Tuesday, May 18, 2010

SoSG Smonkstakes!

So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:

  • Comment here as you please
  • Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
  • For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.

Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:

Let the war of attrition begin!

3888 comments:

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MR. F said...

The voice repeats the order and Han, Chewie, Artoo, and
Threepio hurry out of the room, bidding farewell to Luke.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Hello...Oh, hi, Laura.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

Try all you like, Mr. F. Sooner or later, everyone loses to the 100SS Champ.

MR. F said...

HAN: Take it easy.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: Give me it...let me talk to her [continues this way].

MR. F said...

THREEPIO: Excuse us, please.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: [gestures Kramer to shut up] No believe me, I'm always up at this hour. How are you?...great...sure...What time does the plane get in?...I got my friend George to take me...[Kramer suddenly notices something in the Mets-game on TV]...

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER

Rieekan looks up grimly from a console screen. He calls
over to Leia and Han.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: A SLIDE!...Wow!

Josh S. said...

1 tablespoon powdered sage leaves
1 teaspoon powdered dry ginger
1 tablespoon crushed rosemary leaves
1 pack of tomato soup mix
1 tablespoon crushed Mexican Origanum leaves
1 teaspoon sweet marjoram
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon hot pepper powder
1 chicken cut into frying pieces
1 1/2 teaspoon crushed wild thyme leaves
150 grams all purpose flour blended nicely with secret herbs combination
2 tablespoon of garlic salt
2 tablespoon of powdered chicken soup cubes
2 tablespoon of onion salt
2 eggs
160 milliliters of milk
40 gram brown sugar
3 tablespoon of dry minced parsley leaves

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: ...No, it's, it's just my neighbour...uhm...yeah, I got it [takes a pencil and a cereal box to write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here!

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: Princess...we have a visitor.

Fred's Brim said...

Has anybody see the Skittles Tubesock commercial? I wonder who would win in a Smonkey-Tubesock battle

Dusty Baker said...

Let me rock ya Chaka Khan!

Dusty Baker said...

Are you using the metric system, Josh? Party foul!

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress]

Mr. Customer said...

@dusty

If we were intended to use imperial units, we'd have 8 fingers and 12 toes.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. [talks from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down.

MR. F said...

The group hurries over to Rieekan.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Ya know, I can't believe you're bringin' in an extra bed for woman, that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down]

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve,
moving east.

Dr. Geek said...

LOST!

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: [hands George a beer] Look, it's a very awkward situation, I, I don't wanna be presumptuous.

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve,
moving east.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: All right, all right, one more time, one more time! What was the EXACT phrasing of the request?

MR. F said...

SENIOR CONTROLLER: It's metal.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel- room...

MR. F said...

LEIA: Then it couldn't be one of those creatures that attacked Luke.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: A decent hotel-room...

MR. F said...

HAN: It could be a speeder, one of ours.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place.

MR. F said...

SENIOR CONTROLLER: No. Wait -- there's something very weak coming
through.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place.

MR. F said...

Threepio steps up to the control panel and listens intently
to the strange signal.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: You can't be serious. This is New York city: there must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms! Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!

MR. F said...

THREEPIO: Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication. This
signal is not used by the Alliance. It could be an Imperial code.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday?

MR. F said...

The transmission ends in static.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: I think I was affected by the caffeine. [suddenly a dog enters the apartment and jumps George at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.]

MR. F said...

HAN: It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, Chewie, let's check
it out.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: [walks in behind the dog and closes the door] He really likes you, George.

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: Send Rouges Ten and Eleven to station three-eight.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: [ironically] Well, that's flattering.

MR. F said...

EXTERIOR: HOTH -- SNOW PLAIN -- DAY

The dark probe robot moves past the smoldering ruins of
station three-eight and down a ridge toward the Rebel base. It
raises a large antenna from the top of its head and begins to
send out a piercing signal.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: [the dog runs to the bathroom and apparently starts drinking from the toilet] Oh, he's getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl?

MR. F said...

The probe droid has spotted Chewbacca who, not thirty feet
away, has popped his head over a snow bank. Instantly, the
probe robot swings around, its deadly ray ready to fire. But
before it can get a shot off, it is hit from behind by a laser
bolt, and explodes in a million pieces.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Yeah.

MR. F said...

Han Solo replaces his blaster in its holster and peers
intently at the smoldering remains of the Imperial probe.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: Why even give her an option?

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER

Leia and Rieekan listen to Han on the comlink.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: This is a person I like, it's not: "How to score on spring break".

MR. F said...

HAN: (over comlink) Afraid there's not much left.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.

MR. F said...

LEIA: (into comlink) What was it?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.

MR. F said...

HAN: (over comlink) Droid of some kind. I didn't hit it that hard. It
must have had a self-destruct.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Yeah, OK. Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.

MR. F said...

LEIA: (into comlink) An Imperial probe droid.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: So what? That's good.

MR. F said...

HAN: (over comlink) It's a good bet the Empire knows we're here.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Now, how could that be good?

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: We'd better start the evacuation.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Because filth is good...Whatta you think: rock stars have sponges and ammonia lyin' around the bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.

MR. F said...

EXTERIOR: SPACE -- IMPERIAL FLEET

Darth Vader's Star Destroyer, larger and more awesome than
the five Imperial Star Destroyers that surround it, sits in
the vastness of space. The six huge ships are surrounded by a
convoy of smaller spacecraft. TIE fighters dart to and fro.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: This is how you operate?

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: DARTH VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE -- MAIN CONTROL DECK

Controllers working the vast complex of electronic controls
hear ominous approaching footsteps and look up from their
controls. The squat, evil-looking Admiral Ozzel and the young,
powerfully built General Veers, who have been conferring near
the front, also feel the approaching presence and turn toward
it. Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, enters like a chill wind.
As Vader moves across the wide bridge, Captain Piett hurries
up to Ozzel.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Yeah, I wish.

MR. F said...

OZZEL: Yes, Captain

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Let me just wipe the sink.

MR. F said...

PIETT: I think we've got something, sir. The report is only a fragment
from a probe droid in the Hoth system, but it's the best lead we've
had.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: [stands up from the couch and yells.] WHY EVEN GIVE HER AN OPTION FOR? [Jerry walks to the bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable.

MR. F said...

OZZEL: (irritated) We have thousands of probe droids searching the
galaxy. I want proof, not leads!

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Yeah.

MR. F said...

PIETT: The visuals indicate life readings.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: ...How's the real estate-business?

MR. F said...

OZZEL: It could mean anything. If we followed every lead...

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE:...[surprised he asked] It's uh, not bad, it's comin' along...Why? Did you need something.

MR. F said...

PIETT: But, sir, the Hoth system is supposed to be devoid of human
forms.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: Do you handle any of that commercial...real estate?

MR. F said...

Vader moves to a large screen showing an image of the Rebel
snow base. Rebel speeders can be seen approaching the base in
the distance.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Well, I might be getting in to that.

MR. F said...

VADER: You found something?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

KRAMER: [slaps George on the arm] You keep me posted!

MR. F said...

PIETT: Yes, my lord.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: I'm aware of you, all right, let's go [opens the bathroom door], let's go! [Jerry and the dog come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes.

MR. F said...

VADER: (studying the image on the console screen) That's it. The
Rebels are there.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

[Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura]

MR. F said...

OZZEL: My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. It could be
smugglers, it could be...

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?

MR. F said...

VADER: That is the system. And I'm sure Skywalker is with them. Set
your course for the Hoth system. General Veers, prepare you men.

Mr. Customer said...

This thread could be the script to one of the most demented mashups of all-time.

Mr. Customer said...

My biggest question, will this thread make it to 2000 before blogger chokes and dies on it?

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- TRANSPORT BAY

A captain issues instructions to two of his men at the
entrance to the main transport bay. Several Rebel transports
behind them are being loaded by men carrying heavy boxes and
moving quickly, but not in panic.

Dusty Baker said...

Blogger choking on my end. I keep clicking newest and it doesn't take me to the end of the thread immediately.

I win.

MR. F said...

REBEL CAPTAIN: Groups seven and ten will stay behind to fly the
speeders. As soon as each transport is loaded, evacuation control will
give clearance for immediate launch.

MR. F said...

REBEL FIGHTER: Right, sir.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: HOTH -- REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK

Alarms sound. Troops, ground crews, and droids rush to
their alert stations. Armored snowspeeders are lined up in
attack formation near the main entrance.
In the midst of all this activity, Han does some frantic
welding on the lifters of the Millennium Falcon.
Han finishes his work and hops down to the hangar floor. He
pulls out his comlink, all the while eyeing problematic
lifters.

MR. F said...

HAN: (into comlink, to Chewie) Okay, that's it. Try it...Off! Turn it
off! Turn it off! Off!

MR. F said...

700

Meaniebreanie said...

Day 7 of the continued descent into madness.

MR. F said...

Smoke rises from a minor explosion on the lifter.
Exasperated, Han surveys the new damage.

Meaniebreanie said...

Mr. F - Puhleeze! This monday I'm needing a triple valium latte, easy on the crazy.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MEDICAL CENTER

Luke dresses in readiness for the evacuation as his
attending medical droid stands by.

Dr. Geek said...

DINNER!

MR. F said...

MEDICAL DROID: Sir, it will take quite awhile to evacuate the T-forty-
sevens.

Neeebs said...

For those of you in an alternative universe....

Fore score and seven years ago...

MR. F said...

LUKE: Well, forget the heavy equipment. There's plenty of time to get
the smaller modules on the transports.

MR. F said...

MEDICAL DROID: Take care, sir.

MR. F said...

Oops. Lost track of posts.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?

MR. F said...

LUKE: Thanks.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: What a world that would be, if you just could ask a woman what she's thinkin'.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK

Pilots, gunners, and R2 units scurry about. Luke, pulling
on his heavy-weather jacket, is headed toward a row of armored
speeders. He stops at the rear of the Millennium Falcon, where
Han and Chewie are trying to repair the right lifter with even
more haste than before.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Ya know, instead, I'm like a detective: I've gotta pick up clues, the whole thing is a murder investigation.

MR. F said...

LUKE: Chewie, take care of yourself, okay?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Listen, listen, don't get worked up, 'cause you're gonna know the whole story the minute she steps off the plane.

MR. F said...

As Luke pats Chewie on the arm, Chewie puts his arms around
Luke and gives him a tight hug. Han is discussing the lifter
with a repair droid when he sees Luke.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Really? How?

MR. F said...

HAN: Hi, kid. (to droid) There's got to be a reason for it. Check it
at the other end. Wait a second. (to Luke) You all right?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: 'Cause it's all in the greeting.

MR. F said...

LUKE: Yeah.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Uh-huh.

MR. F said...

HAN: Be careful.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign.

MR. F said...

LUKE: You, too.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Right.

MR. F said...

Luke smiles, then waves at his friend and walks on. After a
few steps, he stops and looks back. Han glances up and the two
exchange a silent communication, each wishing the other
safety, happiness -- many things, all difficult to verbalize.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Ya know, anything in the, in the "lip-area" is good.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- CONTROL ROOM.

Alarms sound throughout the hidden Rebel base. In the
control room, a controller urgently gestures for General
Rieekan to check a computer scan.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: "Lip-area".

Dusty Baker said...

I hate the Phillies
I hate smug Angel geeks
I hate bad grammar
And Padre winning streaks
I hate blocked comments,
Conflicting edits, too!
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Ya know a hug: definitely good.

MR. F said...

CONTROLLER: General, there's a fleet of Star Destroyers coming out of
hyperspace in sector four.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Hug is definitely good.

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: Reroute all power to the energy shield. We've got to hold
them till all transports are away. Prepare for ground assault.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Sure.

MR. F said...

Rieekan exits hurriedly.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight feet apart?

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER -- MEDITATION CUBICLE

The dark cubicle is illuminated by a single shaft of light
which falls on the brooding Dark Lord as he sits on a raised
meditation cube. General Veers enters the room and approaches
the silent, unmoving Vader. Although seemingly very sure of
himself, Veers is still not bold enough to interrupt the
meditating lord. The younger general stands quietly at
attention until the evil presence speaks.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: That's so brutal, I hate that.

MR. F said...

VADER: What is it, General?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Ya know how they do that?

MR. F said...

VEERS: My lord, the fleet has moves out of light-speed. Com-Scan has
detected an energy field protecting an area around the sixth planet of
the Hoth system. The field is strong enough to deflect any
bombardment.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: That's why, ya know, a shake is bad.

MR. F said...

VADER: (angrily) The Rebels are alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel
came out of light-speed too close to the system.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Shake is bad, but what if it's the "two-hander"? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top, the warm look in the eyes?

MR. F said...

VEERS: He felt surprise was wiser...

J. Steve said...

This is rather impressive, Misters F and LASF!

Greg said...

checking in

MR. F said...

VADER: He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops
for a surface attack.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Hand-sandwich.

MR. F said...

VEERS: Yes, my lord.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Right.

Steve Sax said...

SMONK: (silent, as Smonk can't talk)

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands over Jerry's eyes]

MR. F said...

Veers turns smartly and leaves as Vader activates a large
viewscreen showing the bridge of his mighty ship. Admiral
Ozzel appears on the viewscreen, standing slightly in front of
Captain Piett.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

LAURA: Guess who?

MR. F said...

OZZEL: Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light-speed, and we're
preparing to...Aaagh!

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: Hey, hey.

MR. F said...

VADER: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

LAURA and JERRY: Heeeey! [they take each others hands like they're planning to do a folk dance; George is looking puzzled]

MR. F said...

Piett steps forward, as the admiral moves away, slightly
confused, touching his throat as it begins to constrict
painfully.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: It's good to see you.

MR. F said...

PIETT: Yes, my lord.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

LAURA: Hi.

MR. F said...

VADER: Make ready to land out troops beyond the energy shield and
deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off that system. You are in
command now, Admiral Piett.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: This is my friend George.

MR. F said...

PIETT: Thank you, Lord Vader.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

LAURA: [shakes George's hand] Hi, how nice to meet you.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- MAIN HANGAR DECK

With a sense of urgency, Leia quickly briefs a group of
pilots gathered in the center of the hangar.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Hi, how are you?

MR. F said...

LEIA: All troop carriers will assemble at the north entrance. The
heavy transport ships will leave as soon as they're loaded. Only two
fighter escorts per ship. The energy shield can only be opened for a
short time, so you'll have to stay very close to your transports.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: This is Laura.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

Good inning for Kershaw.

MR. F said...

HOBBIE: Two fighters against a Star Destroyer?

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: This is Laura.

MR. F said...

PILOTS: (in unison) Right. Okay.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Laura, sure.

MR. F said...

LEIA: Good luck.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: [to Laura] I can't believe you're here.

MR. F said...

DERLIN: Okay. Everyone to your stations. Let's go!

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE and JERRY: Ooh yeah, the bags, sure. [they pick up the bags]

MR. F said...

The pilots hurry away.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

LAURA: Oh, thank you.

MR. F said...

EXTERIOR: HOTH -- ICE PLAIN -- SNOW TRENCH -- DAY

Rebel troops carry heavy bazooka-type weapons and position
them along the snow trench. Men hurriedly respond to their
officers' yelled orders and brace themselves against the
rhythmic gusts of bitter-cold wind.
Other troops load power packs into a gun turret and swing
its guns into position.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: [privately to George] Now that was an interesting greeting, did you notice that, George?

MR. F said...

EXTERIOR: HOTH -- ICE PLAIN -- POWER GENERATORS

Near the base power generators, troops rush to set up their
heavy battle equipment. Buzzing loudly, the generators send
along, sparking fingers of energy into the bitter Hoth wind.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: REBEL BASE -- COMMAND CENTER

The long line of Rebel controllers is tense, as are
Princess Leia and General Rieekan, who are trying very hard
not to show any fear.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.

MR. F said...

RIEEKAN: Their primary target will be the power generators. Prepare to
open the shield.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment]

Dr. Geek said...

A WIENER IS YOU!

MR. F said...

EXTERIOR: ICE PLAIN

The Rebel transport and two escort fighters begin their
departure from the ice planet.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

JERRY: So uh, what do ya think?

MR. F said...

A huge Imperial Star Destroyer rest against a sea of stars,
far above the white surface of the planet Hoth.

MR. F said...

INTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE

An Imperial controller approaches his commander.

MR. F said...

800

Bryan said...

almost forgot about this thing.

Jason said...

I admire your persistence, MR F.

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