King Lear - Starring Roger Clemens

Forget the new production of Lear at the Public Theater starring Kevin Kline. (Actually, it's probably pretty good. Get tickets here) The real King Lear is Roger Clemens. Once again, the daughters vying for his affection (Goneril, Regan, and the honest Cordelia) are being portrayed by the dastardly Yankees, Astros, and not-so-hateable Red Sox. He expects these teams to bend over backwards and rope him the moon for the privilege of having an extra handful of wins.

The most annoying part is that Clemens refuses to give his answer until May... just in time for Opening Day. Like Steven Seagal, Roger Clemens is viewing himself as above the law (and hard to kill). Three years ago, I was thrilled to watch live as he was lit up for six runs against the Reds. I thought it'd be my last chance to see him pitch. Nope. Clemens now lets these teams blow millions and reshuffle their whole line up for his mid-Act II dramatic entrance. Then again, if he stayed retired, the world would have been robbed of watching the Astors screw him repeatedly with their lousy production. His 1.87 ERA and 13-8 record in 2005 simply boggles the mind. Delino's 2007 prediction - He gets paid one million per start for the Yanks, puts up a 2.5 ERA and a .500 record. Or maybe like the other Lear, he'll lose his mind and start howling at the moon.