So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:
- Comment here as you please
- Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
- For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.
Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:
Let the war of attrition begin!
3622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 800 of 3622 Newer› Newest»INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER
Rieekan looks up grimly from a console screen. He calls
over to Leia and Han.
KRAMER: A SLIDE!...Wow!
1 tablespoon powdered sage leaves
1 teaspoon powdered dry ginger
1 tablespoon crushed rosemary leaves
1 pack of tomato soup mix
1 tablespoon crushed Mexican Origanum leaves
1 teaspoon sweet marjoram
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon hot pepper powder
1 chicken cut into frying pieces
1 1/2 teaspoon crushed wild thyme leaves
150 grams all purpose flour blended nicely with secret herbs combination
2 tablespoon of garlic salt
2 tablespoon of powdered chicken soup cubes
2 tablespoon of onion salt
2 eggs
160 milliliters of milk
40 gram brown sugar
3 tablespoon of dry minced parsley leaves
JERRY: ...No, it's, it's just my neighbour...uhm...yeah, I got it [takes a pencil and a cereal box to write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here!
RIEEKAN: Princess...we have a visitor.
Has anybody see the Skittles Tubesock commercial? I wonder who would win in a Smonkey-Tubesock battle
Let me rock ya Chaka Khan!
Are you using the metric system, Josh? Party foul!
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress]
@dusty
If we were intended to use imperial units, we'd have 8 fingers and 12 toes.
JERRY: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. [talks from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down.
The group hurries over to Rieekan.
GEORGE: Ya know, I can't believe you're bringin' in an extra bed for woman, that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down]
RIEEKAN: We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve,
moving east.
LOST!
JERRY: [hands George a beer] Look, it's a very awkward situation, I, I don't wanna be presumptuous.
RIEEKAN: We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve,
moving east.
GEORGE: All right, all right, one more time, one more time! What was the EXACT phrasing of the request?
SENIOR CONTROLLER: It's metal.
JERRY: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel- room...
LEIA: Then it couldn't be one of those creatures that attacked Luke.
GEORGE: A decent hotel-room...
HAN: It could be a speeder, one of ours.
JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place.
SENIOR CONTROLLER: No. Wait -- there's something very weak coming
through.
JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place.
Threepio steps up to the control panel and listens intently
to the strange signal.
GEORGE: You can't be serious. This is New York city: there must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms! Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!
THREEPIO: Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication. This
signal is not used by the Alliance. It could be an Imperial code.
JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday?
The transmission ends in static.
GEORGE: I think I was affected by the caffeine. [suddenly a dog enters the apartment and jumps George at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.]
HAN: It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, Chewie, let's check
it out.
KRAMER: [walks in behind the dog and closes the door] He really likes you, George.
RIEEKAN: Send Rouges Ten and Eleven to station three-eight.
GEORGE: [ironically] Well, that's flattering.
EXTERIOR: HOTH -- SNOW PLAIN -- DAY
The dark probe robot moves past the smoldering ruins of
station three-eight and down a ridge toward the Rebel base. It
raises a large antenna from the top of its head and begins to
send out a piercing signal.
KRAMER: [the dog runs to the bathroom and apparently starts drinking from the toilet] Oh, he's getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl?
The probe droid has spotted Chewbacca who, not thirty feet
away, has popped his head over a snow bank. Instantly, the
probe robot swings around, its deadly ray ready to fire. But
before it can get a shot off, it is hit from behind by a laser
bolt, and explodes in a million pieces.
JERRY: Yeah.
Han Solo replaces his blaster in its holster and peers
intently at the smoldering remains of the Imperial probe.
KRAMER: Why even give her an option?
INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER
Leia and Rieekan listen to Han on the comlink.
JERRY: This is a person I like, it's not: "How to score on spring break".
HAN: (over comlink) Afraid there's not much left.
GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.
LEIA: (into comlink) What was it?
GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.
HAN: (over comlink) Droid of some kind. I didn't hit it that hard. It
must have had a self-destruct.
JERRY: Yeah, OK. Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.
LEIA: (into comlink) An Imperial probe droid.
GEORGE: So what? That's good.
HAN: (over comlink) It's a good bet the Empire knows we're here.
JERRY: Now, how could that be good?
RIEEKAN: We'd better start the evacuation.
GEORGE: Because filth is good...Whatta you think: rock stars have sponges and ammonia lyin' around the bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- IMPERIAL FLEET
Darth Vader's Star Destroyer, larger and more awesome than
the five Imperial Star Destroyers that surround it, sits in
the vastness of space. The six huge ships are surrounded by a
convoy of smaller spacecraft. TIE fighters dart to and fro.
JERRY: This is how you operate?
INTERIOR: DARTH VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE -- MAIN CONTROL DECK
Controllers working the vast complex of electronic controls
hear ominous approaching footsteps and look up from their
controls. The squat, evil-looking Admiral Ozzel and the young,
powerfully built General Veers, who have been conferring near
the front, also feel the approaching presence and turn toward
it. Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, enters like a chill wind.
As Vader moves across the wide bridge, Captain Piett hurries
up to Ozzel.
GEORGE: Yeah, I wish.
OZZEL: Yes, Captain
JERRY: Let me just wipe the sink.
PIETT: I think we've got something, sir. The report is only a fragment
from a probe droid in the Hoth system, but it's the best lead we've
had.
KRAMER: [stands up from the couch and yells.] WHY EVEN GIVE HER AN OPTION FOR? [Jerry walks to the bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable.
OZZEL: (irritated) We have thousands of probe droids searching the
galaxy. I want proof, not leads!
GEORGE: Yeah.
PIETT: The visuals indicate life readings.
KRAMER: ...How's the real estate-business?
OZZEL: It could mean anything. If we followed every lead...
GEORGE:...[surprised he asked] It's uh, not bad, it's comin' along...Why? Did you need something.
PIETT: But, sir, the Hoth system is supposed to be devoid of human
forms.
KRAMER: Do you handle any of that commercial...real estate?
Vader moves to a large screen showing an image of the Rebel
snow base. Rebel speeders can be seen approaching the base in
the distance.
GEORGE: Well, I might be getting in to that.
VADER: You found something?
KRAMER: [slaps George on the arm] You keep me posted!
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
GEORGE: I'm aware of you, all right, let's go [opens the bathroom door], let's go! [Jerry and the dog come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes.
VADER: (studying the image on the console screen) That's it. The
Rebels are there.
[Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura]
OZZEL: My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. It could be
smugglers, it could be...
JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?
VADER: That is the system. And I'm sure Skywalker is with them. Set
your course for the Hoth system. General Veers, prepare you men.
This thread could be the script to one of the most demented mashups of all-time.
My biggest question, will this thread make it to 2000 before blogger chokes and dies on it?
INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- TRANSPORT BAY
A captain issues instructions to two of his men at the
entrance to the main transport bay. Several Rebel transports
behind them are being loaded by men carrying heavy boxes and
moving quickly, but not in panic.
Blogger choking on my end. I keep clicking newest and it doesn't take me to the end of the thread immediately.
I win.
REBEL CAPTAIN: Groups seven and ten will stay behind to fly the
speeders. As soon as each transport is loaded, evacuation control will
give clearance for immediate launch.
REBEL FIGHTER: Right, sir.
INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK
Alarms sound. Troops, ground crews, and droids rush to
their alert stations. Armored snowspeeders are lined up in
attack formation near the main entrance.
In the midst of all this activity, Han does some frantic
welding on the lifters of the Millennium Falcon.
Han finishes his work and hops down to the hangar floor. He
pulls out his comlink, all the while eyeing problematic
lifters.
HAN: (into comlink, to Chewie) Okay, that's it. Try it...Off! Turn it
off! Turn it off! Off!
700
Day 7 of the continued descent into madness.
Smoke rises from a minor explosion on the lifter.
Exasperated, Han surveys the new damage.
Mr. F - Puhleeze! This monday I'm needing a triple valium latte, easy on the crazy.
INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MEDICAL CENTER
Luke dresses in readiness for the evacuation as his
attending medical droid stands by.
DINNER!
MEDICAL DROID: Sir, it will take quite awhile to evacuate the T-forty-
sevens.
For those of you in an alternative universe....
Fore score and seven years ago...
LUKE: Well, forget the heavy equipment. There's plenty of time to get
the smaller modules on the transports.
MEDICAL DROID: Take care, sir.
Oops. Lost track of posts.
JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?
LUKE: Thanks.
GEORGE: What a world that would be, if you just could ask a woman what she's thinkin'.
INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK
Pilots, gunners, and R2 units scurry about. Luke, pulling
on his heavy-weather jacket, is headed toward a row of armored
speeders. He stops at the rear of the Millennium Falcon, where
Han and Chewie are trying to repair the right lifter with even
more haste than before.
JERRY: Ya know, instead, I'm like a detective: I've gotta pick up clues, the whole thing is a murder investigation.
LUKE: Chewie, take care of yourself, okay?
GEORGE: Listen, listen, don't get worked up, 'cause you're gonna know the whole story the minute she steps off the plane.
As Luke pats Chewie on the arm, Chewie puts his arms around
Luke and gives him a tight hug. Han is discussing the lifter
with a repair droid when he sees Luke.
JERRY: Really? How?
HAN: Hi, kid. (to droid) There's got to be a reason for it. Check it
at the other end. Wait a second. (to Luke) You all right?
GEORGE: 'Cause it's all in the greeting.
LUKE: Yeah.
JERRY: Uh-huh.
HAN: Be careful.
GEORGE: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign.
LUKE: You, too.
JERRY: Right.
Luke smiles, then waves at his friend and walks on. After a
few steps, he stops and looks back. Han glances up and the two
exchange a silent communication, each wishing the other
safety, happiness -- many things, all difficult to verbalize.
GEORGE: Ya know, anything in the, in the "lip-area" is good.
INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- CONTROL ROOM.
Alarms sound throughout the hidden Rebel base. In the
control room, a controller urgently gestures for General
Rieekan to check a computer scan.
JERRY: "Lip-area".
I hate the Phillies
I hate smug Angel geeks
I hate bad grammar
And Padre winning streaks
I hate blocked comments,
Conflicting edits, too!
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
GEORGE: Ya know a hug: definitely good.
CONTROLLER: General, there's a fleet of Star Destroyers coming out of
hyperspace in sector four.
JERRY: Hug is definitely good.
RIEEKAN: Reroute all power to the energy shield. We've got to hold
them till all transports are away. Prepare for ground assault.
GEORGE: Sure.
Rieekan exits hurriedly.
JERRY: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight feet apart?
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER -- MEDITATION CUBICLE
The dark cubicle is illuminated by a single shaft of light
which falls on the brooding Dark Lord as he sits on a raised
meditation cube. General Veers enters the room and approaches
the silent, unmoving Vader. Although seemingly very sure of
himself, Veers is still not bold enough to interrupt the
meditating lord. The younger general stands quietly at
attention until the evil presence speaks.
VADER: What is it, General?
JERRY: Ya know how they do that?
VEERS: My lord, the fleet has moves out of light-speed. Com-Scan has
detected an energy field protecting an area around the sixth planet of
the Hoth system. The field is strong enough to deflect any
bombardment.
GEORGE: That's why, ya know, a shake is bad.
VADER: (angrily) The Rebels are alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel
came out of light-speed too close to the system.
JERRY: Shake is bad, but what if it's the "two-hander"? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top, the warm look in the eyes?
VEERS: He felt surprise was wiser...
This is rather impressive, Misters F and LASF!
checking in
VADER: He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops
for a surface attack.
GEORGE: Hand-sandwich.
VEERS: Yes, my lord.
JERRY: Right.
SMONK: (silent, as Smonk can't talk)
GEORGE: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands over Jerry's eyes]
Veers turns smartly and leaves as Vader activates a large
viewscreen showing the bridge of his mighty ship. Admiral
Ozzel appears on the viewscreen, standing slightly in front of
Captain Piett.
LAURA: Guess who?
OZZEL: Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light-speed, and we're
preparing to...Aaagh!
JERRY: Hey, hey.
VADER: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett.
LAURA and JERRY: Heeeey! [they take each others hands like they're planning to do a folk dance; George is looking puzzled]
Piett steps forward, as the admiral moves away, slightly
confused, touching his throat as it begins to constrict
painfully.
JERRY: It's good to see you.
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
LAURA: Hi.
VADER: Make ready to land out troops beyond the energy shield and
deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off that system. You are in
command now, Admiral Piett.
JERRY: This is my friend George.
PIETT: Thank you, Lord Vader.
LAURA: [shakes George's hand] Hi, how nice to meet you.
INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK
With a sense of urgency, Leia quickly briefs a group of
pilots gathered in the center of the hangar.
GEORGE: Hi, how are you?
LEIA: All troop carriers will assemble at the north entrance. The
heavy transport ships will leave as soon as they're loaded. Only two
fighter escorts per ship. The energy shield can only be opened for a
short time, so you'll have to stay very close to your transports.
JERRY: This is Laura.
Good inning for Kershaw.
HOBBIE: Two fighters against a Star Destroyer?
JERRY: This is Laura.
PILOTS: (in unison) Right. Okay.
GEORGE: Laura, sure.
LEIA: Good luck.
JERRY: [to Laura] I can't believe you're here.
DERLIN: Okay. Everyone to your stations. Let's go!
GEORGE and JERRY: Ooh yeah, the bags, sure. [they pick up the bags]
The pilots hurry away.
LAURA: Oh, thank you.
EXTERIOR: HOTH -- ICE PLAIN -- SNOW TRENCH -- DAY
Rebel troops carry heavy bazooka-type weapons and position
them along the snow trench. Men hurriedly respond to their
officers' yelled orders and brace themselves against the
rhythmic gusts of bitter-cold wind.
Other troops load power packs into a gun turret and swing
its guns into position.
JERRY: [privately to George] Now that was an interesting greeting, did you notice that, George?
EXTERIOR: HOTH -- ICE PLAIN -- POWER GENERATORS
Near the base power generators, troops rush to set up their
heavy battle equipment. Buzzing loudly, the generators send
along, sparking fingers of energy into the bitter Hoth wind.
GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.
INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER
The long line of Rebel controllers is tense, as are
Princess Leia and General Rieekan, who are trying very hard
not to show any fear.
GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.
RIEEKAN: Their primary target will be the power generators. Prepare to
open the shield.
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment]
A WIENER IS YOU!
EXTERIOR: ICE PLAIN
The Rebel transport and two escort fighters begin their
departure from the ice planet.
JERRY: So uh, what do ya think?
A huge Imperial Star Destroyer rest against a sea of stars,
far above the white surface of the planet Hoth.
INTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE
An Imperial controller approaches his commander.
800
almost forgot about this thing.
I admire your persistence, MR F.
LAURA: Ooohhh, wow! This place isn't so bad.
Good Morning Fellow Earthlings! It's Day 9 and we are still going strong.
Only 1 more day left to see what ridiculous prices will be set for the Yankee game.
CONTROLLER: Sir, Rebel ships are coming into our sector.
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant,
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table.
David Hume could out consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as Schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed!
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On a half pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, Plato could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram.
René Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am".
Now Socrates himself is particularly missed.
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
CAPTAIN: Good. Our first catch of the day.
The sock monkey's most direct predecessors originated in the Victorian era, when the craze for imitation stuffed animals swept from Europe into North America and met the burgeoning Arts and Crafts Movement. Mothers there took to sewing stuffed animals as toys to comfort their children, and, as tales of the Scramble for Africa increased the public's familiarity with exotic species, monkey toys soon became a fixture of American nurseries. However, these early stuffed monkeys were not necessarily made from socks, and also lacked the characteristic red lips of the sock monkeys popular today.
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