Jon Garland (1-3, 3.55) vs. Mark Buehrle (3-3, 4.07).
As if the pressure of going against a guy who has a no-hitter AND a perfect game wasn't enough, Garland also has to deal with the pressure of pitching in the last game before the apocalypse. In fact, given this news, I'm guessing the whole Dodgers clubhouse is a mess: Matt Kemp is begging Rihanna to come back, Juan Uribe is eating like there's no tomorrow, and Vicente Padilla is rocking back and forth in the corner while sweating to death.
Actually, that may not be all that out of the ordinary. But a Dodgers win sure would be! (And, I might add, it would be a great way to go into the next eternal life.)
photo: Steve Sax for SoSG
(In the scenario where the apocalypse actually does not occur, PCS Season IV will pick up on May 26. If the apocalypse does happen, however, Loney Fan you are indeed the winner, and we'll just have to figure out to which circle you'd like your prize sent.)
72 comments:
Carroll 6
Castro 4
Ethier DH
Kemp 8
Barajas 2
Sands 7
Loney 3
Gibbons 9
Mitchell 5
I'll be smoking a cigar with a double whiskey on the American river when it is time.
Good luck friends.
If I don't make it to heaven look for me at a Giants bar where the Dodgers lose every night. AKA. Hell.
No Urine no cry
(cries)
Now that the Playstation Network is back up, Jerry Sands has finally been added to my roster in The Show. Too bad he's just a generic create-a-player looking dude, though.
I guess he looks like that in real life too.
I always thought Sands looked like a young Thome.
He's pretty white bread, though, gotta admit that.
Hey, can we start calling Sands "white bread"? Damned near everyone else has got a nickname on the roster, shame to leave him out. Unless he's already got one that I missed.
White Bread is a good one, PPR. Let's go with it.
He looks like Doogie Howser
Juan Uribe (lower abdominal strain) will undergo an MRI this morning.
On the sofa, Steve and Eric!
(cries)
Happy birthday, Dusty!
Cheers, Orel!
Per Tony Jackson:
"Sox lineup change. Carlos Quentin scratched. Move 6-7-8 guys up one spot, insert Brent Lillibridge in 8 hole playing RF"
It's a beautiful day for a Rapture
Or even a cataclysm or two
It is one gorgeous day, indeed. Sure wish we had Vinny to provide the soundtrack. I'd be one crackly AM radio listening on the patio mofo.
Juan Castro singles?
It really is the apocalypse!
Heh. Insert in the 8-hole.
Happy Birthday, Dusty Baker!
Kemp: In play, no out
Fuck you, Alex Rios.
Fuck you, Aaron Miles.
That's the Juan Pierre I know and loathe.
One out double in the first, off of Garland.
Dusty, I hope you're already drinking.
Game over.
(looks around carefully) no sign of karina...
(expresses lack of optimism)
konerko. hmm, that names sounds familiar. konerko....
we are hopeless in chicago
Wow, Omar Vizquel is still playing? Amazing.
Wow, Juan Castro is still playing? Amazing.
Still hate you Loney, but that's a good play.
No one covering first. Castro beats it out. How does this guy keep getting on base? He can't hit the ball four feet.
Moral of the story: only hit the ball four feet.
Is this Tribute to Juan Pierre Day or something? Weak popup after weak popup.
Rancho suckiendo!
Slappy McPopup Day!
Mother effer! Down 5-1 now. WSJ may need to re-visit their analysis and put us in another, worse column.
Rancho still ardiendo. And here comes Konerko to remind us that he's not a Dodger.
Great news! Tron entering the ga....
(cries Cries CRIES)
Two more runs in. 7-1 ChiSox.
Can the world just end already?
I should have played "P O P U P" in the lottery today.
Score tied 1-1. Leave computer. Come back, Dodgers losing 7-1. Completely unsurprised.
I wonder if Buehrle can throw at Lyons in the media booth?
DAMMIT, Orel, I was wanting to claim 45. (cries)
Holy shit, I go grab in n out and now it's 7-1? Fuck.
Double-double up in dis bish, Sax?
Double-double also describes part of the last innings offensive onslaught by ChiSox.
If the Dodgers come back from six down it will indeed be the apocalypse
I'm so mad I want to just punch SoSG Lasorda in the nads, repeatedly. Dusty angry!
But you did get #45, Dusty!
@Orel
Yeah, but it was with a regular post (filled with masterful insight, of course) and not a claim of the number. So it doesn't count, right?
54
White Bread goes Yard!
Sands!
White bread strikes!
James Loney badge (double) acquired!
(cries)
I got a Loney badge
For an XBH no less
It's the apocalypse
Here's a debate: Would we rather have Loney or Adam Dunn (.191, 4 HR, 20 RBI)?
@Dusty 10:46a: Urine gets a lower abdominal strain each time he takes a dump
White Bread needs to be in the lineup every day. I hereby declare it. Great defense and athleticism. Disciplined plate appearances. Ability to hit for power. Let's let this kid age before our eyes.
@Dusty 12:39p: double double, animal style!
@Dusty 1:01p: With Blake, Furcal, Barajas, even Uribe--we're seeing a lot of age before our eyes.
You're going to have a lower abdominal strain soon, too, Saxy!
At our rate of single-run innings, we should tie the score by the 15th inning (so long as ChiSox don't score again)
Dusty, that double double had so much grease on it, I'm sure there will be no problem sliding through the intestinal tract
Are we in the spirit world yet?
About to go grill some fajitas and corn at the in-laws. We'll see how that turns out, intestinally speaking.
We are spirits in the material world. Paul.
Catch yall from RBN-land!
Cornholier on in relief. Watch him be fucking perfect from here out.
Fucker can't even mop up.
GO THE FUCK AWAY.
I'd trade Cormier and $4 for a bucket of warm monkey spunk. Straight up.
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