Thursday, April 12, 2007

They Also Think James Loney Is Hot, But in a Different Way

Via Deadspin I found Kissing Suzy Kolber, through which I discovered Ladies..., whose mission statement reads:

Sport in America has been the province of men for generations.There’s no shortage of strong, capable women bucking that trend, however, so we’re out to conquer a side market: leering.

Yes, we’re playing the field (literally), and we don’t kiss nice. We are the Ladies…with one eye on the scoreboard, and the other on your sweet ass.

And at which Dodger did the Ladies choose to leer? James Loney.

James wants to introduce himself to everyone- and offers this baseball (and his hot, hot body, deliciously clad in a sexy baseball 3/4 shirt) as a greeting. With those beautiful eyes and that broad chest, we don’t care what he wears- though we’re always open to towel shots. But James is doing more than burning up the screen with his hotness, he’s been burning up the plate with his bat, hitting .455 in spring training for the Dodgers. Even with that crazy action, he’ll still start the season in AAA (he got optioned down last Tuesday)- but don’t be surprised if James and his hot, hot body are called up soon. And batting skills are not all he’s got- James was hurling a 92 mph fast ball in high school, but the Dodgers have moved him into a full-time infield role. Did I mention he’s a Texan? Automatic bonus points! Welcome to the roster, James, it is our pleasure to have you.
The Ladies have inexplicably placed Loney at second base on their roster, but I'm sure James wouldn't mind. We just hope he graduates from "Hottie Prospect" to "Hottie Regular Position Player" in the near future.


Rob said...

There's only one answer: the "women" who wrote this column are in fact gay men, just as the protagonists of Sex and the City are really all gay men cast as women.

Orel said...

Please. Nobody misrepresents themselves on the internet.

Orel said...

Although that would explain Sarah Jessica Parker's Adam's apple.