Barry Bonds released a statement expressing "remorse," a concept with which he familiarized himself by looking it up on Wikipedia:
"[Mark Sweeney] is both my teammate and my friend," Bonds said in a statement. "He did not give me anything whatsoever and has nothing to do with this matter, contrary to recent reports.
"I want to express my deepest apologies especially to Mark and his family as well as my other teammates, the San Francisco Giants organization and the fans," he said.
"Shouldn't this word be apoplectic?" a curious Bonds asked, proofreading the statement before its release. A visit to Dictionary.com clarified the matter.
Could Bonds be taking a lesson from the remorseless Mark McGwire, whose unapologetic approach has been costly? Only future carefully-worded statements will tell.