SoSG FF: Week 1 Update / Week 2 Smack Thread

Mr. LA Sports Czar is awesome for managing this league. Take it away, Marla:

The first week of fantasy madness is over, and while half of the participants celebrate, the other half will pout in their misery. Let's mock those losers!

Mr. LA Sports Czar 80 - Spank 66: A big win for me, as the Eagles' D led the pack with 16 points, followed by He Who Must Not Be Named By Order of Pat Haden with 14 points. The Spanker had a whopping 21 points from the Ravens' defense, 12 points from Steve Breaston, and 11 points from Steven Jackson. However, the rest of Spank's team brought in just 22 points combined.

Mr. Customer 78 - Meaniebreanie 70: The young MC busts a move on MB, thanks to 15 points from Colt McCoy and 11 points apiece from Jahvid Best, Jason Witten, and Nick Folk. MB saw 26 points from Mike Tolbert and 15 points from Tim Hightower go for naught.

Josh S. 103 - Prof. Dittmore 99: Josh pulls off the big upset, topping the reigning champ after six of his nine men played in Thursday's season opener. Drew Brees had 28 points for Josh, while the Jets' D raked 17 and Randall Cobb added 15. Ditty made it a contest, thanks to 25 points from Kenny Brit, 22 points from Matthew Stafford, and 19 points from the Bears' D.

Karina 92 - Fernie V 88: Fan-favorite Karina hopes to avoid a fantasy sophomore-slump, and Week One's effort helped immensely. Ray Rice had 26 points for Karina, and Calvin Johnson threw in 20 points for good measure. FV had a well-balanced week, but could not get the big game necessary for a win. Tony Romo's 17 points and Michael Turner's 12 fell by the wayside.

NicJ 76 - Central Valley Fan 62: Nic faced certain defeat heading into Monday night, but Tom Brady saved his bacon. Brady had 34 points, giving Nic more than enough to earn a Week One win. CVF couldn't pull out a victory, despite 17 points from Philip Rivers and 13 points from Jordy Nelson.

Loney Fan 85 - Steve K 70: In a battle of the SoSG fantasy newcomers, Loney Fan gets the W, thanks to 21 points from Matt Forte, 18 points from Jay Cutler, and 16 points from Beanie Wells. Reggie Wayne's 16 points and Jason Campbell's 14 were not enough for Steve K.

rbnlaw 85 - Jason 80: Jason was at the mercy of Merlin Olsen, as rbnlaw secures a close victory, thanks in part to Joe Flacco's 20 points and 15 from both David Akers and Andre Johnson. Jason had some solid games, such as Michael Vick's 22 points and Rob Gronkowski's 14 points, but it wasn't enough for a win.

Dusty Baker 103 - Wicks 80: Dusty rides again. After putting up the gaudiest numbers of the 2010 fantasy season, DB gets another power-packed win. The 49ers' D took the top spot with 26 points, followed closely by Aaron Rodgers and his 24 points. Wicks tried to defend himself with Aaron Hernandez (16 points) and Josh Freeman (14 points), but Dusty proved too much, as he always does.

QuadSevens 96 - Paul 70: Q7 gets the trophy for most lopsided win (no, seriously, he won a fucking trophy!), trouncing Paul like so many men have trounced Neeebs' mom. 29 Steve Smith points paved the way for Q7's victory, while Cedric Benson had 18 points and Maurice Jones-Drew had 15. Paul saw LeSean McCoy grab 25 points and Dez Bryant take in 13, but no other man could get double figures.

Ugh, that took forever. What genius thought 18 teams would be a good idea? Whatever. Week Two is on the docket with the following trials: Mr. C v. MLASC, Spanky v. Josh, MB v. P-Ditty, Nic v. Karina, Fernie V v. Loney Fan, CVF v. Steve K, Dusty v. rbn, Jason v. Paul, and finally Wicks v. Q7.

Are you ready for some football!?!?

No?

Dammit.