Wednesday, August 06, 2008

"Ah! It's A Profit Deal!...Take A Chance And Win Some Crap!"

Yesterday evening, while listening to Josh Suchon (with guest host Jerry Reuss calling in from St. Louis) admirably fill time on the radio during the first rain delay in the Dodgers-Cardinals game, Suchon said something which made me recall one of my favorite movies.

Suchon, in describing the Manny Ramirez deal, basically said (and I'm paraphrasing) that deals of that magnitude would always be decided by Dodger owner Frank McCourt, while deals of smaller size would be managed by Dodger GM Ned Colletti. The rationale, Suchon explained, is that the Ramirez deal "was a business decision," I suppose because of Manny's impact on ticket and merchandising sales.

So I can only conclude that all the heaping sacks of money we've pissed away on folks on the disabled list (Jason Schmidt) or should-be-on-the-disabled list (Andruw Jones) are NOT business decisions (which are Colletti's). Nor are any of the myriad moves--albeit misguided, but moves nonetheless--that Colletti has done to try and add players like Nomar, Casey Blake, Juan Pierre, Danny Ardoin, Chan Ho Park, etc.) to the squad. Roster construction, and by extension winning games, is not a business decision. On non-Manny deals, have at it, Ned!

All his made me think about Ned Colletti as being the rube at the carnival. He's the GM of the team with the third-largest payroll in baseball, and he can win any prize on the shelves...as long as it's between this area and this area, not including the big prizes on the top shelf, or this player, or a deal with this team, or this size of deal. Other than that, he can chase and win any prize:

The Jerk (Screenplay, Steve Martin and Carl Gottlieb)

Navin: For one dollar I'll guess you weight, your height, or your sex. The most exciting thing on the midway. Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional. You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser. How about you sir? Step right up!
Carnival Rube: Hey honey, let's see how good this guy is. What'd I win?
Navin: Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers.
Carnival Rube: No sir! Come on honey! He thought he had a rube.
Navin: Frosty, I'm no good at this.
Frosty: Aw, come on, Navin, you're doing fine.
Navin: I've already given away eight pencils, two hula dolls and an ashtray and I've only taken in fifteen dollars.
Frosty: Navin, you have taken in fifteen dollars and given away fifty cents worth of crap, which gives us a net profit of fourteen dollars and fifty cents.
Navin: Ah! It's a profit deal! Takes the pressure off! Get your weight guessed right here! Only a buck! Actual live weight guessing! Take a chance and win some crap!

I hear McCourt is picking out a thermos for Colletti, too.

3 comments:

Delino DeShields said...

Not an ordinary thermos would do...

Delino DeShields said...

Does he also "Hate These Cans?"

Steve Sax said...

If we had kept away from the (tomato) cans, we never would have signed Andruw Jones or Juan Pierre.