10 AM: Dan Haren (3-0, 2.03) vs. Mike Pelfrey (0-2, 7.32).
4 PM: Red Patterson? (0-0, -.--) vs. Kris Johnson (0-2, 6.10).
OK, I know Red has the flu and might not pitch today. But how often do we get a pitcher named Red? Cut the chatter, Red Two!
How bad is the Twins' pitching? They have the second-worst team ERA (5.04) in the majors, ahead of only the Diamondbacks' 5.26. (Oh, how we miss the D'bags.) The Dodger bats got healthy at Target Field yesterday, and there's no reason why they can't continue to tee off of Pelfrey and Johnson.
As for the doubleheader, well, these things are a rarity nowadays, so you might as well call in sick and stay in front of the TV today. What's that, you don't have Time-Warner? Neither do I. Get clear, Wedge, you can't do any more good back there!