Monday, March 24, 2008

Choo-Choo-Choose a Monkey

Sometimes it seems like SI's journalists are just phoning it in. In a recent "Pop Culture Grid" column, SI asked the A's Jack Cust, the Wild's Eric Belanger, and the D-Backs' Bill Murphy what pet they'd most like to own. The unanimous answer: a monkey. Uh, duh. That's like asking "What's your favorite Right Said Fred song?" or "Which former N'Sync member gets the highest-quality tail?"

Enough with these softballs. Let's pose the question everyone is thinking but nobody has the balls to ask: Which fictional cartoon monkey kicks the most ass?

Here are the five candidates, in reverse chronological order:

Fictional Cartoon Monkey
Debut Vehicle, Year
Monkey's BFF
Sample Ass-Kicking
1. Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong video game, 1981
His son, Junior
Skillfully re-shaped public image from imperialistic villian in Donkey Kong to sympathetic victim in Donkey Kong Junior
2. Grape Ape
TV series Tom and Jerry Show, 1975
His alliterative driver, Beegle Beagle
Continues to perform acts of kindness despite battling society's pre-conceptions regarding 40-foot purple apes
3. Chim-Chim
TV series Speed Racer, 1967
Speed's little brother, Spritle
Once found a dead hooker in the trunk of Speed's car
4. Curious George
Children's book Curious George, 1941
The Man in the Yellow Hat
He's a rock star
5. Sun Wukong (a.k.a. The Monkey King)
Epic Chinese novel Journey to the West, c. 1690
The India-bound wandering monk Xuanzang
Can leap 108,000 miles, lift 15,000 lbs, transform into 72 different objects, command the wind, and is impervious to fire

Which fictional cartoon monkey* kicks the most ass?
Donkey Kong
Grape Ape
Curious George
Sun Wukong
Free polls from

*Yes, I know some technically aren't monkeys. Hey, it's a frickin' survey about cartoon character primates on an LA Dodgers blog. Get over it.


cigarcow said...

Grape Ape was on the Tom and Jerry Show? What?

Eric Karros said...

Well, it was the Tom and Jerry/Grape Ape show before Grape Ape spun off in 1977 -

Orel said...

I hear Grape Ape was the Andrew Ridgeley to Tom & Jerry's George Michael.

Steve Sax said...

EK, how you could exclude Gleek from the Wonder Twins? Zan and Jayna emailed me last night and they are PISSED OFF.

If I were you, I'd be careful around water forms (both solid and liquid).

Alex_Keeton said...

I voted for Grape Ape

Eric Karros said...

Thanks for the input Alex. And say hi to Mallory.

And Sax - in the world of shapeshifting monkeys, Gleek ain't bad but he has nothing on the Monkey King.

Delino DeShields, Sr said...

What about the monkey in MONKEY TOUBLE with Harvey Keitel?

Steve Sax said...

Well then what about Harvey Keitel's monkey in Bad Lieutenant?

Delino DeShields, Sr said...

Trust me, I stayed far away from Monkey Trouble for that very reason.

Eric Karros said...

Alas, the Selection Committee can't ever please everyone, whether it be the NCAA's or the FCMA 's (Fictional Cartoon Monkey Association).