Monday, June 20, 2011

Game 74 Thread: June 20 vs. Tigers, 7p

Clayton Kershaw (6-3, 3.28) vs. Brad Penny (5-5, 4.93).

Jabba the Hutt is a suitable metaphor for Penny, reflecting not only Penny's large girth but also his despicable behavior following his departure from the Dodgers, clearing out his locker early following an injury-plagued 2008 season (his last with the Dodgers), and firebombing relations with then-Dodgers coach Larry Bowa.

Penny came back in 2009 as a Giant and beat Chad Billingsley up in SF, but got hammered the following week in LA, lasting only 2.2 IP and giving up three HR..

Since then, Penny rolled on and off the DL (literally) for the Cardinals in 2010 (we missed seeing him that year, as a result), as well as got engaged to a Ukrainian ballroom dancer who posed for Playboy (May 2011), has two lateral chins, and a last name like a cheap vodka. And now Penny's a Tiger, with one win in his last five starts, making a rare interleague appearance against the Dodgers. (Accuscore has us as a 61% likely winner tonight.)

Hey look, it's Jackoff/Smirnoff! America! What a country!

But no, I'm not obsessing about seeing this guy again, salivating over the opportunity to get back at Penny in spades. Really, I should be more respectful of our two-time All-Star's return to Chavez Ravine, welcoming him with open arms and warm wishes. Looking forward to seeing you tonight, Brad!

106 comments:

Fred's Brim said...

D sandwich, extra sauce

Mr. Customer said...

I would have let it go if he could have kept his fat yap shut (incoming or outgoing)

Paul said...

Good news is if he shuts the Dodgers down he is just like every other pitcher!! Ha ha joke is on you Braaad.

Josh S. said...

Mrs. S was BAFFLED by the list of women attached to Penny at one time or another.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

He's got the kavorka.

Neeebs said...

@Josh:

Let her be baffled. It gives us meat and potato guys hope. (Oh, a $5+ million salary also helps.)

Steve Sax said...

I just got a David Ortiz badge (badge #140). I am not sure whether I should feel happy or sad.

Spank said...

No KCAL,Vinny!

karen said...

Pulling up a chair, Vinny!

Mr. Customer said...

Rummaging in the liquor cabinet, Vinny!

Paul said...

Well Penny does have a great personality.

Mr. Customer said...

What the hell is with Uribe in the two-spot already?

Neeebs said...

I have a great personality and I can say I love you in Russian.

karen said...

Everytime I see Marcus Thames in the line-up it makes me feel a little hopeless.

Prove me wrong, Marcus!

karen said...

Brad's head looks like it met the wrong end of a wood chipper.

Mr. Customer said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr. Customer said...

God bless you, schadenfreude.

karen said...

Urine goes deep!!

Screw you, Brad!

Neeebs said...

Found our 2 hitter.

Josh S. said...

Mattingly is a genius!!!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Urine!

Paul said...

I can say I want Taco Bell in spanish.

Neeebs said...

I can say take off your clothes, Brad Penny, in Spanish.

Spank said...

I <3 Urine!

Paul said...

@Neeebs

I will have horrible night terrors now.

Josh S. said...

KKKKershaw

Josh S. said...

I'm tellin' ya, Kid K's charity is gonna be rolling in it.

karen said...

@Neeebs--Now I've got bad, bad visions dancing in my head

Neeebs said...

@Paul: You've had night terrors ever since Flaming Menudos' Quit Clowning Around was banned in Mongolia.

Neeebs said...

@Karen: Just think of Penny and Urine mud wrestling. That'll cure those demons.

karen said...

@Neeebs--Yikes!

Mr. Customer said...

Which, coincidentally is exactly what got the Flaming Menudos banned in Mongolia. I told you guys not to put that in the video.

Neeebs said...

But we covered up the superfluous body hair as per Mongolian custom.

Spank said...

I thought the Flaming Menudos got banned in Mongolia for the mishandling of their beef on stage. Mongolian beef that is.

Mr. Customer said...

That is satisfactory.

Paul said...

The mud ruined my sequenced cape. Good thing I had hundreds more.


Atta boy Dinner!

karen said...

Damn Dinner! Nice throw.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

The meat are inheriting the Dodgers.

Neeebs said...

@Spanks: That was our first ban, not the second. Paul insisted that we go back because he was dating a Mongel princess at the time.

Paul said...

I am stuck with watching the Detroit channel. Not Vinny but always enjoy it.

Paul said...

Koekcin!!! She never accepted my affiliation with the Korean National Assembly.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

So I see we'll be getting Albert Pujols on the cheap this offseason?

(cries)

Paul said...

We could probably afford to resign Furcal.

Paul said...

Two on for Dinner.

Paul said...

Ducks on the pond.

Spank said...

When was the last time Dre got a hit?

Spank said...

Two on for Matty. Do it!

Mr. Customer said...

Other than the first inning?

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Dammit, we still suck.

Josh S. said...

Kemp is a bum!
Vote Uribe!

Spank said...

Oh Shit. My bad,Mr.C. I was not around for that.

Spank said...

Gordon
Urine
Ethier
Kemp
1B
Thames
Dinner
Ackbar
Kershaw


I feel much better now.

karen said...

Darn. I was hoping Penny was out of the game.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Good thing Penny hasn't had to leave.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Are you fucking kidding me? You're bunting with a man on second and one out? What the fucking fuck?

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T FUCKING BUNT

Spank said...

Dinner is hot and ready to eat.

Steve Sax said...

Holy shit, run Loney from second with Dioner at the plate and a 1-2 count? That was unexpected!

2-0 LA

Steve Sax said...

@Mr LA SC 8:07p: dammit, you stole my post idea for tomorrow. Nice.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

@Sax - That's what I'm here for.

BTW, if you have widescreen, you can see Larry King behind the backstop on the third base side.

Mr. Customer said...

The kid is dealing.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

This GBA was better in theory.

Orel said...

I liked it! Nice and simple.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

It sounded like Bob Dylan in a wind tunnel.

karen said...

That felt like a Willie Nelson concert.

Orel said...

A rabbit is loose!

Paul said...

Rabbit soup.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Clayton Kershaw is good at baseball.

Paul said...

We don't let them score we have a chance at winning. Problem solved.

Spank said...

@ Mattingly

Don't bring in the relief pitchers,Fucker!

Josh S. said...

Ugh. Stop bunting!

Josh S. said...

See, you don't have to bunt now.

Steve Sax said...

Wow, a gift!

Steve Sax said...

Condolences to Tim Wallach's family on the passing of his father...on Fathers Day no less

Josh S. said...

Uh, same as the bunt, I guess.

Steve Sax said...

Yay Gwynn

K

(oh man we aren't going to score here, are we? Man that would suck.)

Steve Sax said...

Dioner IBB

Wonders never cease

Steve Sax said...

Detroit, you just intentionally walked Dioner Fucking Navarro, a sub-.200 hitter, to get to MSB, batting over .300.

I mean, I know this loads the bases, but...MAKE THEM PAY, MSB!

Spank said...

Come on Ackbar! Position all firepower towards the starship destroyer.

Steve Sax said...

Carroll just got schooled by Benoit's balls

Mr. Customer said...

Oh fer fuck's sake

Steve Sax said...

It's definitely a trap.

Steve Sax said...

A Kershaw HR would be awesome beyond belief right here

Steve Sax said...

A Kershaw K would suck the big one, however

Spank said...

I'd dry hump my dad if Kershaw hits a grand slam.

Steve Sax said...

2-2 count to Minotaur

This will not end well

Steve Sax said...

Color me surprised!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

He can hit too!

Steve Sax said...

Kershaw for President!

karen said...

What a stud you are, Clayton.

Josh S. said...

Two run dribbler!!!

Steve Sax said...

K
E
R
S
H
A
W
!
!
!

Spank said...

KID!

karina said...

epale everyone!

if you adore Kershaw, raise your hands

*raises both hands and legs*

karen said...

Epale, Sistuh!

Neeebs said...

My arms are tired.

Neeebs said...

Kershaw the stud.

Spank said...

KID K!!!

Dodgers win two in a row!

What is this watery substance coming out of my eyes?

karina said...

hello sistah!

WE MAKE PARTY!

Josh S. said...

Hot Tiger fan alert.

karina said...

100!

Josh S. said...

Damn you KCAL and your lack of a post-game show.

Orel said...

PGTUP!

Orel said...

Tried to screencap the hot Tiger fan, but my DVR started recording "Nurse Jackie." Sorry, guys!

Mr. Customer said...

We avoid the bullpen and subsequently make party!

Steve Sax said...

Mr C, there is a causal relationship in there, methinks.