Zack Greinke (4-2, 3.79) vs. Herman Q. Pettibone IV, Esq. (3-3, 4.14).
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I am Herman Q. Pettibone IV of Pettibone Estates. It comes to my attention that my great-grandnephew, one Jonathan H. Pettibone, will be pitching the base ball today on behalf of the city of Philadelphia. Of course, in my day the association was known as the Philadelphia Athletics; a bevy of scoundrels, they.
"And if you thought 'Phillies' was redundant and somewhat vulgar, look at the opposing association: the 'Dodgers,' apparently named after the riff-raff which used to slink and skulk out of the way of Brooklyn's trolleys. How, if you'll pardon the play on words, pedestrian.
"Well, here's wishing for a gentlemanly contest between both base ball associations. May the snootiest team prevail!"