Monday, December 11, 2006

...and about those Four Performance Incentives...

So what are those four performance incentives that are allegedly in Barry Bonds' new Giants contract? I haven't seen the detailed reports as of yet, but I have been speculating that they're something like:

  • need to limit use of lockers to only two stalls, rather than his customary three, for the duration of the season;
  • armor plating taken off after each successful at bat needs to be limited to a reasonable weight that could be carried by Dusty Baker's batboy son;
  • usage of cream and clear on homestands only (raising the likelihood of home-filed home runs;
  • must talk to at least one (1) other teammate at least one (1) time per three-game series.

    But now the Contra Costa Times says that Bonds' contract is being held up because the team is asking for an indictment clause, should Bonds go to jail next year, an outcome which is entirely likely given his perjury under oath. More gossipy details:

    The Giants want fewer of Bonds' personal employees in the clubhouse and a guarantee that he won't refuse to pinch hit, like he did last year.

    For his part, Bonds wants reporters to be banned from asking him questions at his locker and control over some potentially historic memorabilia as he begins the 2007 season 22 home runs shy of breaking Hank Aaron's all-time best 755.

    The headache is starting already, and it's months until Opening Day.

    Rumor had it that Jason Schmidt was run out of town (and into the hands of the Dodgers) after refusing to pitch in an important start at the end of last season (at least, as Scott Ostler reported, though this is somewhat unlikely given the team's third-place, 11.5-games-out finish. But clearly, a double standard exists at the Giants for Bonds, no matter how petulant and disobedient he chooses to be.

    Here's hoping they can get the Bonds deal done, and that he hits only twenty home runs next year.