Sunday, August 26, 2012

Simers Simmers As Ass Wedges In

I've always wondered why TJ Simers fails to pick on 350-pound Dodger albatross Juan Uribe in his heavily-such ticked grumpy old man columns. And now I realize that it's because of their common physical attributes. Perhaps Simers is empathetic?

In a meandering piece in today's LAT which lacks a clear point, Simers criticizes the ownership of the Dodgers that just brought us a lineup with more power than we've seen in a decade. Because despite the magic on the field in the jerseys, and the raucous crowd in the stands, Simers can't get up to cheer:

The seats are so skinny on the loge level, metal bars on each side of the seat so unforgiving, it's almost painful to be a Dodgers fan. And the seats are so close together that personal hygiene is as important at a Dodgers game as Nancy Bea.

Meanwhile, Scully is on the scoreboard telling everyone to enjoy a great Friday night at the ballpark . . . but if you notice, he has no one sitting next to him.

The game starts and Andre Ethier hits a ball deep. The skinny people are able to stand, which explains the fireworks. It's a signal to the fat people stuck in their seats that a Dodger has a hit a home run.

What is man needs is a drawing table instead of a desk. And a treadmill.


Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

I thought fat people were jolly.

JA Boyd said...

What was the point of Simer's comment that there was no one sitting next to Scully? For that matter, what was the point of his entire column? Perhaps there was one, but I lack the sophistication to understand it.

DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy said...

Well it's a good thing i'm too poor to sit there and the real journalists/celebrities are sitting on the Field level eh? I see the aisles are too narrow but i figured the seats were all the same size around the stadium.