Great Moments in SoSG History: Vol. I, Issue I

From a 3/31/2008 GT:

Penny Lands in Japan

From MLBTR:

Pitcher Brad Penny has signed with the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks of Nippon Professional Baseball, according to the team's website (Japanese link). Penny's deal is for one-year, $3MM with performance bonuses, according to a report from the Yomiuri Shimbun passed along by Patrick Newman of NPB Tracker.

ESPN.com's Jerry Crasnick recently reported that Penny was weighing an opportunity with the Hawks. The 33-year-old posted a 5.30 ERA with 3.7 K/9 and 3.1 BB/9 in 31 starst for the Tigers last season.

"Weighing an opportunity," get it?

Texas @ Detroit: The Unknown Soldier

I wanted to check in this morning on my favorite malcontent tub of lard ex-Dodger pitcher, Brad Penny, who is starting today against Texas at home. And, looking at MLB.com's GameDay, it was interesting to see Brad being wounded...by forces unknown:

Kinda creepy, if you asked me.

Brad Penny Is Still Making Friends

From Big League Stew, an update on former Dodger Brad Penny, who decided to get in a spat with his catcher during the middle of an at-bat at Comerica Park:

In the heat of a particularly frustrating afternoon for the Detroit Tigers on Thursday, right-hander Brad Penny(notes) and catcher Victor Martinez(notes) squabbled with each other in plain sight in front of more than 30,000 fans at Comerica Park.

The Angels roughed up Penny for seven runs over 3 2/3 innings, his worst statistical outing with Detroit, in a 12-7 victory for Los Angeles. Perhaps the ugliest detail: home fans booing their own team in the fourth inning when Penny and Martinez shouted at each other with the Tigers on defense.

Though the teammates exchanged only words, along with some hostile body language, the argument went on long enough that pitching coach Jeff Jones emerged from the dugout to calm everyone down. He even had to lightly restrain Penny from getting in Martinez's face.

Poor Brad Penny. So misunderstood.

Game 74 Thread: June 20 vs. Tigers, 7p

Clayton Kershaw (6-3, 3.28) vs. Brad Penny (5-5, 4.93).

Jabba the Hutt is a suitable metaphor for Penny, reflecting not only Penny's large girth but also his despicable behavior following his departure from the Dodgers, clearing out his locker early following an injury-plagued 2008 season (his last with the Dodgers), and firebombing relations with then-Dodgers coach Larry Bowa.

Penny came back in 2009 as a Giant and beat Chad Billingsley up in SF, but got hammered the following week in LA, lasting only 2.2 IP and giving up three HR..

Since then, Penny rolled on and off the DL (literally) for the Cardinals in 2010 (we missed seeing him that year, as a result), as well as got engaged to a Ukrainian ballroom dancer who posed for Playboy (May 2011), has two lateral chins, and a last name like a cheap vodka. And now Penny's a Tiger, with one win in his last five starts, making a rare interleague appearance against the Dodgers. (Accuscore has us as a 61% likely winner tonight.)

Hey look, it's Jackoff/Smirnoff! America! What a country!

But no, I'm not obsessing about seeing this guy again, salivating over the opportunity to get back at Penny in spades. Really, I should be more respectful of our two-time All-Star's return to Chavez Ravine, welcoming him with open arms and warm wishes. Looking forward to seeing you tonight, Brad!

This Is What Being Classy Gets You

From "Tigers Designate Galarraga For Assignment" at MLBTR:

One day after agreeing to terms with him on a $2.3MM contract for 2011, the Tigers have designated Armando Galarraga for assignment. The team announced the move on Twitter, while making its deal with Brad Penny official.

And Galarraga's being replaced by Brad Penny, who's dating some "Dancing with the Stars" babe. There is no justice in the world.

Yet Another Shot To The Nuts

Usually when you read "shot to the nuts" and hear that it's about the Cardinals, it's a good thing for Dodger fans. Not this time.

Former Dodger Brad Penny, who napalmed bridges exiting from the Dodgers, looks like he's on track to come back from the DL before the end of the season:

ST. LOUIS -- St. Louis Cardinals right-hander Brad Penny is optimistic he'll pitch again this season. He's just not sure when.

Penny, sidelined since late May with an upper back injury, said Monday he's played catch every day for about a week, but the team has yet to schedule a bullpen session.

"Just playing catch," Penny told The Associated Press. "No changed status for me, at all. I'll be able to tell you something when I find out."

Manager Tony La Russa seemed more enthusiastic than Penny, who's 3-4 with a 3.23 ERA in nine starts. Penny signed a one-year, $7.5 million free agent contract in the offseason and is hungry to return to a rotation bolstered by the trade deadline acqusition of Jake Westbrook.

Oh, Penny's hungry all right. We can assure you of that.

The Good and the Bad for Brad Penny

For those of you who missed the highlights last night in St. Louis: former Dodger Brad Penny was potent at the plate but had to leave after three innings with a back injury:

ST. LOUIS -- Swinging a bat was just fine for Brad Penny, who hit a grand slam in the third inning. Pitching was another matter.

The St. Louis Cardinals right-hander aggravated an upper back injury from the previous start and had to leave the cushion he created with the bullpen after only three innings of a 9-5 victory over the Los Angeles Angels on Friday night.

The Cardinals were unsure of the severity of the injury and scheduled an MRI exam for Saturday morning.

"It was something I was trying to deal with between starts," Penny said. "I couldn't have pitched that last inning, there was no way. The first inning, I felt incredible. The second inning, I felt OK and the third inning, I started feeling a little worse."

Penny said he didn't inform the team after his last start in Cincinnati, in which he allowed seven runs on 13 hits in five innings, that something felt wrong. Manager Tony La Russa said that wasn't unusual, that players are constantly judging whether they're hurt or just sore, but admitted concern.

"My mood stinks, so you'll have to suffer with me," he told reporters. "I'm definitely worried. I'd like to find out."

A grumpy Brad Penny? Haven't seen that before.

I'd Call That a Bargain

Thanks to SoSG reader Bryan for noting a FanGraphs article at ESPN.com (Insider only) detailing bargain contracts of 2010. Of the five players listed, three are current or former Dodgers:

1. J.D. Drew, Red Sox (2007 -- five years, $70 million)

2. Ryan Dempster, Cubs (2009 -- four years, $52 million)

3. Casey Blake, Dodgers (2009 -- three years, $18 million)

In the first year of his new contract, he was incredibly valuable to Los Angeles, registering an .832 OPS while playing excellent defense at third. That performance was worth $20.7 million, so he's already paid for himself. That's some good news for Dodgers fans, considering the team gave up catcher Carlos Santana, one of the best prospects in baseball, in the trade to get him.

4. Juan Rivera, Angels (2009 -- three years, $12.75 million)

5. Brad Penny, Cardinals (2010 -- one year, $7.5 million)

Like a BrAD PENNY...

...I always turn up. But unlike a certain former Dodger, I don't turn up at the Playboy mansion. According to Maria Venus (on Howard Stern this morning), Pauly Shore, Jared Leto, Billy Corgan, and Brad Penny used to hit on her all the time. I have to admit, being one degree of separation from Pauly Shore has been both my biggest hope and biggest fear. (Never heard of Maria Venus? Nobody has. But, she looks like this...)

And unlike Brad, I never turn up on stage with rock/MMA star Chuck Liddell.

And unlike Mr. Penny, I've never turned up in Alyssa Milano's bedroom. Or in the pages of her new book (which is being released on paperback next week. Buy it here and help a fellow Dodger Blogger climb the Amazon charts from rank #682,730).

Carl Pavano — Yes. Tom Glavine — No. Barry Zito — Yes. Josh Beckett — God, no (although I do think he is an amazing pitcher). Brad Penny — Yes. Russell Martin — No.

OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me preface this by saying, I am friends with almost all my exes that I have had substantial relationships with. Except for one guy who wasn't a ballplayer but was a player nevertheless and just an overall jackass (you know who you are). Carl, Barry and Brad are amazing guys, and I have nothing but respect for them. I really look back on that time of my life with great fondness. I don't have much of a social life, but I do have season tickets for the Dodgers.

Penny Moves To Land Where Nut Shots Are King

Matt Holliday's nuts just got some company (at least until Holliday signs with someone else), as disgruntled former Dodger turned disgruntled former Red Sock turned disgruntled former Giant Brad Penny signed with St. Louis:

The St. Louis Cardinals and right-handed pitcher Brad Penny have agreed to a deal, sources told ESPN The Magazine's Buster Olney.

Penny's one-year contract is worth $7.5 million and contains $1.5 million in performance bonuses, according to sources. The deal is pending a physical, which will likely be done on Tuesday.

Penny recently turned down a one-year offer to stay with San Francisco. The two-time All-Star quickly drew interest from the NL Central champion Cardinals, facing the loss of free-agent pitchers Joel Pineiro, John Smoltz and Todd Wellemeyer.

$7.5M? That's a lot of Dushkus! But St. Louis is ecstatic to bring a man of peace to the Midwest.

Enjoy, Cardinals fans!

How Dare You Call Me Fat

Okay, maybe when I was with the Red Sox. But I was svelte when I was with the Dodgers!

What the&mdash?! This conversation is over!

SF Chronicle, Peacemaker

After living in the Bay Area mutliple times, I found it difficult to find any practical use for their newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle (which we affectionately called "The San Francisco Comical"). Unless you're a 49ers fan, the paper isn't worthwhile: the news coverage is a series of wire feeds, Herb Caen is dead and his column long gone, and the rest of the paper is so provincial in focus, one would mistake it for a paper from a small coastal town like Monterey rather than one of the nation's largest cities.

But it looks like beyond the press room, the Comical is reaching out and trying to solve world peace. And step one was its role in trying to bridge the Brad Penny - Larry Bowa rift, which the ESPN article hysterically entitled "Penny-Bowa beef 'over with' after talk":

San Francisco Giants right-hander Brad Penny and Los Angeles Dodgers coach Larry Bowa were miles apart on several key issues.

Bowa questioned Penny's work ethic and commitment.

Penny questioned Bowa's integrity.

But that was before Saturday, when they met privately before a 9-1 Dodgers victory.

"Me and Larry talked and it's over with," Penny said, according to the Los Angeles Daily News. "We both apologize. He wished me the best of luck and I wished him the best of luck."

Acquired last month from the Boston Red Sox in a deadline waiver deal, Penny was plagued by a shoulder injury in 2008 before leaving in the offseason as a free agent.

A two-time All-Star with the Dodgers in 2006 and '07, he was set to face his former team Sunday for the first time as a Giant.

"I never doubted he was hurt. The only thing I had a problem with was his work ethic," Bowa said Friday, according to The San Francisco Chronicle. "If you're hurting, you can still go outside and run. You can still attend meetings. You can help young kids on how to pitch certain guys. You can be on time. That's all.

"He didn't go to meetings. He didn't do anything."

The Comical apparently brokered the summit, clearly putting its effort behind the weightiest issues facing the Bay Area. Way to go, guys! Let's send a team out to Afgahnistan, stat.

Vin Scully, on Crossing the Line

Jackie Robinson, Sal Maglie and Carl Furillo.

Vin Scully, from yesterday's telecast:

Maybe it's a turnabout, I mean I can remember a long time ago, when the number-one Giant pitcher, his name was Sal Maglie, and he had the nickname of "The Barber."

The reason they called him "The Barber" — not because he cut hair, but to use the old slang, he would give the hitters a shave. It'd be a fastball under the chin, and then a slider down and away.

And for Maglie, he was really hated in the borough of Brooklyn.

And then one day, a trade, and Maglie wound up with the Dodgers, rooming with a fella for whom he had all kinds of battles, Carl Furillo.

And then the cap? He pitched a no-hitter, did Maglie, against the Phillies, and a star was born and forgiven at the same time.

Brad Penny, now in a Giant uniform, makes his first pitch down and away....

Post-Game 144 Thread: Giants in for a Penny, Dodgers in for a Pounding

GIANTS 7, DODGERS 2

The Dodgers won this series but couldn't give their fans what they wanted most: A well-deserved shellacking of Brad Penny. Instead, the rotund starlet-dating Oklahoman found further refuge in the NL, holding the Dodgers to five hits and two runs over seven innings. Chad Billingsley threw another worrisome four innings, allowing three runs (two on a Juan Uribe two-run homer) while striking out six. Joe Torre yanked him after only 70 pitches. As Vin said, the Billingsley story will not be lost in the shuffle.

The good news? Russell Martin hit his second multi-run homer in as many games, and the Padres beat the Rockies, 7-3. The Dodgers' official magic number drops to 16, and the Pirates come to town tomorrow. See you then!

photo by Eric Risberg/AP

Game 144 Thread: Sept. 13 @ Frisco, 1p

The last words of Brad Penny's scale.

Chad Billingsley (12-9, 3.93) vs. Brad Penny (9-8, 5.15).
DODGERS' MAGIC NUMBER: officially 17, practically 16 (see comments)

COMMENTS: Everything you need to know about today's matchup, from Henry Schulman of the San Francisco Chronicle:

[Brad Penny] is scheduled to pitch at China Basin against his former team, the Dodgers, on Sept. 13. Told that there'll be 42,000 people there who hate the Dodgers, Penny smiled and said, "42,001."

Penny Looks So Good In Halloween Colors

I am still trying to wrap my head around this, as are other Giants fans, who have called the Giants' pickup of Brad Penny "one of the all-time meh moves. The fact of the matter is, even the heavily-publicized duo of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain gets you at most one incremental win through a five-man rotation when you've got Joe Martinez in the fifth slot (his no-hitter notwithstanding my bad, thanks HLACK).

Besides the obvious anticipation of getting to play Penny on the Giants, the point is, our issues trying to figure out the back end of our starting rotation (if not Vicente Padilla or Charlie Haeger or Jon Garland) are common to everyone else, too. And unlike the Giants, we don't need to have the fifth starter win every game from here on out, with a 5.5 game lead going into the final month.

I also have to post a sweet photo montage from Big League Stew, who used the accompanying article to address Penny's ballooning weight issue (which has tended to eclipse all other descriptions of Penny (literally)). Guess Kung Fu Panda had better make sure he's first in line at the post-game spread, for now on.

Zombie Remaking Blob; Giants Sign Penny

Rob Zombie to remake 'The Blob' (Variety)

Giants add Penny for pitching depth (MLB.com)

UPDATE: Rockies Acquire Jose Contreras (MLB Trade Rumors)

(Thanks to SoSG readers Dusty Baker and Bryan for the Penny tip!)

Here's a Crazy Idea

Brad Penny. There, I said it.

His numbers: 6-3, 4.71 ERA (99 ERA+), 62 Ks, 1.48 WHIP, 2.14 K/BB, 5.96 K/9.

Why?

1. We're not going to land a big fish. The Blue Jays are either going to keep Roy Halladay or trade him to a prospect-rich team (i.e., not the Dodgers). Cliff Lee is so affordable for the next two years, the Indians would have to be bowled over to trade him. (Ned Colletti? Not the bowling type.) Javier Vazquez hates the West Coast so much he has a no-trade clause to teams there. (Fine. We didn't want you anyway.)

2. The Phillies just got deeper. Who knows how much Pedro Martinez has left in the tank? We're about to find out, because he just signed with the Phillies*, who are also the front-runners for Halladay. And if the Phillies end up signing Halladay, the road to the World Series goes through Philadelphia.

3. The Dodgers' internal options are dwindling. Eric Milton is probably out for the season. Eric Stults is progressing nicely from a thumb injury, but how many major-league starts can the Dodgers get him before the July 31 trading deadline? With Hiroki Kuroda yet to regain his rhythm and Jeff Weaver looking more comfortable out of the bullpen, the Dodgers' trade priority should be for a starter, not a reliever.

4. He's affordable. Chad Billingsley and Clayton Kershaw have been mentioned in Halladay trade rumors, which is just robbing Peter, Paul & Mary. On the other hand, Penny probably wouldn't cost major-league talent. The Red Sox already have a surplus of starters and no major holes in their lineup (possibly excepting shortstop), so trading minor-leaguers should get a deal done.

5. It'll be just like old times. First order of business: Brad and Larry need to hug it out. Larry Bowa, that is. Larry sniped at Brad, then Brad sniped at Larry. It's time to restore order to the curmudgeonly universe. Then Eliza Dushku can dump Rick Fox and it'll be like Penny never left.

*UPDATE: and promptly went on the DL (ESPN.com).

UPDATE: Time To Bring Up Jason Schmidt (Eric Stephen, True Blue LA)

AP photo

Penny Follows Lowe's Act

We know what former Dodger starter Derek Lowe did in his first start. But how about the other starter that got away, Brad Penny? From MLB.com:

Thanks to the [Red Sox's] timely offense, Brad Penny came up a winner in his debut for his new team. Penny was hardly spectacular, but he got the job done, allowing three runs over six innings to earn a quality start. The big righty walked two and struck out two, throwing 86 pitches.

With every Dodgers move to the DL, or every struggle of our young starters, we're going to hear more and more about the ones that got away, or the ones that we didn't sign. And somewhere, Pedro Martinez is smiling.

photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images