Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Getting to Know Eric Collins

This exchange between Eric Collins and Steve Lyons occurred during the third inning of today's game. Guess which one is the former player:

Lyons: Just like [Shane] Victorino, [Chase] Utley was a former Dodger draft. Back in 1997, he was drafted by the Dodgers. He elected not to sign. Said, "I'm going to go to UCLA."

Collins: That'd be a good question. Who's the best baseball player to ever come out of UCLA? I'd say Jackie Robinson, phenomenal Hall of Famer. But of recent vintage, you got Troy Glaus—

Lyons: And out of UCLA when Jackie Robinson came out, baseball probably wasn't even his best sport.

Collins: And the walk is issued. That's the second walk allowed by Wolf.

Shane Mack, pretty good player. Eric Karros. Todd Zeile, the all-time home run leader among guys whose last names begin with Z.

Lyons: How many others are there?

Collins: Gus Zernial? Richie Zisk? Dutch Zwilling? [laughs] He's actually the last person in the Major League Baseball Encyclopedia.

Lyons: I hope so.

Collins: There's a good breaking ball for a strike. Oh and one.

There was a minor league a number of years ago in the Texas Rangers chain named Mike Zwyica. Z-W-Y-I-C-A. And his claim to fame was, as he was a rising prospect, if he made it to the big leagues, he would have been dead last in the Baseball Encyclopedia. But alas, he didn't make it. So Dutch Zwilling is safe at the back of the book.

Lyons: And safe knowing that you would look it up, because I'm thinking, it would be hard to get all the way to the back of the Baseball Encyclopedia. Who gets that far?

Collins: You mean you haven't read the entire thing from cover to cover?

Lyons: No.

Collins: From Aardsma to Zwilling?

Throw over to first base, Utley back standing.

Lyons: Gotta figure I'm somewhere in the middle.

Collins: Bet you would be.


More from Collins, later in the game:

Collins: Miguel Cairo one of the all-time greats among players whose last names are cities. Right up there with Orlando Merced. Daryl Boston. Going to take a while to think—Matt Lawton. Lawton, Oklahoma.


Felix Pardalis said...

I haven't heard the guy yet but the transcription reads like Uecker's lines from deleted scenes of Major League VII. Or maybe even Harry Shearer's broadcaster voice on Le Show.

PenosCabell said...

It's unbearable. The only thing worse than Collins and Lyons is Steiner and Monday.

It just makes you appreciate Vinny that much more.

NicJ said...


rbnlaw said...

I can live with Steiner. Lyons is best in small doses. . .very small.

QuadSevens said...

I turned the game on in the 7th and I heard the two of them talking about what directions a forward and backwards slash is drawn. I wasn't paying much attention but I think they even demonstrated it on the telestrator. Then Collins asked if Lyons could draw the guitarist Slash. It was the strangest convo to hear during a baseball broadcast.