Hiroki Kuroda (5-7, 3.98) vs. Kevin Correia (1-5, 5.71).
COMMENTS: While the Dodgers were sweeping the Nationals to move back to .500 for the first time since May, the Giants were playing like Lassie up north against the Diamondbacks, politely obliging the Snakes by rolling over and playing dead, allowing Arizona a sweep of its own (the Giants wouldn't want to be rude hosts, would they?). The Dodgers remain one game back of first-place Arizona. So you know what this means, right? We've all seen this movie before:
- Lassie becomes Cujo and the archaic Giants open an inexplicable can of fountain of youth whup-ass;
- Joe Torre benches Andre Ethier for Andruw Jones just because Ethier's hair is out of place;
- Mark Sweeney starts in leadoff;
- The mercurial Kuroda follows up his last two shaky starts with another two-innings-and-out performance;
- Nomar gets a hangnail and has to sit after the third inning;
- Chan Ho Park serves up BP on the mound in the sixth;
- Frank McCourt on a whim raises parking rates to $20 for a "rivalry" game, exacerbated further when the Dodgers Shuttle breaks down on Figueroa;
- Levy runs out of Dodger Dogs by the fifth inning;
- Rick Monday scares the hell out of the pre-game show paratroopers by stealing their flag parachutes soon after they land;
- the hat shuffle selects the missing "hat #4" just for the hell of it, leading to rampant rioting in the left field pavilion;
- Nancy Bea Hefley's organ keys get stuck on a dissonant chord after her coke spills on the keyboard, and attempts to drown out the sound with the ever-present Tag Team "Whoomp, There It Is!" short the sound system;
- Vin Scully finally says, "That's it, I can't take these stupid lineups any more" and walks out of his own press booth mid-inning.
Wait, maybe I haven't seen that exact movie before; perhaps I'm mistaken. On the bright side, at least we aren't seeing Tim Lincecum this series. Maybe this will all turn out okay.