"I'm sorry you feel that way."
Ever hear this chickenshit excuse for an apology? It's usually spoken by someone who won't take responsibility for his or her own actions and instead is passive-aggressively blaming someone else for their inconsideration. Well, Andruw Jones is sorry the Dodgers and their fans feel this way. His dodgy non-apology, as chronicled by the LA Times' Bill Plaschke, reeks of insincerity:
"Are you saying you're sorry?"
Are you sorry for showing up at spring training looking like a blue manatee? Sorry for not working hard enough to fix that weight? Sorry for ripping the fans who booed you for that weight? Sorry for asking to be put on the disabled list so you could disappear from those boos?
The Dodgers gave you $36.2 million, and in exchange you gave them a batting average of .158, three home runs and 25 extra pounds, and so you're finally sorry?
Andruw Jones pauses. He looks down. He wraps his fingers tight around the handle of a bat. He nods.
"Yes, you could put it that way," he says. "Yes, in fact, put it exactly that way."
"Put it what way?"
"I am sorry I didn't stand up to my reputation," he says. "I am sorry for what I put everyone through. I am sorry I did not make it work."
Although he sounds contrite, Andruw Jones can't say sorry because he doesn't know what he's done wrong. He's sorry for the results—that much is clear—but won't own up to causing them. It's like a husband capitulating to a nagging wife just to shut her up. (Not that I would know. Hi, honey!) Or a prisoner telling his torturers whatever they want to hear. It feels like Plaschke had to practically corner Jones and extract an apology.
It's not like the soft-spoken Jones was going to take out a newspaper ad apologizing to the city of Los Angeles. By all indications, he's the type to keep his head low and ride out the storm. But when the storm causes $36 million of damage, the anger of those affected will follow you all the way to Texas. Unfortunately, the sins Jones truly needs to repent, as neatly laid out by Plaschke, remain unaddressed. And not even a Texas flood can change that.
Dodgers photo by Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images
Rangers photo by Harry How/Getty Images