Monday, April 30, 2012

Javy Guerra And The Snuggie Curse

Over his last three appareances, Dodger closer Javy Guerra has not been the same. But the signs, the true signs of things amiss, go back much further than that.

Sure, Javy's first blown save of the year came on April 17 in Milwaukee, ending his streak of sterling appearances (five saves and a win in six appearances). Then Guerra put together two more saves on April 19 and 20 to put most fears to rest.

But over the last three appearances, Javy has been a mess. First, on April 24, he entered with the game tied 3-3 against the Braves, only to give up the game-winning run. The following night was even worse, when he gave up five straight hits to the Braves and three earned runs and, worst of all, took a comebacker in the jaw in the loss. Finally, in a wild one Saturday night against the Nationals, Guerra gave up another earned run and allows two runs total, in a game we were extremely lucky to tie in the ninth, let alone win in the tenth. In all the post-game revelry, the state of Guerra was forgotten.

However, intrepid Dodger fans know what's really going on: Javy Guerra is afflicted with the Snuggie Curse.

Go ahead and laugh, sure. Guerra should be "naturally balanced" with all that logo treatment plastered on him, right? However, the facts of this case reveal the truth.

First, let's go back and look at the Snuggie-related timeline:

Now let's correlate those dates with those of Guerra's downfall. Remember, the signs of Guerra's fraying started with his first blown save on April 17, five days after his television spot debuted. Then, once the actual Dodger Snuggie promotion happened, all hell broke loose: blown saves, errant pitches, comebackers to the head. Ever since Javy got into that backwards robe thingy, he's been cursed.

Oh yes, this is the Snuggie Curse, all right. Plain and simple.

And really, the Dodgers should have known better. What, you haven't heard of the Snuggie Curse?

Remember when Weezer went all Snuggie-licious on us? That was in November 2009. One short month later, the Weezer tour bus crashed on the interstate, leaving frontman Rivers Cuomo with three cracked ribs (among other injuries) and causing the cancellation of their tour. The Snuggie is to blame. What else could it be?

Meanwhile, closer to home, the Dodgers have a more prominent case study. Remember which Dodger hawked a Dodgers Snuggie last year in a similar television spot? None other than James Loney. Oh sure, we thought it was humorous too, at first. But this was before Loney went on to have a putrid first half in 2011, not breaking the .250 batting average mark until June 12 (Loney finished decently strong to end the year with a .288 average). It took Loney almost three months to wear off the curse last year (no details as to whether Loney was sleeping in his snuggie during this past offseason, either).

We won't be able to wait three months for Guerra to get back to fighting form. That's why we're calling on you, the SoSG readers, to help break this Snuggie Curse and save Javy Guerra from a horrible first half.

If any of you have a 2012 Dodgers Snuggie that you'd be willing to sacrifice to the baseball gods, send us pictures or video, proving your sacrifice. We'll publicize the results. Then, and only then, will the Javy Guerra we know and love return.

Somewhere under that sleeved fleece canopy lies the heart and soul of a true closer. We need to band together to break the Snuggie Curse, pull that good man back out from under that tent, and into the blue light.

Not that we're conspiracy theorists, but for earlier SoSG curse content, here's The Dane Cook Dodgers Curse; The Wheaties Fuel Curse (Part 1, 2, and 3; and The Eric Collins Curse 2009 and 2010. Nah, we're not paranoid. Nosiree.

20 comments:

Franklin Stubbs said...

Baseball fans are superstitious? That's unpossible!

Hideo Nomo said...

Like our readership needs a reason to set fire to things.

Steve Sax said...

For the record, I'm not saying we have to set fire to a 2012 Dodgers Snuggie. There are other ways to sacrifice a Snuggie.

Franklin Stubbs said...

We don't HAVE to set fire to it...

Hideo Nomo said...

It probably wouldn't be best to breathe the fumes from a burning Snuggie.

Neeebs * said...

True Blue LA has a piece on Javy, basically concluding that he is relying on his four seam fastball more this year than last year.

Not necessarily an exact science, but it might help explain things.

QuadSevens said...

I don't have one of those snuggies, but if I did, I'd try destroying it with a large paper shredder. Or maybe a chainsaw.

Steve Sax said...

@ Neeebs: But the Snuggie Curse data IS an exact science (unlike TBLA's "analysis").

BJ Killeen said...

What's truly sad is putting a guy who supposed to strike fear in the other team in a wussy blanket. No wonder Javy's struggling...He needs his dignity back...no more snuggies..shoot the merchandising manager (who sucks anyway...can't even get a good Dodgers letterman jacket for my husband!)...and have you seen the horribly cheap speaker giveaways for USC/UCLA night? I mean for USC fans it's fine, they have no taste, but for us Bruin alumni, step it up! What's wrong with the great caps we got last year? I'm just sayin'.... :-)

Dusty Baker said...

I want to burn something!

Cc: Spanky

Alex said...

so snuggies arn't for closers?

I managed to escape the curse because I was late to last tuesdays game, take that 101/110 fwy interchange!

Neeebs * said...

@Sax: I'm a full believer of the Snuggie Curse, I've owned one myself.

@BJ: Screw the Trojans, and is that your real name?

Franklin Stubbs said...

A distant relation to erstwhile commenter Buzz, perhaps?

Franklin Stubbs said...

I may also have to take some blame for this curse, as everything my fantasy team touches turns directly to shit.

Hideo Nomo said...

You must have Pujols, then.

Franklin Stubbs said...

No, he's doing that all on his own.

DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy said...

I don't care for either of them....but isn't it the other way around? UCLA being the public school should get the cheap stuff......then again SC is located in the middle of the ghetto so maybe it does make sense....oh snap

Stumptherob said...

I twittered trisha cummings if they broke up n got no tweet backs now i blame her for javys fail. JANSEN bring em out!!!!!!!

Dusty Baker said...

Has anyone checked eBay? I'm willing to buy one just to burn that fucker.

The snuggie, not Javy.

Steve Sax said...

They're going for about $20, but there's one for $11 and change right now.

I don't have one.

I'm surprised no SoSG reader has offered to sacrifice one yet. Let me go downstairs and check the mailroom.