Thursday, April 30, 2009

Five Things I Hope Are Improved For This Homestand

The Dodgers are the only team in the majors to be undefeated at home, a perfect 6-0. And many of you would think, "Wow, what else can be improved upon at Dodger Stadium? So far, it's been perfect!" However, this is Sons of Steve Garvey, where we are always suggesting ways we can improve the experience for Dodger fans. This 2009 team may be pretty darn impressive on the Chavez Ravine field through April, but here are a quick five things that we hope can be changed before tonight's game, the first of a 11-game homestand:

1. Get rid of the Kaiser Permanente Jr. Dodgers Exercise Minute video. For those of you who may have missed this train wreck, this is a new interstitial feature which has two small kids and an uninspiring exercise instructor pointing out some bodily functions, hoping that the crowd will join in and replicate their movements. However, it is so lame, with the production value so poor, that in the two times I have been there, the video has cut away to crowd shots of the fans looking confused, or vamping for the camera as normal. Look, I'm all for the Jr. Dodgers club (though I miss the "Dodgers Blue Crew" moniker), and for kids, and for exercise. But this video is just embarrassing. And no one is inspired to move. Kill it.

2. Add a dash of ethnic diversity to the all-white cartoon Dodger characters that are used after player introductions. I know, this may cause a bit more production work for the project that you purchased from the University of Laverne computer animation class. But to have a group of ethnically homogeneous cartoony Dodgers fail to reflect the rich history of racial diversity in our team, as well as our city--it's really insulting. "All Are Welcome" in Dodgertown, right (as the saying goes)?

3. Keep Juan Pierre out of the starting rotation. Pierre's fielding performance in last night's game wasn't the reason we lost (that Lincecum guy is at least a decent #3 starter), but there were enough groan-inducing misadventures in the outfield for one to hope that Matt Kemp got a lot of rest yesterday, and is ready to play again tonight.

4. Stop playing "Don't Stop Believing" going into the ninth inning if the Dodgers have the lead. Sure, it's a popular song, but if we're WINNING, shouldn't we be doing something to make the opposition give up hope, rather than inspire them to a comeback feat?

5. Please let Nancy Bea Hefley out of her cell after the game. Whenever they show her on Diamond Vision during her stretch, she looks like she hasn't eaten for days (perhaps it's because she becomes malnourished after waiting for "God Bless America" to finish its new spot leading off the seventh-inning stretch). She's the best organist in the majors and a Dodger tradition. Let's treat her right and give her a full steak dinner with all the trimmings!

Or maybe she just keeps fit and trim by participating in so many of those Kaiser Permanente Jr. Dodgers Exercise Minute videos.


DanGarion said...

OMG God Bless America has become a everygame staple now? I just might have to stop going to Dodger games whatsoever if that is the case.

Steve Sax said...

Yep, Dan. Second bullet point here tells the story, as well as links to Jon Weisman's informal poll which strongly disapproved of the new "tradition".