Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lohan Conquers Universe

Looks like Barry Bonds won't be the only drugged-up diva soon laying claim to being #1. SoSG darling Lindsay Lohan will apparently top the new 2007 Maxim Hot 100 List, a story that somehow warranted a front page story on cnn.com.

SoSG has actually obtained the new Maxim List in full, information available only to those with either internet access or enough accumulated wealth to buy a magazine. A quick analysis of the new rankings reveals that turnover from last year is approximately 50%. For those worried/excited about what this means for next year's Babes roster (this year's contest will continue to use Maxim's 2006 list), SoSG breaks down the future Abes vs Babes impact:

Notable Arrivals: Kate Hudson (#27), Ashley Olsen (#37), Adriana Lima (#53). This could mean big trouble for the Abes. Thanks to Kate, Braves behemoth Tim Hudson (4-1, 1.83 ERA so far this season) and Dbacks infielder Orlando Hudson (0.313, 6 HR, 28 RBI) will be suiting up for the Babes next year. Thanks to Adriana, they've also locked up any action on a Jose Lima comeback. One question: If Ashley Olsen makes the list, where is Mary-Kate? Probably getting drunk with Ozzie Canseco.

Notable Departures: Eva Green (formerly #20), Cindy Crawford (#26), Brooke Burke (#94). This means that next year the well-rounded stats of Tampa Bay's Carl Crawford will be no longer. It also means the Babes can soon say goodbye to Shawn Green's 0.300+ hitting (as can Shawn Green).


Orel said...

I just created a Lindsay Lohan label. Now we are complete.

Trolley Dodger said...

Looks like Barry Bonds won't be the only drugged-up diva soon laying claim to being #1.

Best. Opening. Ever. :D

Delino DeShields said...

In other news, the remake of Chained Heat 2 I proposed just got greenlit. Lindsay will get paid in dimebags.

Steve Sax said...

Now that I'm done with the casting, can I ask someone exactly how you chain said heat? It seems to dissipate before I can get the links tightened.

Anonymous said...

If I were Lohan's agent, I'd steer her towards the Poison Ivy franchise instead

Eric Karros said...

Thanks Trolley D - when LiLo's involved the stuff pretty much writes itself.

PI franchise is the bomb. Drew Barrymore followed by Alyssa Milano followed by Jaime Pressly. No weak link in that batting order.