Monday, March 17, 2008

"Douchebag" Has Jumped the Shark, You Douchebags

"Douchebag." A good insult. A relatively modern insult (although it originated in the 60's, according to the never-wrong Wikipedia). An insult that escapes the mouth with a pleasant whoosh. Also, progenitor of other equally effective insults related to vaginal irrigation: "douche," "douchenozzle," "douchebucket" (which I just made up!). Everyone knows a douchebag, but no one will admit to being one.

But "douchebag," you have lost your edge, worn out your welcome, jumped the shark (unlike those three clich├ęs I just used!). You're all over television. You've inspired popular websites (Hot Chicks with Douchebags). Best-selling novelist Stephen King is name-checking you. You have 145 definitions over at Urban Dictionary. Even though the esteemed Ken Tremendous of Fire Joe Morgan still uses you (in their comments section, anyway), you are no longer the cringe-inducing, burnworthy moniker you once were. You have become Safe For Work.

So in this age of information, where meaning can change in an Internet minute, we search for a new insult. An insult that connotes bodily functions without stooping to actual vulgarities. An insult so cool it'll befuddle your parents and enrapture Jon Stewart. An insult of our own. I don't know what this word or phrase will be, but I can promise this: After hearing it, I will use it proudly for at least two months, maybe three. Like a true douchebag would.

4 comments:

berkowit28 said...

"Colostomy bag" is too many syllables.

Felix Pardalis said...

meh. being bored with new slang is so two months ago.

Steve said...

Hmm... we need a replacement for douchebag. I'm going to go watch a Dane Cook special on Comedy Central, I'm sure I'll think of something.

Eric Karros said...

Nice post. Am I the only one reminded of former Dodger minor leaguer David " D-Bag" Bagley?