Clayton Kershaw (6-3, 2.62) vs. Johnny Cueto (2-2, 2.20).
The Dodgers have passed the Crossroads of .500 ball, and their nosedive to the basement of the NL West continues apace. Yet I Feel Free saying today's matchup feels like a Strange Brew of a meaningless game and a Tale of Brave Ulysses for Kershaw. After all, to wear the Badge of an ace, one is supposed to stop losing streaks, and Kershaw will be facing a Spoonful of sluggers like the red-hot Joey Votto and Jay Bruce Almighty (who are, incidentally, helping power Team Sizzlean (see sidebar)). Will the Dodgers run into a double steal Born Under a Bad Sign (sending Dodger fans to a padded White Room), or will they win under the Cincinnati Sunshine of Your Love? Toad.