After the Dodger got its (base)balls handed to them by Shrek and the first week of Spider-Man, the Delino has opted for this weekened to be a special handicapped match. Not that the Cubs pitchers pose that much of a threat. Carlos Zambrano is two un-quality starts from becoming that rare commodity in baseball - an overpaid pitcher. Though he showed some signs of life last week, let's hope the chunky hurler keeps the Dodgers bats busy. Rich Hill is some young pitcher who nobody except his mother knows about, so I'll assume the Dodgers will put up zeros against him. Then there's Ted Lilly, who provided the only recorded fight in all of Canada last season. He's been amazing this season, as if he doesn't know he's a .500 lifetime hurler. One or two swings of the bat, and the Dodgers can easily remind him.
No, the reason for breaking out the Tee's this weekend is answered in two words. Jack Sparrow!
Pirates 3 is opening, and by Tuesday, expect god to ask the producers for a loan. Given, the film has gotten panned. But that did not stop Shrek or Spider-Man for making money web over fist. So for the only time this summer, I (the Delino) will throw many an asterisk into the Boffo standings and compare the Dodgers weekend run tally to the most profitable single day for Pirates 3. That still poses a challenge for both sides. Prediction: On one sea leg, Pirates still takes the box office booty.
Sidebar: I was at the video store, trying to rent Pirates 2, when I mistakenly took home the considerably pornier "Pirates" (pictured above). It took me three lesbian scenes to realize I had rented the wrong film. Not unlike when back in the 1990s, I had a small party and my friend brought over Fatal Instinct (the Basic Instinct parody, we thought). Three full watchings later, we returned it for a refund.