SoSG Fantasy Football: Final Standings and 2010-2011 Winner Crowned!

Mr. LA Sports Czar, take it away:

The turbulent four months are over, and we have a winner in the first ever Sons of Steve Garvey Fantasy Football Challenge:

PROFESSOR STEVE DITTMORE

That's right. The Razorback scholar rode the waves of Andre Johnson, Aaron Rodgers, and Mike Wallace over the course of the season to stand alone at the top of the mountain, dispatching Paul in the championship game by a score of 185-135. And as such, to the victor go the spoils. I have the esteemed honor of presenting the Professor with his grand prize: a 2008 Topps Juan Pierre card! That is again right; he gets to relive that magical 2007 season when Pierre had a .293 batting average and .684 OPS. But wait, there's more! Because Paul gave such a great effort, he will be receiving a consolation prize of his own: a 2010 Topps Heritage Chris Getz card! Pour over the minor league numbers of the Topps 2009 All-Star Rookie, from his time in Great Falls to his days in Charlotte. I just need their mailing information [Sax's note: Professor Dittmore and Paul, please send an email to me, and I will forward on], and they will receive their riches in six to ten business days.

Final standings are as follows, from top to bottom:

• 1 Professor Dittmore
• 2 Paul
• 3 Mr. Customer
• 4 Dusty Baker
• 5 Meaniebreanie
• 6 MLASC
• 7 Jason
• 8 Karina
• 9 NicJ
• 10 Spanky

Thanks to everyone who participated. It was a lot of fun, and now that we have our feet wet, we can hopefully do it again next season. Except for Professor Dittmore. Nobody likes a sore winner.

And thank you to Mr. LA Sports Czar for serving as Commissioner (and Dusty Baker for his additions and wrapups), for everything this inaugural season. We must do this again.

In fact, in considering the prospects for the Dodgers' 2011 season, "fantasy baseball" sounds pretty apropos.

Wait, Aren't There Fantasy Football Playoffs Today?

Go, SoSGers!

SoSG Fantasy Football Thread

Are there still playoffs? I'm confused.

On the flipside, I don't want smacktalkers to be without a home.

SoSG Fantasy Football Playoffs Continue!

At least, that's what Mr LA Sports Swami tells me (I'm new to all this):

Still in first round of semis; scoring takes place over two weeks.

But we can still smacktalk our way through this weekend's games, right?

UPDATE 10:53a: thanks Dusty for re-sending this...

SoSG Fantasy Football Playoffs Update  

Week one got underway with some high-powered offense and some downright Garret Anderson-like lack thereof.  

In the Winner’s Bracket, Mr. Customer only managed 41 points in total offense, dwarfed by P Ditty’s 70. If you only get -2 from your QB, you know you’re going to have a bad day. Ditty’s own QB only managed 1 point before being knocked from the game with a concussion. He’ll have to replace Aaron Rodgers for tomorrow if he hopes to keep his distance from Mr. C. Due to injuries and the vagaries of the playoff gameplay, it’s still anybody’s game with everything on the line coming into Sunday’s and Monday’s games. ESPN fantasy wizards predictions of the scoreline show that P Ditty can be caught.  

In the other Winner’s Bracket, Dusty Baker featured a potent offense that brought him a convincing 132 points. Paul trotted out his team’s QB, Michael Vick, which will surely lead to karmic retribution for the callous dog killer (Vick, not Paul). Will the 132 – 97 scoreline be too much for Paul to overcome? ESPN fantasy wizards say it will be so, and so did the Magic Eight Ball I just consulted for this report.  

In the Sloppy Seconds Bracket, MRLASC put the sword to Karina, outscoring her 114 – 52. Karina had to invoke her safe word finally as the beatdown continued. Looks like it may be the end of the run for an otherwise Cinderella season for Karina, who came into the league knowing next to nothing about American football but acquitting herself more than adequately all season.  

Meaniebreanie and Spanky went at it……….in one of the other Sloppy Seconds Bracket games, which seems appropriate given their similar season records and their ongoing banter brimming with sexual innuendo and extraneous apostrophes. The scoreline currently shows Spanky with a three point lead, 95 - 92. This one is anybody’s game and figures to feature high drama and spanking references.  

Finally, Nic and Jason are going at it like two teenagers behind the junior high gym after a dance. Jason has a 97 – 71 lead at this point; comfortable, but never a sure thing. Trivia fans will note that each team had one of its players not score a single fantasy point. Tough time in the season with injuries piling up and teams desperate for a playoff spot stepping up their game.  

Stay tuned as we continue the quest to crown the first-ever SoSG Fantasy Football Champion and as we reach new lows in gametime smack talk.

Sorry I got to this so late, DB!

SoSG Fantasy Football: Playoffs!

I guess the way this here Fantasy Football thing works is that the playoffs start before the NFL playoffs start, which I suppose makes sense in a Bizarro-world sort of play. So here we go, to the "shazbot"-delivering Mr. LA Sports Superguy:

No, GOB Bluth is not some mystery participant. It's playoff time! After thirteen arduous weeks, dozens of waiver deals, and even a few tears, the regular season of the Sons of Steve Garvey Fantasy Football tournament has ended, and the next four men will be competing for the honor of "FANTASY CHAMPION"* for eternity.

Dusty Baker
Prof. Steve Dittmore

Mr. Customer

Paul

That's right, one of those men will be crowned champion. Dusty, who finishes first in the Eastern Division, will play Paul, the first wild card. The Professor, winner of the Western Division, will play Mr. C. Playoff rounds last two weeks; the combined score from NFL Weeks 14 and 15 will determine the victor.

For those less fortunate who could not make the playoffs, the fantasy fun doesn't end here. All six will compete in the consolation ladder**, where the same format as the playoffs will determine the final cumulative standings. I will play Karina, Spanky will play Meaniebreanie, and NicJ will play Jason.

So have fun! Enjoy the fantasies! And remember, SoSG Bowl Mania is up and running, so join now!

Notes: (*) Actual honor cannot be legally bestowed due to copyrights held by the estate of Ricardo Montalban; (**) No prize for consolation ladder winner

Wow, we're giving away no-prizes? Marvelous!

SosG Fantasy Football Week 12 Update (Week 13 SmackThread)

The final week! I can cut the tension with a butter knife, so long as said tension has been warmed for 15 seconds first in the microwave. Take it away, Mr. LA SF:

This is the last week before playoffs start, but that doesn't mean the football fun stops. The six teams who can't make the playoff bracket will instead join the consolation ladder. More on that after the regular season ends. But let's get caught up on last week's action.  

MLASF 92 (6-6) - Mr. Customer 87 (6-6): The reign of "My Mother the Czar" continues! I get my fourth straight win since changing names, and my faint playoff hopes remain alive. Meanwhile, Mr. C falls into a flat-footed tie with Spanky and myself for the last playoff berth, with points scored during the season being the tiebreaker. A monster 37-point outing from Peyton Hillis gave me the edge, while Josh Freeman added 12 points and Maurice-Jones Drew threw in 11. Customer had 25 points from Kyle Orton, 19 from Rashard Mendenhall, and 17 from BenJarvus Green-Ellis, but just 27 from his six other players.  

NicJ 92 (4-8) - Karina 88 (5-7): The bad luck continues for Karina, who suffers her sixth straight loss. Nic had a strong Thanksgiving to back his winning effort; Tom Brady scored 29 points and the Jets' defense added 21. Karina's 21 points from Jamaal Charles and 13 points from Kevin Boss were not enough.  

Jason 92 (4-8) - Dusty Baker 90 (9-3):​ Jason pulls the unexpected upset thanks to 12 points from the San Francisco defense in MNF, while Dusty suffers another loss to a sub-.500 team. 35 points from Dwayne Bowe, 17 points from Joe Flacco and 15 points from Garrett Hartley laid the foundation for Jason's victory. Meanwhile, 21 points from Arian Foster and 17 from Mike Tolbert went in vain for DB.  

Paul 100 (7-5) - Prof. Dittmore 96 (8-4): Frank Gore may have gone down for the season after his injury in MNF, but Paul sure did not. Gore managed five points before saying au revoir to the season, more than enough for Paul to get the win over the Professor. 23 points from Michael Vick and 24 points from the Chargers' defense made up nearly half of Team Deltalina's points. Aaron Rodgers had a strong game with 26 points, but that was not enough for P. Ditty.  

Spanky 76 (6-6) - Meaniebreanie 64 (5-7): In a battle to remain in playoff contention, Spanky emerged victorious. Mike Goodson's 19 points and Drew Brees's 16 points helped the Spankster stay alive, while MB had but two double-digit players: Brandon Lloyd (19 points) and Ben Roethlisberger (10).  

The last week of the season will see MLASF battle Dusty, Jason battle Paul, Mr. C battle Nic, Karina battle Spanky, and the Professor battle MB. It's going to be a tough week to swallow for some teams and a miraculous week for others. Find out who will cry tears of joy and tears of humiliation, only at SoSG Fantasy Football! And maybe the McCourt divorce trial.

Playoffs or bust, people!

SoSG Fantasy Football Week 11 Update (And Week 12 SmackThread)

Yikes, the Thanksgiving holiday is at its end and I've been so amped up on college football that I've forgotten to solicit the Week 11 wrapup! Here's the base statistics:

Week 11 Update:
Dusty Baker 118, Professor Dittmore 111 (what a game!)
Mr. LA Sports Fan 133, Nic J 77
Meanie Breanie 121, karina 78
Mr. Customer 95, Jason 83
Spanky 92, Paul 64

Standings:
East: Dusty Baker 9-2, Mr. Customer 6-5, Mr. LA Sports Fan 5-6, Jason and Nic J tied at 3-8
West: Prof. Dittmore 8-3, Paul 6-5, Meanie Breanie and karina and Spanky all tied at 5-6

Work off that Thanksgiving stuffing and smacktalk away!

Update 7:45a from Mr LA SF (thank you!):

Two weeks are left in the Sons of Steve Garvey Fantasy Football League, and ESPN has released an early bracket for the playoffs if they took place now. #1 seed Dusty would play #4 seed Paul, and #2 seed Prof. Dittmore would play Mr. Customer. The rest would play in the "consolation ladder." More on the state of the playoffs will be announced at the end of the FF season. Now, Week 11's action:  

MLASF 133 (5-6) - NicJ 77(3-8): I get my third straight blowout victory, and fourth in five days, while Nic gets his eighth loss in nine games. Fred Jackson led the way with 24 points, while Maurice Jones-Drew and the Baltimore defense each took 23 points. Peyton Hillis followed with 19. The 18 points from Ray Rice were Nic's best from a player, while Tom Brady placed second with 15.  

Dusty Baker 118 (9-2) - Prof. Dittmore 111 (8-3): The battle of the juggernauts ended on a fantasy nail biter as Dusty entered MNF down by 14. However, Mike Tolbert more than made up for the deficit thanks to 21 points, and DB prevailed. Aaron Rodgers' 30 points went for naught for the Professor, as did 19 points from LeSean McCoy.  Dusty's victory was paved by 23 point outbursts from Marques Colston and Arian Foster.  

121 (5-6) - Karina 78 (5-6): In a rematch of the Battle of the Female SoSG Contingency, Meanie exacted her revenge for her early season loss to Karina. Ben Roethlisberger hauled in 34 points for MB, and the Steeler defense added 19. Karina lost despite 24 points from Mark Sanchez and 14 from Braylon Edwards  

Mr. Customer 95 (6-5) - Jason 83 (3-8): Mr. C moves above .500 with his win, while Jason suffers a tough loss, keeping him tied with Nic for the cellar. 16 points courtesy of Reggie Wayne took the tops for Customer, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis added 15. Dwayne Bowe had 22 points for Jason, and Cedric Benson added 18 in a losing effort.  

Spanky 92 (5-6) - Paul 64 (6-5): Spanky pulls the upset and stays in the race for a playoff birth after his victory, while Paul falls into a tie with Mr. C and on the brink of losing his playoff birth. Drew Brees helped the Spankster with a 27 point outing; Mike Goodson added 15. Michael Vick pulled 19 points for Paul, but Calvin Johnson was his only other man in double-digits with 10.  

Week 12 pits MLASF against Mr. C, Nic against Karina, Dusty against Jason, Paul against P. Ditty, and Spanky against MB. With two weeks left, the two wild card spots are up for grabs. Can I beat Mr. C and force a tie with just a week left? Will Paul fall to five-hundred? Will Meanie leave Spanky in the dust, or vice versa? Does Jason pull off the stunning upset?  

Well? I'm still waiting for your answers. Ah nuts to you, I'm gonna go teepee Ronald Johnson's dorm.

SoSG Fantasy Football Week 10 Update (and Week 11 SmackThread)

I am on the lam this weekend so just in case I haven't received the final Mr. LA Sports Czar update, here's the quickie report from week 10:

Scores from last week (Week 10):
Mr LA Sports Fan 109, Meanie Breanie 58
Dusty Baker 92, Mr. Customer 70
Steve Dittmore 113, Spanky 92
Jason M 109, Nic J 72
Paul 114, karina 97

Standings to date:
East: Dusty Baker (8-2), Mr. Customer (5-5), Mr. LA Sports Fan (4-6), Jason (3-7), Nic J (3-7)
West: Steve Dittmore (8-2), Paul (6-4), karina (5-5), MeanieBreanie (4-6), Spanky (4-6)

Smack away in Week 11!

UPDATE: But wait, here's the detail:

It's hard to believe there's only three weeks left of the regular season. It seems like it was just yesterday we held the draft. Anywho, here's last week's action to get you caught up:

MLASF 109 (4-6) - Meaniebreanie 56 (4-6): I get my third resounding victory in four weeks, this time pulling even with MB and just a game out of a playoff berth. 25 points from Roddy White and 24 from Maurice Jones-Drew helped give me a strong advantage. MB received 26 points from Ben Roethlisberger while Brandon Lloyd added 21, but the rest of her team combined for just 11 points.

Dusty Baker 92 (8-2) - Mr. Customer 70 (5-5): The battle of two highly potent offenses never materialized, but that was enough for Dusty, who clinches a share of the Eastern Division crown with his eighth win. Knowshon Moreno hauled 21 points for DB, and Mario Manningham added 15. Mr. C saw 20 points from Steven Jackson and 19 from Eli Manning go in vain.

Prof. Dittmore 113 (8-2) - Spanky 92 (4-6): The Professor gets his eighth win of the season while Spanky suffers his second straight loss. Mike Wallace, formerly owned by Spanky, brought 25 points in for P. Ditty; Andre Johnson added 20 and LeSean McCoy threw in 15. Chatsworth High product Matt Cassel dropped 32 for the Spankster, who lost despite attaining his second largest score so far.

Jason (3-7) 109 - NicJ 72 (3-7): The luck stops for Nic after his upset over Dusty as he suffers his seventh loss in eight games; meanwhile, Jason pulls out of the doldrums and stays in the race for the last playoff berth. 30 points for Dwayne Bowe led the way for Team Deltalina, while Joe Flacco snagged 19 points. Nic's top scorer was Detroit QB Shaun Hill with 14 points, followed by Percy Harvin and David Akers with 12 apiece.

Paul 113 (6-4) - Karina 97 (5-5): Paul laps Karina for second place in the Western Division thanks to his last second win. Michael Vick's 49 points MNF outburst saved the proud pappa from what looked like certain defeat. Frank Gore added 20 points for Paul. Karina received 24 points from David Garrard and 18 from Jamaal Charles, but it went for naught.

Week 11 features Nic and MLASF, Dusty and Prof. Dittmore, MB and Karina, Mr. C and Jason, and Paul and Spanky. Will it be DB to suffer his third loss, or will he hand the Professor defeat? Who will win the battle of the SoSG female contingency? Will Mr. C tie Paul for the first wild card berth? Find out only at SoSG Fantasy Football! Or, if you prefer, the pirated Chinese version, Football Dreams Between Steve Garvey's Offspring.

SoSG Fantasy Football Week 9 Update (Week 10 Smack Thread)

The Thursday Ravens-Falcons game notwithstanding, I'm here to discuss results from Week 9 of the SoSG Fantasy Football League. That's right, Mr. LA Sports Czar Fan Guru Jedi Master is letting me take the reins here--which is dangerous, since I know about as much about football as Vma knows about baseball, or movies, or anything else for that matter.

But in all seriousness, I'm honored that Mr LA Sports Fan opted to play Commissioner and nine other SoSG readers are taking part. So hopefully, I don't do you all a disservice and overcome my football (especially fantasy football) naivete to recap a big Week 9.

Dusty Baker 93 (7-2) upset by Nic J 98 (3-6): In just his second loss of the season, Dusty Baker (7-2) looked to Wes Welker in his starting lineup, and Welker delivered a pathetic four points. Not that Dusty had a lot of other options; his benched player only contributed five points at the WR slot. And, so, Nic J took control of the head-to-head matchup, thanks in part to his kicker Akers who had four FG and two extra points to amass 15 points for the week. Fear the foot.

Jason 49 (2-7) slaughtered by Mr. LA Sports Fan 119 (3-6): The battle of 2-6 teams did not go well for Jason, who depended on Seattle RB Lynch to back up his first-stringer from Cincinnati; Marshawn only delivered four points (which I suppose is over 8% of the total week's points, so that isn't all that bad). Meanwhile, Mr. LA Sports Fan had the week's top score, overcoming Thomas Jones' putrid three-point performance through 31-point and 18-point contributions from others.

Professor Dittmore 98 (7-2) beats Karina 92 (5-4): The Professor sat Buffalo WR Evans, which worked out well (he would have contributed only 3 points)--but rode the shoulders of Rodgers, the Cal alum and under-rated Green Bay QB, to victory. Karina was close behind thanks to a great 26-point contribution from Minnesota's Adrian Peterson, but benching Larry Fitzgerald at the WR slot (he had 10 points) was a mistake that would have made the difference in the matchup. Sigh.

Paul 81 (5-4) loses to Meaniebreanie 95 (4-5): Paul can't blame Charger WR Sevi Ajirotutu (whose name rocks the house btw), given his 23-point performance that was the team's second-best contribution this week. But the most points across both teams in the matchup went to Meaniebreanie's Terrell Owens, the volatile Bengals WR, who picked up 26 fantasy points despite his team losing on Monday night.

Spanky 65 (4-5) crushed by Mr. Customer 109 (5-4): Two 4-4 teams met, but Spanky did not come out on top this week; luckily, the benching of Ochocinco (who had only one point) wasn't the deciding factor in Spanky's demise. No, Mr. Customer got an unlikely 18-point contributions from Giants WR Nicks, whose 18 points helped propel Mr. C to victory.

So there you have it, fantasy football recapped for the masses. Week 10's big matchup is Mr. Customer vs. Dusty Baker, with the other four head-to-head plays being Meaniebreanie vs. Mr. LA SportsFan, Spanky vs. the Professor, Jason vs. Nic J, and karina vs. Paul. Go to it, sports fans!

SoSG Fantasy Football Update, Week 8 (And Week 9 Smack Thread)

I am writing this from a hole in the ground. Where there is no light. And I am still drunk. And I don't feel much like posting just yet.

(Actually, I had a really tough week at work too--but hey, if there was a week to hibernate, I figured this was probably it.)

Mr. LA SF is also underneath a table somewhere, so let me give a quick recap of last week's efforts:

Spanky 72, Neeebs' Mom 54
Mr. Customer 129, Meanie Breanie 103
Steve Dittmore 66, Mr. LA SF 53
Dusty Baker 122, Karina 68
Paul 82, Nic J 44

Today gives us an extra hour of smacktalking. Fire up, people!

UPDATE 9:16a: Now with more Mr LA SF content!

Baseball is over, and there's not much left to talk about. So let's talk about football! Because why not!

Prof. Dittmore 66 (6-2) - MLASF 53 (2-6): The Professor takes advantage of my B-team (I had five players on byes) thanks to a late rally by Andre Johnson's 16 points in Monday Night Football. I had 14 points from both Ryan Fitzpatrick and Maurice Jones-Drew go for naught.

Spanky 72 (4-4) - Jason 54 (2-6): The Spankster moves back to .500 thanks to 22 points from rookie LaGarrette Blount and 15 points from the Rams' defense. Chris Johnson hauled 13 points for Jason, but no other player could reach double figures.

Mr. Customer 129 (4-4) - Meaniebreanie 103 (3-5): Mr. C gets his revenge from his juggernaut opening week loss thanks to a staggering seven double-digit showings. BenJarvus Green-Ellis led the way with 24 points, and Antonio Gates followed with 18. MB saw Brandon Lloyd snag 22 points and Terrell Owens add 18 to the mix, but it wasn't enough.

Dusty Baker 122 (7-1) - Karina 68 (5-3):  In a battle of the top seeds, Dusty cam out on top.  Arian Foster took 22 points in for DB, and Peyton Manning added 18. Jamaal Charles gave Karina 23 points, and Adrian Peterson took 20, but no other player had double-digits.

Paul 82 (5-3) - NicJ 54 (2-6):  Nic can't catch a break, suffering his sixth straight loss, while Paul continues his drive for first in the western division. A monster 28 point outburst from Calvin Johnson propelled the new father, while Philip Rivers added 18 points. Tom Brady's 13 points and Percy Harvin's 12 were the crux of Nic's offense.

Week 9 gets Jason vs. MLASF, Spanky vs. Mr C, Paul vs. MB, Nic vs. Dusty, and Karina vs. Ditty. Hopefully, we can answer that immortal question, "If there's no baseball being played, does SoSG make a sound?"

SoSG Fantasy Football Update, Week 7 (Week 8 Smack Thread)

ARGH! I got into the halloween candy early and now I am late with Mr LA SF's post. Here goes: smack talk away!

More than halfway through the fantasy season, and playoff seeds are still up for grabs.  In the East, Dusty Baker has a commanding three game lead over the next closest man, Mr. Customer.  Meanwhile, NicJ, Jason and I are tied for third with just a game back of Mr C.  In the West, Karina and Prof. Dittmore are tied for first, with Paul just a game back and Meaniebreanie and Spanky two back.  Week 7's action, if you will:

MLASF 114 (2-5) - Karina 98 (5-2): Karina suffers just her second loss of the season as I pull off the unexpected upset.  Roddy White's monster 32 point showing gave me the edge, while Thomas Jones added 18 points and Maurice Jones-Drew threw in 17.  Karina had 23 points from Adrian Peterson and 16 points from the Seattle defense in a losing effort.

Spanky 77 (3-4) - NicJ 72 (2-5):  Spanky gets his second straight win while Nic suffers his fifth straight defeat.  Hines Ward snagged 19 points for the Spankster, and Drew Brees and Rob Bironas both added 14.  Percy Harvin hauled 16 points for Nic while David Akers added 15, but the Saints' -3 on defense set him back.

Jason 90 (2-5) - Meaniebreanie 63 (3-4): As the Cowboys go, so does MB.  Tony Romo's broken collarbone derailed any chance of victory for the Dallas fan, collecting five points before leaving the game.  Jason Witten still had 15 points, and former Cowboy and current ass Terrell Owens threw in 14.  Team Deltalina used 20 point showings from Dwayne Bowe and Joe Flacco to ensure a win.

Prof. Dittmore 92 (5-2) - Mr. Customer 90 (3-4): The Professor ties for first in the West with his win, while the loss sends Mr. C to the edge of third place in the East.  Mr. C almost pulled off a stunning come-from-behind win with Hakeem Nicks and his 22 points, but the NY Giant could not get the 12 yards necessary to force a tie.  Steven Jackson added 14 points for the Customer, while Kyle Orton added 13.  P. Ditty used 17 points from Dan Carpenter, 16 from Aaron Rodgers, and 15 from the Chicago defense to get the W.

Dusty Baker 106 (6-1) - Paul 80 (4-3):  DB continues to dispatch his opponents, thanks to two Falcons.  A 26 point showing from Michael Turner and a 23 point effort from Matt Ryan spotted Dusty and early lead, while 20 points from Knowshon Moreno clinched the victory.  15 points from Frank Gore and 14 points from Johnny Cox went in vain for Paul.

Week 8 will see MLASF versus Prof. Dittmore, Jason versus Spanky, Mr. C versus MB, Karina versus Dusty, and Nic versus Paul.  On Halloween, who knows what spooky happenings we'll see? Which juggernaut will get the win, DB or Karina?  Will Mr. C lose his second place standing?  Can Nic finally get his first win since Week 2? Anything can happen at a dead man's party.

SoSG Fantasy Week 6 Update (And Week 7 Smack Thread)

I've gotta post this quickly since it's a Saturday night and the sports news this evening is not good (and I'm not talking about Oklahoma's toppling to Missouri). Take it away, Mr. LA Sports Czar:

Here's last week's action to get you caught up.

Paul 73 (4-2) - MLASF 72 (1-5): The less said about this game the better.

Spanky 96 (2-4) - Dusty Baker 81 (5-1): Spanky pulls the unlikely upset and delivers the first loss to Dusty.  Drew Brees gave 20 points, Brandon Jacobs added 15, and kicker Rob Bironas threw in 12 for the Spankster.  Dusty received 21 points from Arian Foster, 18 from Peyton Manning, and 14 from Roy Williams, but a combined 18 from the rest of his men.

Meaniebreanie 94 (3-3) - NicJ 76 (2-4): Nic gets his fourth straight loss while MB moves back to .500.  Ryan Torain led the way for MB with 22 points, followed by 20 points from Tony Romo and 16 from the Steeler defense.  Nic saw 18 points from LaDainian Tomlinson go in vain.

Prof. Dittmore 111 (4-2) - Jason 75 (1-5):  Nothing goes right for Jason again as the Professor delivers a sound beating.  A monster game from Jeremy Maclin (27 points) and a strong showing from Aaron Rodgers (21 points) led the way for P. Ditty.  Jason had 19 points from both Joe Flacco and Chris Johnson go for naught.

Karina 85 (5-1) - Mr. Customer 65 (3-3): Karina continues to dominate the pack, taking the lead in the western division.  14 points from Ahmad Bradshaw, 12 points from Brandon Marshall and Jason Hanson, and 13 points from Adrian Peterson helped her cause.  Mr. C falls to .500 despite 16 points from Steven Jackson and 14 points from Kyle Orton.

Week 7 pits Karina against MLASF, Nic against Spanky, MB against Jason, Paul against Dusty, and Mr. C against the Professor.

 

SoSG Fantasy Football: Week 5 Update

Surprisingly, the NFL has more going on than one player's exposed penis. So take it away, Mr. LA SF:

Sorry again for the late wrap-up. I really should stop sniffing that glue. So here's last week's action, in all its actiony glory:

Jason 99 (1-4) - MLASF 71 (1-4): Jason gets off the winless schneid at my expense, evening our respective records.  Jason used 25 points from Chris Johnson, 19 points from the Atlanta defense, and 17 points from Cedric Benson to defeat me.  Roddy White and Vernon Davis both scored 16, but my seven other players combined for 39 points.

Mr. Customer 143 (3-2) - Paul 105 (3-2): Mr. C gets a monster game to dispatch Paul and move a game above .500.  Matt Forte had 30 points, Hakeem Nicks had 25, and Eli Manning had 19 for the winning cause.  Paul saw 27 points from Malcolm Floyd and 22 points from Philip Rivers go in vain.

Karina 76 (4-1) - Spanky 42 (1-4):  Karina gets her third straight victory while Spanky suffers his fourth straight defeat.  Karina received 15 points from David Garrard and 10 apiece from Adrian Peterson and Brent Celek.  Spanky had 13 apiece from Drew Brees and Rod Bironas, but nobody else gave him double-figures.

Dusty Baker 97 (5-0) - NicJ 86 (2-3): gets his third straight loss as Dusty remains undefeated, riding high on the 17 points from both the Eagles' defense and Marcedes Lewis.  Roy Williams and Michael Turner threw in 14 apiece for DB.  Nic gained 20 points from Ryan Fitzpatrick and 16 points from the Jets' defense, but could not muster enough to overcome the combined 29 points from his backs and wide receivers.

Prof. Dittmore 100 (3-2) - Meaniebreanie 91 (2-3): P. Ditty moves to a game above .500 thanks to two 19 point efforts from LeSean McCoy and Michael Bush and an 18 point outburst from the Chicago defense.  MB had three monster games from Brandon Lloyd (25 points), Tony Romo (22), and Austin Collie (22), but her six other players totaled 22 points combined.

Sunday pits MLASF against Paul, Dusty against Spanky, Nic against MB, Jason against the Professor, and Mr. C against Karina.  Will Dusty remain undefeated for six straight weeks? Will Spanky, Jason and I celebrate victory for only the second time?  Will Nic have three healthy running backs?  Will Brett Favre's genitals throw everything into chaos? Find out on the next "As the SoSG Turns!" Wait, they canceled that? DAMMIT.

SoSG Fantasy Football, Week 4 Update

The unstoppable Dusty Baker

Yikes, it's already the weekend and we neglected to put up last week's update. Here we go, again from Mr LA Sports Fan:

Sorry it took me so long to get this. I was busy mocking Kevin Kolb. Anyways, let's take a peek at last week's action.

Dusty Baker 96 (4-0) - MLASF 92 (1-3): DB remains undefeated after pulling two big games out of Arian Foster (30 points) and Peyton Manning (20). I hit back with 23 points from Maurice Jones-Drew and 16 points from Peyton Hillis, but his Peyton was better than mine.

Karina 74 (3-1) - Jason 64 (0-4): The curse of the first overall pick continues to haunt Team Deltalina. Jason lost his lead after Monday Night Football when Karina managed 20 combined points from the Dolphins' Ricky Williams and Brandon Marshall. She also had Ahmad Bradshaw's 17 points for good measure. Jason hauled 15 points from Matt Schaub and 14 points from kicker(!) Matt Prater in a losing effort.

Mr. Customer 109 (2-2) - NicJ 94 (2-2): Mr. C defeated Nic thanks to some big games from various players, including 26 points from Antonio Gates and 19 points from Rashard Mendenhall. Nic finally started a worthwhile running back in LaDainian Tomlinson(!), getting a 27 point boost from the former Charger. Donald Driver threw in 14 points for Nic's cause.

Paul 111 (3-1) - Prof. Dittmore 59 (2-2): The Professor's momentum came to a screeching halt after Paul's smackdown. The new father (congrats by the way!) had 25 points from the Chargers' defense, 20 points from Calvin Johnson, 19 points from Joseph Addai, and 17 points from Philip Rivers. P. Ditty saw Aaron Rodgers provide 17 points and LeSean McCoy throw in 15, but no other player scored double-figures.

Meaniebreanie 67 (2-2) - Spanky 60 (1-3): MB serves Spanky his third straight loss thanks to 17 points from Sam Bradford and 13 points from BenJarvus Green-Ellis. DeAngelo Williams gave the Spankster 15 points while Dallas Clarke contributed 12, but a big -3 from Jay Cutler really set him back.

Sunday's action gives us the thrilling matchups of MLASF and Jason, Paul and Mr. C, Spanky and Karina, Dusty and Nic, and MB and P. Ditty. The thrills! The chills! It can only be SoSG Fantasy Football!

Or malaria.

But mostly football!

Quick turnaround to week 5 in 24 hours!

SoSG Fantasy Football Week 3 Update

Here's the latest from SoSG Fantasy Football, from the Commissioner Mr. LA Sports Fan himself:

Baseball's winding down now, and with the Dodgers' recent play, nothing says escapism like Fantasy Football! The envelope, please:

MLASF 99 (1-2) - Mr. Customer 87 (1-2) : Woohoo, a win! Mr. Customer got big games from Rashard Mendenhall (20 points), Antonio Gates (16) and the Bengals' defense (13). But that was not enough, as I snagged 23 points from Peyton Hillis, 21 points from DeSean Jackson, and 15 points from Thomas Jones.

Prof. Dittmore 76 (2-1) - NicJ 68 (2-1): The Professor* gets his second win in a row, while Nic's persnickety lineup continues to give him grief. Aaron Rodgers, Jeremy Maclin, and Jermichael Finley combine for 55 of P. Ditty's 76 points, while Nic received only two double-figure players (Tom Brady's 22 and Louis Murphy's 11)

Dusty Baker 95 (3-0) - Jason 88 (0-3): Dusty remains undefeated while Jason continues to see the goose egg in the win column. Peyton Manning's 25 points and Darren McFadden's 17 gave DB the leg up, while Team Deltalina received 24 points from Chris Johnson and 20 points from Cedric Benson.

Paul 92 (2-1) - Spanky 79 (1-2): Paul triumphs in the battle of the Rams' fans, delivering Spanky his second straight loss. Philip Rivers gave the victor 24 points, while Randy Moss added 16 and Malcolm Floyd threw in 15. Spanky had 29 points from Austin Collie and 22 points from Drew Brees, but none of his other players reached double-digits.

Karina (2-1) - Meaniebreanie 79 (1-2): Adrian Peterson is a Venezuelan's best friend this week; the Vikings' RB hauled 31 points for Karina, who also got 22 points from Brandon Marshall and 14 points from Jamaal Charles.

Next week, we get Karina v. Jason, Dusty v. MLASF, Mr C v. Nic, P Ditty v. Paul, and Spanky v. MB. Will Dusty lose his first game? Will Jason win his first? Will Nic figure out which running back can remain healthy? Will Spanky get his smack on? Find out only on "The Bold and the SoSGful!"

[Sax's note (*): Whenever I hear "the Professor", I either think about Gilligan's Island (of course) or the old Apple 2 game, Aztec. Not that I want anything bad to happen to Mr. Dittmore; I just remember mocking the hell out of this while playing the game as a kid. So, just for throwback's sake, enjoy.]

SoSG Fantasy Football: Week 2 Update

Here's another fantasy football recap, from Mr. LA Sports Fan:

Another week is in the record books for the NFL, and another slate of matchups has come to a fold. The results, if you will:

Nic 52 (2-0) - MLASF 50 (0-2): Nic used 9 late points from Pierre Thomas to pull off a late victory, despite having Jahvid Best's 40 points on the pine; both Tom Brady and Ray Rice brought in 11 points while Donald Driver took 9. I had 19 points from DeSean Jackson, 13 from Roddy White and 8 from Visanthe Shiancoe, but the rest of my team combined for 10 points, six less than my bench combination of backs Rashad Jennings and Thomas Jones. I hate Brett Favre.

Dusty Baker 82 (2-0) - Meaniebreanie 75 (1-1): Dusty didn't replicate his Week 1 performance, but he didn't need to. 22 points from Peyton Manning, 14 from Darren McFadden, and 12 from Arian Foster propelled him to a second straight victory. MB's Cowboy-heavy lineup fell just as Dallas did, getting 17 points out of Tim Hightower and 14 apiece from Tony Romo and Miles Austin.

Prof. Dittmore 115 (1-1) - Spanky 66 (1-1): After being upset by Karina, P-Ditty came back with a vengeance. The Professor squeezed 30 points out of LeSean McCoy, with 26 points from Aaron Rodgers and 21 from Andre Johnson as support. Spanky did little in return; Dallas Clark was his only man in double-figures with 14 points.

Mr. Customer 101 (1-1) - Jason 89 (0-2): Mister Customer pulled off a late winner, using a garbage-time TD connection between Eli Manning and Hakeem Nicks to defeat Jason. 17 points from Antonio Gates and 15 points from Reggie Wayne provided the frame work for the victory. Jason falls to 0-2, despite a 29 point showing from Matt Schaub and 15 points from Clinton Portis.

Paul (1-1) 99 - Karina 52 (1-1): Paul defeated everyone's favorite Venezuelan thanks to 21 points from Philip Rivers and 13 points from Calvin Johnson. Karina had 24 points from Adrian Peterson, but nobody else could pull in double-digits for her.

Two weeks have passed, and 15 still remain. But one thing is clear: Jason and I stink. Also, I hate Brett Favre. I hate this whole damn thing. Who was the genius behind this stupid fantasy league business?

Oh.

Dammit.

Next week I face Mr. C, while the Professor takes on Nic, Jason meets Dusty, Karina duels female counterpart Meanie, and Paul goes head to head with Spanky.

Dusty Baker also chimes in with this: "Me arse is still puckered after that MNF game that almost put MB over the top." Well, Dusty, you're 2-0, so you've earned the right to enjoy a laxative, or at least a high-fiber meal. Until Sunday, that is.

Good luck in Week 3, ladies and gents!

SoSG Fantasy Football: Week 1 Update

SoSG Fantasy Football broke open its season this past week, and here's SoSG regular Mr LA Sports Fan, the league commissioner, with a guest post recapping the action. As context, here are the ten participants and their team names:

EAST

• Å’dipus Rex Grossman - Mr C
• Game Thread WH0R3S - MLASF
• Los Angeles Stat Lickers - Dusty Baker
• Neeebs' Mom - Jason
• Touchdown Syndrome - NicJ

WEST

• M.O.C.M. Putos - Spanky
• peanuts tinatinita - Karina
• Sexy Camels - Paul
• TX Init2winit - MeanieBreanie
• Woo Pig Professors - Steve Dittmore

And away we go with the Week 1 update:

The first annual SoSG Fantasy Football tournament kicked off this week. With ten participants, the results were:

Spanky 77 - Mr. LA Sports Fan 61: Spanky put a whoopin' on me with a 21 point outburst from Chad Ochocinco. Dallas Clark added 14 points. I had nothing going; Roddy White's 11 points and Maurice Jones-Drew's 10 were my only boon.

Dusty Baker 129 - Mr. Customer 123: Mr C had the second highest score in the league. But unfortunately, that and a nickel will get him a nice hot cup of jack squat. DB raked 129 points, 41 of which came from an unbelievable performance from Arian Foster. Dusty also took in 29 points from Peyton Manning, 20 points from Darren McFadden, and 18 points from Wes Welker. Monsieur Client took in 30 points from Matt Forte and 19 from Rashard Mendenhall.

Karina 85 - Prof. Dittmore 56: In an upset, rookie Karina defeated the Professor, riding high on 14 points from Greg Jennings, 15 points from Jamaal Charles, and another 15 from Vince Young. P. Ditty, as Spanky has christened him, received 13 points from LeSean McCoy and 10 points from Jeremy Maclin.

Meaniebreanie 76 - Paul 71: In the closest matchup, Meanie scratched out a five point victory. MB's Cowboy lineup came through for her, with Tony Romo bringing in 15 points and Miles Austin taking 20. Paul didn't get much out of his players; Ronnie Brown and Philip Rivers were his only men in double-digits, with 14 points and 19 points respectively.

NicJ 81 - Jason 71: Nic pulled out a win over first-overall pick Jason. Nic used strong outings from Tom Brady (22 points) and Pierre Thomas (14 points) to overcome Jason's Chris Johnson, who brought in 26 points for Team Deltalina.

Next week's matchups pit Meanie against Dusty, MLASF against Nic, Spanky against the Professor, Mr. C against Jason, and Paul against Karina.

Also, as commissioner of the league, I have a special prize set aside for the winner of the tournament. The Sons will also be providing their own prize. Double the prizes! Top that, Smonk!

Karina Defeats Dittmore! (Week 1 In Progress)

Some of you may have seen that Mr. LA Sports Fan organized a fantasy football league and enticed nine other SoSG readers to play. Mr. LA SF and Dusty Baker will be providing regular updates on the league's progress (and we are tentatively planning to put up threads each Sunday for the smacktalking)--but here's a tease image to show you how Week 1, still not finalized, has unfolded:

That's right, the Venezuelan dynamo is on the rampage. And Steve Dittmore is her first victim! Stay tuned for a full Week 1 update, coming soon!