Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Announcing SoSG Fest 2012!

Hey, kids! It's that time of year again. The baseball season is rounding into its final stage. The Cubs suck. The kids are shopping for new backpacks for school. Americans are dutifully ignoring the campaign for the presidency. And loyal Sons readers are building up a powerful thirst that can only be quenched by the might of a SoSG Fest. We have alerted the authorities and cleared this year's event with the Department of Homeland Security, the Screen Actors Guild, AARP, and NAMBLA. Ambulances and beer distributors will be standing by in case of emergency.

Sons having breakfast the day of SoSG Fest I

'Tis true. We are opening up SoSG Fest 2012 on the afternoon of September 8, 2012, at a secret location in the Los Angeles area. You know the drill - and this should come easy for most of you: Show up at a bar, eat and drink, watch the Dodger game, and snark. Wit preferred, but not required. hateHateHATE is mandatory. We'll provide a healthy dose of food and grog. You may even walk away with a lovely parting gift. Or syphilis.

Sons both old and new remain truly thankful for our loyal readers, and this is but a small way to show our appreciation. But don't trust me (really, don't). Hear from past participants who can attest to what wholly enriching experiences the first two SoSG Fests have been:

"Back when I was just a tadpole in the pond that is Sons of Steve Garvey, I had the opportunity to attend the very first SoSGFest. The experience left such a strong impression on me that I still remembered it quite clearly when I woke up the next morning, hung over on the bathroom floor.

I must admit, I was a bit starstruck to be associating with the Original Flavor Sons, but they're all a bunch of sorry bastards who'd leave you for dead on the side of the road [editor's note:] great guys, I swear! I mean, there was barely ANY hazing. Once the booze started flowing, it seemed like one big, happy, alcoholic family." -SoSG Stubbs

SoSG Stubbs Arrives at SoSG Fest II

"Before SoSG Fest II, I thought I had no purpose in life. After going, I became sure of it. That's the beauty of it." -SoSG Nomo

"What's the WiFi password?" - SoSG Dusty

"(cries)" - SoSG Orel

"Where'd my beer go? I just had one right here on the table." - SoSG DeLino
SoSG Alex Cora, SoSG Fest I. Also pictured: some guy in orange pants.

"Ok, bar's closed and it's time to go, you bag of assholes!" - SoSG Sax

We are somewhat limited on space for this event, so we ask that if you are available on September 8, 2012, and interested in attending, please send an email to our main address, and include your SoSG screen name with a brief paragraph on what you think you can contribute to SoSG Fest 2012. First priority will again be given to readers who frequently comment and take part in the SoSG diaspora. That said, booze, cigars, and/or cash bribes will open any door. When the lineup card is set, we'll send emails to invitees with instructions on the event location and time.

Look forward to seeing some faces* both old and new at the event!

Not appearing at SoSG Fest III

Sausage image: http://www.marktartisandeli.com/

*Faces, I said, Orel. Not bare rear ends.


Steve Sax said...

I need to get my liver in championship form!


Dusty Baker said...

You've been in mid-season form all season, Sax!

spank said...

I'll be the one strewn about curbside getting pissed on by the local mutts.

Franklin Stubbs said...

*assumes the position*

Dusty Baker said...


Well, ok. But you should consider coming up for this event.

karina said...


Franklin Stubbs said...

There really needs to be some sort of KarinaFest, since she's not going to be in town yet.

Dusty Baker said...

Every day is Karina Fest.

However, we'll make sure to throw her a Karina Kegger (as Nomo framed it) once she gets settled in.

karina said...

@Stubbs that's super sweet from ALL of you

@Dusty @Nomo "KarinaKegger" now i'm CURIOUS but I guess I'll have to wait to know.

@Stubbs @Dusty "KarinaFest" that is both funny and sweet *blushes*

I have no words or prayers to thank you. I'm very lucky.

Jason said...

DAMMIT! I can't make it this year. Insult to injury: I'm going to miss KarinaFest, too.

Steve Sax said...

We gotta get Jason to parachute in again.

And where is John G?

Dusty Baker said...

Jason is seems to be out.

Also, where you at, Diamond?

Alex said...

I'm hoping the homework portion of the app is a joke, if not I'm fuct.

Having said that, I can't even make it that day. Drink, smoke and fuck shit up!!!

Remember, unlike love, herpes is FOREVER

MeanieBreanie said...

I have a plane ticket I paid for and didn't use. Maybe I can head out that way. Will someone ping me with location area so I can maybe make travel arrangements and find a place to stay in close proximity. The idea of driving in LA scares the hell out of me.