Giants' Affeldt Out For Season With Self-Inflicted BBQ Injury

As further proof the Giants made their Faustian bargain to win a World Series last year that no one watched, here's a story even we couldn't have made up:

We've all stood at the barbecue, dressed in our finest apron, fired-up and ready to grill some juicy burgers at a family cookout, when we realize that something is wrong.

The grill is hot and the chef is ready, but the burgers are not. Someone — perhaps the wife, or a child — neglected to defrost the meat.

Sigh. Frozen, anyone can work with. But nobody grills six patties at a time!

That's likely the situation San Francisco Giants southpaw Jeremy Affeldt faced at a family gathering Thursday. Only, rather than do the safe thing by defrosting the burgers in a microwave, or even in some warm water, or just waiting, he tried separating the patties with a sharp knife.

Well, something went wrong, just like our parents said might happen, and Affeldt cut a deep gash in his right (non-throwing) hand. The injury required surgery lasting eight hours to fix nerve damage in his pinkie. Affeldt told the Associated Press that he came came within a millimeter of cutting an artery.

He's out for the rest of the season.

The ironic thing is, Pablo Sandoval didn't even need the six patties separated in the first place.