Friday, March 06, 2009

Sweeney Unhappy Returns

Oh no.

Here comes a Dodgers press release trumpeting--nay, heralding--the coming of Dodgers Assistant Coach Mark Sweeney. Why are we letting a guy who batted .130 last year, with 12 hits in 98 at-bats, even come close to the Dodgers' batting cages? Why are we crowning a .163 slugging average in 2008 (below Hiroki Kuroda, Brad Penny, and Andruw Jones) as deserving of a coaching spot? Why has Ned Colletti not learned his lesson and instead given Sweeney a one-way ticket to Siberia?

Mark Sweeney, one of the premiere pinch-hitters in baseball history, today announced his retirement after a 14-year Major League playing career. The 39-year-old will now join the Dodgers field staff as an Assistant Coach. General Manager Ned Colletti made the announcement.

“We are excited to be able to keep Mark Sweeney in the Dodger organization and we congratulate him on his retirement from his playing career," said Colletti. "With 14 years of big league experience, he will bring some very valuable baseball knowledge to our staff.”

Sweeney will be in uniform for all pre-game workouts during the regular season, and will also serve as an instructor during Spring Training. Sweeney will serve as a liaison between the Dodgers' advance scout and the club, including series preparation.

“I truly enjoyed my experience last season with the Dodgers, Joe Torre, and his staff,” said Sweeney. “I look forward to the opportunity to continue that association and to give something back to the game I enjoy so much.”

What started out as a wonderful press release announcing the long-overdue retirement of Sweeney, has become a nightmare with all the potential to ruin the positive batting karma added by this week's Manny Ramirez signing. Ye gods.


Brandon said...

What made you cringe more last season...Mark Sweeney or Gary Bennett's rainbow lobs back to the mound?

Rob said...

Heh. A guy who can stick around and have a meaningful career of pinch-hits is probably EXACTLY the guy you want as a hitting coach. The guys who can crush the ball don't need his help, and the guys that do are liable to need somebody who spent a career coming off the bench cold. Shockingly, I approve of this message.

Steve Sax said...

Good point Rob. Sweeney probably has a couple of sound pieces of advice about how to come off of a bench cold.

Unfortunately, he also has a lot of experience returning to said bench, equally cold.

Dean H. said...

Wasn't Sweeney the best friend on the Giants of one Barry Bonds?

Wasn't Sweeney the guy Bonds claimed to have gotten amphetamines from?

We do we want this guy around our players?

Rob said...

Just call him Mr. Refrigerator-Ass-Man.