Monday, April 02, 2007

The 2007 "Abes vs Babes Baseball Challenge" Has Begun

What is the 2007 Abes vs Babes Baseball Challenge?
It’s a season-long face-off between the hottest women on Earth and the Presidents of the United States. That’s right, it’s finally happening. The hottest females in existence, as determined by Maxim’s Hot 100 throw down against all 43 former and current US Presidents in an epic battle for baseball dominance.

What?
Here's how it works: every MLB player with a surname that matches one of Maxim’s Hot 100 is on “The Babes”. Every player who shares a surname with one of our beloved US Presidents is on “The Abes”. So for example, the Cardinals' Adam Kennedy is on “The Abes” thanks to JFK being our 35th President; likewise, the Braves' Matt Diaz is on "The Babes" thanks to Cameron Diaz placing #7 on the Maxim list. Over the course of the 2007 season, players accumulate stats for their respective team to determine once and for all which is the most powerful force on Earth – political heavies or hot chicks.

How do you determine a winner?
Stats are tracked in 5 hitting categories and 4 pitching categories (HRs, Runs, RBIs, Stolen Bases, & Batting Average; and ERA, Strikeouts, Wins, & Saves). At the end of the season, whichever team wins the majority of the 9 categories is declared the champion.

Wait - there are 100 Maxim Girls and only 43 Presidents. Will it even be close?
Yes. While the Commanders-in-Chief may be outnumbered by the Maxim Girls by more than 2-to-1 (not unlike some dreams I've had), some in their ranks are huge. Andrew Johnson and Andrew Jackson alone account for over a dozen MLB players, including Nick Johnson and the Big Unit. In contrast, a lot of the 100 Maxim girls are dead weight (yes Shakira, you’re smokin’ hot, but a surname would help in this game). Unlike the Presidents however, the Babes have desirables such as Penelope Cruz and Roselyn Sanchez who tap the potent Latino contingent.

Still not convinced it will be close? Check this out - if these teams had played last year, The Abes would have barely edged out The Babes, 5 categories to 4:

HRs – Abes 161; Babes 104
Runs – Abes 801; Babes 581
RBIs – Abes 695; Babes 525
SBs – Abes 68; Babes 101
Avg – Abes .265; Babes .279
Wins – Abes 57; Babes 56
Ks – Abes 726; Babes 805
Saves – Abes 3; Babes 1
ERA – Abes 4.83; Babes 4.41

If the Babes’ pitchers had managed a single additional Win, the competition would have ended tied. Al Gore feels their pain.

So who's going to track all this?
Since you might have a life, we'll take care of it. Updated scores will be posted on SoSG throughout the season.

Do I need to do anything?
Nope - just sit back, check SoSG for periodic updates, and try not to forget that the real MLB season is taking place at the same time.

8 comments:

Steve Sax said...

Mr. Karros, I had no idea that you were this nuts. Will you publish the full list of babes and abes?

Orel said...

THIS IS AWESOME

Steve Sax said...

And when you publish the list, please include phone numbers.

For both columns.

Eric Karros said...

Alas, the rosters of the respective teams are determined only as MLB players take at-bats/pitch innings, so for now I have little info. But watch for updates which will include developing data on each teams' rosters.

I can say though that last year's MVP's would have been: Andrew Johnson hands down for The Abes. His top three spawn alone (Randy, Josh, and Nick) collectively rung up 29 Wins and 23 HR’s last year. For the Maxim team, I'd say Evangeline Lilly (a.k.a Ted) who contributed 15 Wins in 2006.

But if you're just hoping to score Jimmy Carter's phone number, you're on your own.

cigarcow said...

This should be more interesting than the Dodgers' season.

Orel said...

Pam Anderson vs Marlon Anderson: You choose!

Steve Sax said...

EK, I'm taking the Babes. GO BABES!

Rob said...

I'm wondering if the entire roster of the Rangers counts as Abes, what with Ron Washington managing.