(AP) Monks all over the Los Angeles and San Diego areas have been warned to "be on alert" following the Dodgers' recent sweep of the Arizona Diamondbacks, catapulting the team into a first-place lead of 1.5 games.
"We have reason to believe that monks, friars, and abbots may be in danger of being attacked by a random man with small hands," said LAPD Chief William Bratton. "Over the next three days, mendicants of all types need to watch out for any suspicious activity, and call the police immediately if any one of them is in danger. A vow of silence is no excuse!"
In a related press release, Disneyland announced that Friar Tuck would not be making his scheduled appearances today over at Critter Country.
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