Monday, April 16, 2007

AvB Week 2 Update: Feeling Inadequate?

Warning: If you suffer from low self-esteem, you might want to skip the following Abes vs Babes update.

As the Man Upstairs churns out new members of humankind, you assume one of his objectives is to add some fairness and balance to the process. I mean, he must be making sure that everyone who enters the world has something going for them, while also making sure nobody's got it too easy. Something akin to the salary cap, or giving the Raiders the top draft pick. Mike Tyson was blessed with incomparable fighting skills, but he's also insane and speaks with a lisp; Jeff Hornacek could shoot a basketball with breathtaking accuracy, but his appearance frightens small children.

If that's the assumption, then Cindy Crawford must have been the beneficiary of a backroom clerical error when looks, brains, and good fortune were handed out. Not only is she one of the top-5 supermodels of all time (and Maxim Girl #26), but she also graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA, was awarded a chemical engineering scholarship to study at Northwestern, and is a Billy Baldwin survivor. And as if that weren't enough, she now adds the Abes vs Babes Player of the Week Award to her lifetime achievements, thanks to the on-field performance of her namesake Carl Crawford.

Yes, Carl had a pretty good week. The Tampa Bay outfielder who once proudly stated "I want to be the guy who people see at No. 1 in the fantasy rankings" furthered his cause this week by belting 2 HR's, scoring 5 runs, and snagging an ever-valuable SB for The Babes. For that, he and Cindy win this week's award. And just so you know, before entering the major leagues Carl was offered Division I scholarships to play football (quarterback at Nebraska) and basketball (point guard at UCLA), demonstrating how he too is better than you at a lot of things.

In the overall competition, the Babes are also demonstrating their multi-faceted superiority. Thanks to horrid outings by Edwin Jackson (8.2IP, 8ER) and CJ Wilson (1IP, 2ER), the Abes have relinquished the ERA category and now trail 7 categories to 1. It's still early, but they better get something going soon.

Here's the cumulative scoreboard after Week 2:

The Abes The Babes
Avg 0.218 0.262
Runs 41 34
HRs 5 8
RBIs 32 36
SBs 4 7
ERA 5.31 4.59
Wins 1 5
Saves 0 0
Ks 25 55
Total 1 7


Delino DeShields, Sr said...

I think Crawford's "Fair Game" of base running from last week should hurt his rating. He tried to stretch a double to a triple, with someone already on third base! Then the guy on third got tagged out running to home... and instead of just staying on third and living with one mistake, Crawford got nailed trying to trot back to second. Literally, the funniest double play EVER!!!

Orel said...

A funnier baserunning double play than....Oh, never mind.

Orel said...

Oh, and GO BABES!