction do you write? So Tommy can read it right side up when he looks down? CAN he see his nuts when he looks down? Maybe that's the point?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

QuadSevens said...

"Had a run scoring double on a 2 ball count. Good to see you Mrs. Lasorda!" -Sax

MR.F said...

I'm very happy that they didn't cancel Parks and Rec. <3 April.

Paul said...

My handwriting is bad even on a chalkboard so i think I'd have to type it out on a piece of paper and use scotch tape.

Orel said...

Or maybe use a label maker?

Dusty Baker said...

TEAM CHEMISTRY ladies and gentlemen.

Dusty Baker's Toothpick said...

"no yanky my wanky"

Hideo Nomo said...

Wait, aren't ballpoint pens what you're SUPPOSED to use when signing balls? Sharpies can smear.

Dusty Baker said...

"Scrote of the day"

Meaniebreanie said...

Hmm, must ask Saxy about this. I cannot picture him as being the one to do it. Besides his handwriting is illegible. It would be nothing but a scribble.