Sunday, August 05, 2007

Following the Head - 0 for 4

Barry Bonds feared the presence of the Delino. How else can you explain his DECISION to have only one hit in the four games I attended this past week. And what does he do the next at bat, with no Delino in the crowd? 755.

In my journey to see Bonds enter the record books, all I got for my time and money was a sub Mendoza 1 for 11 performance. On Friday night, I made the long drive back up the 5... the only history I witnessed was the ugliest hat giveaway.

Friday Morning- Leaving Los Angeles at 1:30pm would seem like enough time for a 7:10pm game in San Diego. And yet 7pm rolled around, and I was sweatily power walking the streets of SD until Petco Park appeared in the distance like manna from heaven. I made it to someone else's seat with five minutes to spare, enough time to see Bonds's first groundout. Most of you probably already know this, but Petco Park is STUNNING.

Good selection of food. Crowds that don't threaten you with bodily violence. A bathroom that looked like it was used by humans (more on this in my next column, an expose on the All You Can Eat Pavilion). In fact, some of the fans actually cheered Bonds every time he came up to bat. It's as if they... respected him. Or valued his contribution to baseball. Very odd indeed. The only downside of Petco Park was the special fisherman cap giveaway.

I think it was entitled "Lose Your Dignity Night."

Barry Bonds showed his true colors in the seventh when former Yankee killer Brian Roberts knocked in two runs. The entire Giants bench cleared to congratulate the runners, except for the pitcher and you know who. Bonds didn't even make an attempt to move. Just sat there, trying to balance his large cranium and decide which front row blonde to bang.

My favorite part of the game came in the ninth. The Delino and his male escort snuck down to the second row (apparently Padres fans also feel there's no drama to be found in a tied ball game in the 9th). And Bonds understudy Fred Lewis was up to bat. For the next five minutes, we tormented Fred Lewis with all the insults we intended to use on Bonds. "Ster-oids." "Bal-Co." "HEAD, move" One incredibly astute putz behind us exclaimed "That's not Bonds!" (Not surprisingly, irony lost on the San Diego crowd). He proceeded to chastise us "Bonds is the number two hitter of all time. What have you ever done?" And for a moment, I felt bad. Truly, what have I ever done for MLB? This San Diego genius really made me doubt my contribution to this great sport. In the end, maybe I didn't get to see 755 simply because I didn't deserve to. Hopefully the baseball gods will look more favorably on me in 2013 when blonde sympathizer A-Rod knocks Bonds off his perch.


Orel said...

Welcome back! Seems like you missed 755 by that much!

Steve Sax said...

Not just a great post, bit also a self-reflective moral of the story at the end! I felt like I was watching He-Man!

Nicely done, Delino.

Alex Cora said...

Nice post Delino - Think that fisherman's hat could have fit Bond's head?

Lasorda said...

Nice to see that we both survived a trip behind enemy lines.