Thursday, February 04, 2010

Steve Garvey, Master Thespian

Get ready to have your mind explode with shock and awe.

* Please note - This man's head exploded seconds after this picture. But it's too gnarly for SoSG.

When Steve Sax first approached me to write for America's favorite Dodgers blog, one thought came to mind: MUST...FIND...MASQUERADE. Having grown up on the other coast, my opinion of the Dodgers was formed as much by their cameos in junky 80s TV shows as their work on the baseball field. And no appearance stuck more with me than our beloved father's performance on the short-lived Masquerade.

Never heard of it? As Michael Jackson once said, "you are not alone." According to the show's other fan...

The tongue-in-cheek series starred Rod Taylor as Mr. Lavender, the leader of "Operation Masquerade", a top-secret branch of American Intelligence that conducts missions using ordinary civilians, recruited for their anonymity and their specialized skills. The show aired for 12 episodes in 1983.

In other words, it's what passed for hour-long drama before Steven Bochco and JJ Abrams got their hands on the format. Back in Delaware, little-nine-year old Delino DeShields watched every episode of this (and Automan), hoping beyond hope that my accountant Mom would one day get her call from Mr. Lavender.

In the thrilling episode "Girls for Sale," our Dad, baseball legend Steve Garvey, is recruited for one purpose only. To whoop Ninja ass.

But there's so much more to his portrayal of "Steve Garvey." He's a humanitarian only looking to do good deeds ("mitzvahs").

He's the voice of reason in a world under constant threat of ninja domination.

He's an excellent driver.

He's always up for a party.

HE'S STEVE F-ING GARVEY, OUR DAD! Let's see you try to stop a ninja star, sucka!

After watching this, I can't help wonder if our Dad could have been the next Arnie, Sly, Vin Diesel or, even better, The Rock.

PS - A special shout-out to the guy on Ebay who sold me the entire Masquerade series for five bucks.

16 comments:

Delino DeShields said...

What moves faster - ninja stars or a Fernando Valenzuela heater?

Fred's Brim said...

in 83? i would say the heater

Gagne's lucky glasses said...

Has anyone else seen this?
http://tinyurl.com/yzxxysp

Fred's Brim said...

these are neenja...

is that Capt. Ed Hocken sitting next to Poppa Steve?

Delino DeShields said...

From my friend Rich (aka my brother-in-arms for all little known 80s junk/gold)

"Without Masquerade there would be no Alias (among other shows)"

Delino DeShields said...

@GLG - I've got to score an interview with him! Dude looks like the villain in Last Action Hero.

Neeebs said...

I especially like the trick photograpy, where Garvey throws a baseball like a laser right onto the bad guys' head.

We all know The Garv couldn't throw for Sh*t.

rbnlaw said...

My thoughts exactly, Neeebs.

Mr. LA Sports Fan said...

This show looks worse than...well, any sitcom FOX ever turned out.

Delino DeShields said...

I wouldn't call the baseball throw trick photography. That ball looked like it went 3 mph. My theory: the ninja had other head problems that just happened to manifest at the moment of impact.

Dusty Baker said...

Fellas- reporting in from Dusty Headquarters (e.g., my sofa in Pasadena)...finally snagged an iFizzle a couple of days ago, and I wanted to breathlessly report - like a Sun sports article on an England football captain - that there is an app called Dodger Finder. What does this little 99 cent gem do? All it does is use the 3GS' GPS to orient toward Chavez Ravine, so that whereever I am, I can always whip it out and know where Dodger Stadium is. This will help on business trips when it's time to pray to mecca, and it also may help for those games when I've done a little too much tail-gating on the patio before the game.

I'd also like to point out that the sole reason I purchased this device is so that it will be easier to type out comments in the SoSG GTs while I'm at the game. I hope you're happy, guys, and that you have some sort of deal going with Apple.

Delino DeShields said...

All right Dusty - the game is afoot. I'm not telling you who I am, but my last name is Jobs.

(Half truth)

I got me some Droid action (damn you Verizon). So expect more nonsensical ramblings when I'm at the game. My old Palm Centro would just go to SoSG and promptly crash. And yet every time, I tried to

Dusty Baker said...

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE FROM THE DUSTY HEADQUARTERS DESK

Snoop Dogg has an app for the iPhone called the iFizzle. It does NOTHING - absolutely nothing - but play samples of some of his favorite quotations.

So I bought it.

Westside! *W*

Fewer and fewer reasons to leave the house these days.

KempKershaw said...

Brian Giles Brian Giles!

Keep the girlfriend away.

Josh S. said...

I hope Giles stays in ABQ. If I have to look at his stupid hair all season...

Dusty Baker said...

@RB-

Seems that Blue is the colour this fine day.