Sunday, December 05, 2010

SosG Fantasy Football Week 12 Update (Week 13 SmackThread)

The final week! I can cut the tension with a butter knife, so long as said tension has been warmed for 15 seconds first in the microwave. Take it away, Mr. LA SF:

This is the last week before playoffs start, but that doesn't mean the football fun stops. The six teams who can't make the playoff bracket will instead join the consolation ladder. More on that after the regular season ends. But let's get caught up on last week's action.  

MLASF 92 (6-6) - Mr. Customer 87 (6-6): The reign of "My Mother the Czar" continues! I get my fourth straight win since changing names, and my faint playoff hopes remain alive. Meanwhile, Mr. C falls into a flat-footed tie with Spanky and myself for the last playoff berth, with points scored during the season being the tiebreaker. A monster 37-point outing from Peyton Hillis gave me the edge, while Josh Freeman added 12 points and Maurice-Jones Drew threw in 11. Customer had 25 points from Kyle Orton, 19 from Rashard Mendenhall, and 17 from BenJarvus Green-Ellis, but just 27 from his six other players.  

NicJ 92 (4-8) - Karina 88 (5-7): The bad luck continues for Karina, who suffers her sixth straight loss. Nic had a strong Thanksgiving to back his winning effort; Tom Brady scored 29 points and the Jets' defense added 21. Karina's 21 points from Jamaal Charles and 13 points from Kevin Boss were not enough.  

Jason 92 (4-8) - Dusty Baker 90 (9-3):​ Jason pulls the unexpected upset thanks to 12 points from the San Francisco defense in MNF, while Dusty suffers another loss to a sub-.500 team. 35 points from Dwayne Bowe, 17 points from Joe Flacco and 15 points from Garrett Hartley laid the foundation for Jason's victory. Meanwhile, 21 points from Arian Foster and 17 from Mike Tolbert went in vain for DB.  

Paul 100 (7-5) - Prof. Dittmore 96 (8-4): Frank Gore may have gone down for the season after his injury in MNF, but Paul sure did not. Gore managed five points before saying au revoir to the season, more than enough for Paul to get the win over the Professor. 23 points from Michael Vick and 24 points from the Chargers' defense made up nearly half of Team Deltalina's points. Aaron Rodgers had a strong game with 26 points, but that was not enough for P. Ditty.  

Spanky 76 (6-6) - Meaniebreanie 64 (5-7): In a battle to remain in playoff contention, Spanky emerged victorious. Mike Goodson's 19 points and Drew Brees's 16 points helped the Spankster stay alive, while MB had but two double-digit players: Brandon Lloyd (19 points) and Ben Roethlisberger (10).  

The last week of the season will see MLASF battle Dusty, Jason battle Paul, Mr. C battle Nic, Karina battle Spanky, and the Professor battle MB. It's going to be a tough week to swallow for some teams and a miraculous week for others. Find out who will cry tears of joy and tears of humiliation, only at SoSG Fantasy Football! And maybe the McCourt divorce trial.

Playoffs or bust, people!

113 comments:

Mr. Customer said...

Looking at the scenarios, it looks like Paul and I are win-and-in. If I can get to the playoffs and get Gates back in some semblance of his former glory, I can do some damage.

Steve Sax said...

I can't believe it's 8a and there's already a comment.

Dusty Baker said...

I'll take "bust."

Dusty Baker said...

You know what it is, people. That's right: it is ON.

Mr. Customer said...

Mr. Customer said...

@sax

What can I say? Nature (and by extension, Mr. C) abhors a vacuum.

Dusty Baker said...

Mrs Dusty also notes that I abhor a vacuum.

Dusty Baker said...

Why is there a tripping call in NFL? You can knock the living snot out of someone with your shoulder pads but you can't reach out a leg and trip someone to stop their progress?

Steve Sax said...

Illegal shin to shin contact, person on field crying, loss of down

Dusty Baker said...

I feel a Woo Pig Sooie comin on.

cc: P DItty, SSS

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Are you sure it's not just gas?

Mr. Customer said...

Damnation. I was 5 minutes from starting Simeon Rice. I'm an idiot.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

You think you're an idiot? I switched out Santonio for Fred Jackson.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Is it possible that the Vikings are better without Favre? Who saw that coming?

Mr. Customer said...

Wrong Rice, too. Starting Simeon would be sort of difficult.

Spanky said...

What day is this?

Dusty Baker said...

Nope. Definitely a WPS coming on.

Spanky said...

55,Karina.55!

Spanky said...

I just found a full open can of beer I never got around to drink last night. That's a shame.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT VERNON DAVIS

Dusty Baker said...

It's still drinkable today, isn't it Spanky?

By today, I mean now.

Dusty Baker said...

I just helped MDIL carry some boxes for a few minutes. Came back and BAM Vernon Davis. What did he do, discover a cure for cancer? He jsut got a shitload of points.

Spanky said...

I put it in the freezer to get cold. Should be ready in a few.I'm getting my butt kicked by the New York Charlie Brown Peanuts.

Dusty Baker said...

MLASC and I are in a mortal deathlock right now. It's a shame either has to lose. I love this, er hate this, er, love this friggin fantasy game.

Spanky said...

Brandon Jacobs can kiss my butt.

Spanky said...

Uncle,Uncle...I mean Tia,Tia!

Dusty Baker said...

MB is getting spanked today, too. Haven't checked to see how she's doing in fantasy football, though.

Spanky said...

heh

Dusty Baker said...

Every kiss does NOT begin with Kay. Often they begin with Southern Comfort mixed with Sprite in a Sonic cup.

Spanky said...

Nothing better than getting your ass spanked by a lovely lady.

(cries)Tears of joy!

Spanky said...

I may still have a chance.

(cries)

Dusty Baker said...

Bonus New Orleans coverage!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Holy shit, that actually worked.

Dusty Baker said...

COLSTON GOD DAMMIT!!!! Hell yeah.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Well that bit me in the ass.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

You're going to win the division no matter what, Dusty. Why not let me win?

Dusty Baker said...

Should I rest Peyton Manning for the last two games?

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Yes, please.

Spanky said...

L.A.RAMS UP IN DIS BISH!

Dusty Baker said...

Cowboys with an impressive drive to begin the game. Probably get at least a FG out of this.

cc: MB

Dusty Baker said...

Colts defense looks easier to score on that Neeebs' mom. Cowboys score on opening drive.

Dusty Baker said...

Manning just can't stop throwing interceptions these days. It's like he's throwing it to opposing defenses on purpose.

Dusty Baker said...

Michael Turner up in dis bish, though.

Dusty Baker said...

Manning just can't stop throwing interceptions these days. It's like he's throwing it to opposing defenses on purpose.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Jayson Werth signs a seven-year deal with Washington.

Apparently, all the money spent this offseason by the Dodgers COULDN'T have signed Werth.

Spanky said...

Looks like my roster gambles are not going to pay off. It would not have mattered anyways. Peppermint Patty is all over my ass.

Spanky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dusty Baker said...

Are u fucking kidding, Marla? WOW! Holy spit. My little step-team is all growed up now.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

18 million a season.

Dusty Baker said...

I'm still on the floor.

Spanky said...

18 million?! You're joking right?

Dusty Baker said...

I'm sure the Sons of Frank Howard are fucking freaking out right now about the Werth money and years.

And probably with some good reason. Still, ownership of Nats making statement with Strasburg, Harper, Werth, etc. signings. Fuck yeah, curly W's!*




*Hate to use an apostrophe there but really don't have a choice.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

No joke, Spanky. Seven years, $126 million.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Hah. Jeff Passan points out that Zito and Vernon Wells received the exact same contract.

Dusty Baker said...

Someone on the Twitters just asked if Werth still "looks like a hobo's crotch". ROTFL as the kids say.

Steve Sax said...

A-Gon deal in limbo, reports Jon Heyman...

Wow that's a lot of money and years to Werth. Enjoy the Nats, dude!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Behold, I am Mr. LA Sports Costanza, lord of the idiots.

Spanky said...

^likes

Dusty Baker said...

Manning just can't stop throwing interceptions these days. It's like he's throwing it to opposing defenses on purpose.

Mr. Customer said...

Where was that last week, Reggie? (not complaining, I'll fucking take it!)

Spanky said...

You know your team is weak when your D leads in points with 14.

Spanky said...

Even though Karina has no players playing at the moment it still seems like she is scoring points.

(sighs)

MeanieBreanie said...

I just tuned in to see that I am being thoroughly abused. This is now how I pictured being spanked.

MeanieBreanie said...

^not how

Spanky said...

cheeky

MeanieBreanie said...

Wild Cowboy game!

Spanky said...

Well, my Rams and I am now tied with them at 6 wins.So I got that going for me. Not much else though.

*shrugs*

Spanky said...

^WTF! Nice use of words.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

55!

Spanky said...

Manning pulled a Favre this week.

Mr. Customer said...

I guess I'll get another shot at LASL with both Spanky and MLASC losing.

Dusty Baker said...

What does the playoff picture look like? (not real, but fantasy)

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Peter Gammons says we were really close to signing Per-zin-ski.

FUCK ME.

Dusty Baker said...

Wait, am I supposed to fuck you or fuck UCLA?

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

You've already screwed me enough today.

Mr. Customer said...

@dusty

It's pretty much you versus I, and Paul versus Ditty.

Dusty Baker said...

*bends Marla over the proverbial barrel*

Dusty Baker said...

Well god damn, that's a tough playoff. Anything can happen, up to and including me being out of town and not have enough time to research who I should start, thus not giving myself a good chance at a playoff win.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

It's like Jeopardy tournaments; each round is over the course of two weeks. So whoever has the lead next weeks still has to wait another week. That way, it goes the full course of the actual regular season.

MeanieBreanie said...

Dear Marla, you can join me in getting spanked. There seems to be plenty to go around.

Josh S. said...

I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THE DODGERS GETTING GUYS WHOSE NAMES ARE AS HARD FOR ME TO SPELL AS IT IS FOR THEM TO GET A HIT.

Josh S. said...

NEVERMIND IT MAY NOT HAPPEN BUT
MY POINT STILL STANDS.

Mr. Customer said...

@Josh

Without eyechart, someone has to be the consonant receptacle.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

"WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS. NO STANFORD ALUMNI LIVE IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA. AND NOBODY CAN FLY THERE FROM NYC, SF, OR LA ON A WEEKDAY."

#MKnightSchadenfreudathon

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

TCU finally gets to play a big boy that hasn't had its dreams dastardly dashed in the final game of the season.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Oklahoma must feel like shit. They play UConn.

Spanky said...

What happened to the Accused? He's bloodier than a raw piece of meat.

Dusty Baker said...

Hawgs up in dis bish.

Steve Sax said...

Molly Knight and Miami don't mix, apparently.

Spanky said...

90!

Dusty Baker said...

Yeah, overly-educated white girl can't imagine going anywhere that's remotely out of her comfort zone.

Dusty Baker said...

DAMMIT!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Molly and Dusty Take Miami!

E! will pay a fortune for it.

Dusty Baker said...

Watching Simpsons...Homer was shown asleep on the couch with a magazine splayed across his chest. Magazine was "Modern Fart Denier."

Dusty Baker said...

Dusty takes New Orleans, in fact. Done and done. My brother already has my ticket and a swank hotel room. Just extended my xmas vacation by a week!

karina said...

Epale everybody!

I've been absent for a few days and I've got to say a few things:

Spanky, I wanted to win...I had lost 6 in a row, including Michael Vick and Roddy White in unbelievable performances back to back weeks...but I didn't want to spank you, I promise! besides, I never paid any attention to the scores because I was at the game.

Meaniebreanie, there's something wrong with me, because I clicked on your avatar and all i saw was those shoes and I didn't get it. After a couple of minutes, I did see the girl being spanked (blushes)

The more I know about Molly Knight, the less I understand (like) her. I feel like a bad person.

Good night, snarkies!

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

When you say "swank hotel room," is it a fancy room, or a room filled with copies of Swank?

Mr. Customer said...

Oh, snap! Jason with the upset, so I guess I get The Perfesser now

Dusty Baker said...

@Marla

It is both a swank room and, likely, one that will feature multiple copies of lowbrow pornography.

But enough about the Ohio State media guide.

GO HOGS!!!

Josh S. said...

Tomorrow I leave the land of burning mattresses and start working on the edge of downtown. (Same job, new locale.) Dusty, I leave Westlake under your Thunderdome-esque authority.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

GOD DAMN YOU ESPN FOR TAKING MY WIN AWAY FROM PAUL THOSE FUCKING TWO POINTS COST ME THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS FUCK YOU I'D KILL YOU IF YOU WEREN'T A FACELESS CONGLOMERATE SCREW IT I'LL DO MY BEST BY RIPPING OUT THE HEART OF COLIN COWHERD WITH MY BARE HAND I'LL FUCKING SHOVE IT UP HIS AIRTIGHT RECTUM AND WATCH IT MOVE THROUGH HIS DIGESTIVE TRACT WITH AN MRI MACHINE DAMN YOU TO HELL

Dusty Baker said...

You aren't going to be working near me any more, Josh? I'm filled with sadness. I liked knowing that somewhere just down the street you were also shirking your work responsibilities in order to follow a day game and comment in this space,likely over a Langher's pastrami.

Where you gonna be now?

Dusty Baker said...

Uh oh. Marla is in all caps. Not good.

Josh S. said...

Not that far away, really. 4th and Beaudry.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

Nic was a 44 point underdog and he still probably won't beat the spread.

Mr. LA Sports Czar said...

It's been a nice sports weekend. USC wins football, basketball, and water polo, Kings win in OT, Lakers win big, Saints win a close one.

Dusty Baker said...

Every fuckin ornament I hang on our tree, Mrs Dusty says is not placed correctly. Conversely, she keeps telling me to get off the sofa and help her. #conundrum. I just relinquished any ornament hanging duties and have pledged to continue with nightly menorah duties and bring in all the firewood we need throughout the holidays. Sheesh...North Korean prisoners have had easier negotiated releases.

Steve Sax said...

what happened to Mr LA SC and why did he lose two points due to ESPN? I'm confused.

Spanky said...

@ karina

It's okay to admit you wanted to spank me. You know you wanted to. HaHa!

(cries)

Spanky said...

I keep coming back for Meanie's avatar. Is that you? If so,I am jealous of the guy. If not,I am still jealous of the guy. Can I get it in a poster size? Do I really need another cup of coffee?

MeanieBreanie said...

Spank, I wish I could claim that was me in the avatar but alas it is not. I'm not quite so leggy.

karina said...

@Dusty Baker my mom is the same, my strategy is IGNORING she's doing that. It works.

Spanky said...

@ Meanie

re:not you in the avi

A man can always dream

*wipes tear*