Friday, September 10, 2010

Plaschke Emulators Hit San Diego Market

Tim Sullivan, despite your best (worst?) efforts, you are no Bill Plaschke:

Mat Latos is dominance defined. He is excellence embodied. He is raw talent and refined results.

He is pure hell on the hitters.

The Padres’ pitching phenomenon returned from a brief bout with a stomach virus Tuesday night with seven more innings of sustained brilliance. He held the Los Angeles Dodgers to four hits and one run in a taut 2-1 victory that preserved the Home Team’s one-game lead over the San Francisco Giants in the suddenly suspenseful National League West.

Latos went back on the job a day behind schedule and made it look, for the most part, like child’s play. He struck out 10, walked none, and established a major-league record by limiting his opponent to two runs or less for a 15th straight start of at least five innings.

If this kid is not part of the conversation for the Cy Young Award, it can only be because the voters place more emphasis on a man’s workload than on the quality of his work. If Colorado’s Ubaldo Jimenez, St. Louis’ Adam Wainwright and Philadelphia’s Roy Halladay have been more prolific than Latos, none of them have been more impressive.

It is refreshing to see that we're not the only snakebitten city boasting a sports columnist who talks in parallel clauses with unabashed hyperbole. Latos leads the league in WHIP and ERA, true, but he's 33rd not only in IP but also in K/BB, and 11th in Ks. He's also fifth in ERA+ (ballpark adjusted), behind Josh Johnson, Roy Halladay, Adam Wainwright, and Tim Hudson.

And, he's missing a T in his first name.

But this isn't about Latos, this is about the Plaschkeisms. I'll be on the lookout for more.

9 comments:

Dusty Baker said...

Plaschke disciple, indeed.

The killer is the absence of a "T" in Mat Latos' first name. Perhaps he could work out a trade deal with Theriot for his silent "t"?

Fred's Brim said...

and his silent "O"

Dusty Baker said...

0 as in 0-4?

Fred's Brim said...

O as in "O my gawd, we have to watch this bum for another season."

Jason said...

The missing 'T' is hiding out in his last name. Someone must have told it that the middle of Laos is nice this time of year.

Josh S. said...

I thought it was his silent Offense.

Josh S. said...

MALT OATS

Josh S. said...

SLAM A TOT

Dusty Baker said...

TOTAL SAM