Saturday, October 25, 2008

The SoSG 2008 Dodgers Yearbook: Faculty


Dear Mr. Mattingly:

I guess even teachers can have girl problems, huh? Was it a coincidence that when you returned from your personal leave, the offense woke up? Let's see what you can do with a full season in 2009! Stay classy!


Dear Mr. Duncan:

You seem to get into a lot of disagreements: Jake Peavy, Davey Lopes, etc. We heard you have these arguments in order to draw attention away from the players. Or maybe you just really like arguing. Whatever. Stay classy!


Dear Lar—

For a while we didn't know if you were staying or going, Lar. We like to call you Lar in hopes that you'll suffer a Bob Knight-esque meltdown. You have an even shorter fuse than Mr. Duncan! But thanks for being cooler than Mr. Donnelly. Stay classy!


Dear Mr. Torre:

Everyone seemed so psyched when you replaced Mr. Little, but it seemed like you took half the year just to learn your players' names. A different lineup for every two games didn't exactly inspire confidence, but it all came together the last few months of the season. Hopefully in 2009 you'll deal with fewer injuries and more consistency. Keep drinking that green tea, man! Stay classy!


Dear Mr. Rawitch:

You did a very, very cool thing this year. And you won the Battle of the Joshes. And you helped rehabilitate Manny Ramirez's image. It was a good year. Stay classy!


Dear Dr. Steinberg:

You survived the Great Autograph Fiasco of '08. But you also forced Journey upon us. If you can do something about the negative element at Dodger Stadium, we'll call it even. Stay classy!


Dear Ms. Ng:

We're sorry about Seattle. But soon it'll be time to shake that off and put your arbitration cap on. Stay classy!


Dear Mr. Colletti:

For months it seemed you were going to collapse under the embarrassing contracts of Andruw Jones, Jason Schmidt and Juan Pierre. But Hurricane Manny blew into town and lifted that dead weight off your back. Now you're returning in 2009 and you've got a ton of off-season decisions to make. Foist Pierre and Jones on other teams and you'll almost be back to square one! Oh, and your contract expires in 2009. Have fun! Stay classy!


Dear Mr. McCourt:

Quite a year, huh? When you're not busy hiding behind Mr. Steinberg or stepping in front of Mr. Colletti, you're referring to Manny Ramirez—the most important player you've ever employed—as, uh, "the player." But it's also true that under your stewardship, the Dodgers have seen their best season in 20 years. As long as you can avoid perpetrating more front office turmoil (a McCourt specialty!), 2008 should be something to build on rather than an aberration. Maintaining clubhouse continuity was a good start. Stay classy!


Dear Mr. Scully:

Sorry the Dodgers couldn't win it all for you this year, your 59th season with the organization. We're ecstatic you'll be returning for a 60th go-round in 2009; when you're on, life is good. We wish you a pleasant winter.

Earlier: The SoSG 2008 Dodgers Yearbook: Students, Section 1, Students, Section 2