Why We Have to Beat the Jokers Down South

And when I say "jokers," I mean "jokers."

Caught this story on Deadspin, which credited this blog for the find. I appreciated Deadspin's headline ("Tom Jackson might refer to him as a retard"), but I don't want their color commentary to outshine what is truly, truly hilarious material from the inner clubhouse circles of the San Diego Padres:

Not to be outdone (ballplayer nor writer), Tom Krasovic of the San Diego Union Tribune reported (and Buster Olney blogged about) Brian Giles unique brand of comedic hijinks:

“Hey Greg, I've got one for you,” Brian Giles said to new Padres teammate Greg Maddux last month. “Why was the mathematics book depressed?” Giles said. After the 333-game winner pondered the question for a few seconds, Giles slowly delivered the punch line. “Because it had a lot of problems inside.”

Giles laughed as if he were the second coming of Robin Williams, slapped Maddux in the left arm and walked away. Maddux, appearing perplexed, resumed answering questions from a reporter.

Giles returned a few second later, speaking slowly, like an athlete who took too many shots to the helmet. He stared into Maddux's bemused face. “Greg, here's another one. What kind of waves are the really small ones in the ocean?” Pause. “Micro waves.”

Giles giggled and walked back to his dressing stall. A trace of a grin appeared on Maddux's face. Then Maddux resumed the interview. Giles returned in about 30 seconds – naked – and said, “Greg, what kind of language does a porcupine use? “Spine language.”

Maddux belly-laughed. Giles roared and, now content, the right fielder made a triumphant return to his clubhouse stall. “I guess it's funnier when he tells the joke without wearing any clothes,” Maddux said....

“Guys do a good job of checking their egos when they walk through the doorway here,” said closer Trevor Hoffman. “A guy like Brian keeps people loose.”

Good times. No wonder Bruce Bochy couldn't wait to get the hell out of there (even to go to San Francisco, no less).