Monday, August 25, 2008

Mario Super Sluggers Invade Dodger Stadium, Put On Clinic

AC and I were lounging around SoSG Worldwide Headquarters when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello! It's-a me, Mario!"

"Mario, you can drop the whole accent schtick. Some people find it offensive."

[pause] "Sorry about that. It's just that Nintendo is bustin' my balls, pushing the jolly Italian plumber thing. Just the other day I had to Roto-Rooter Shigeru Miyamoto's sewage pipes!"

"How can I help you, Mario?"

"Now they're making me play baseball. For this game, Mario Super Sluggers. I have to learn to hit home runs, and fast. Get some gabagool in dese guns, capiche?"

"Newsflash, Mario. The Sopranos is over."

"Try telling that to Nintendo."

"Anyway, don't you already know how to hit home runs? From your other baseball games?"

"Yeah, right. Let's just say Mario Small Ball didn't set any sales records."

"So what do you want?"

"I tried to order some steroids, but my dealer says no one will touch 'em now!"

"Imagine that."

"So my agent thought the next best thing would be to have the Dodgers show me how to hit home runs. The Dodgers hit a lot of home runs, right?"

"Uhhh...."

"Great! I'll have Luigi pick you up in a Stretch Kart. Meet me at Dodger Stadium, Event Suite 2."

"Mario, just one question. Why is your moustache black and your hair brown?"

"What's that? You're breaking up—hey! Down, Yoshi! Bad dog! Or whatever you are! Princess, get Carlos Millan on the line—" Beep.

When we got to Dodger Stadium, it turned out Mario was way ahead of us. In fact, he had already assembled most of a starting lineup. And I couldn't help but notice the similarities between the Mario Super Sluggers and the Dodgers....

MARIO
SUPER SLUGGERS
DODGER
EQUIVALENT
Why?

Mario


Russell
Martin
The franchise.

Bowser Jr.


Matt
Kemp
Young and exuberant.

Luigi


James
Loney
Sometimes bobbly but generally reliable.

Donkey Kong


Jonathan
Broxton
Ox. Kong. 'Nuff said.

Peach


Jamie
McCourt
Did you really think I was going to compare a player to Princess Peach?

Yoshi


Juan
Pierre
Wearer of jaunty cap/shell. Occasionally lays an egg.

Wario


Manny
Ramirez
Hero to some, villain to others.

Want to know more about Mario Super Sluggers gameplay? Check out AC's At-Game Recap!

(For gaming fans, it should be noted that while Event Suite 2 was hosting a Wii demonstration, Event Suite 1 had a 2K Sports kiosk complete with an Xbox 360 with the Red Ring of Death.)

4 comments:

Eric Karros said...

Comprehensive and well-supported analysis, Orel. Out of curiosity, do you know what the little graphs on each Super Slugger's profile indicate?

karina said...

I think i fell in love with this game. That's it, i should buy a Wii.

Orel said...

mousing over the graph points:

picture of baseball = average?
picture of bat = power?
picture of glove = defense
picture of guy running = speed

Steve Sax said...

picture of Princess Peach = best ass?