No, this is not a roast joke c/o (fellow Quaker) Whitney Cummings. From the NY Post:
LOS ANGELES -- Charlie Sheen paid $22,500 to bail former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny "Nails" Dykstra out of jail, TMZ reported Tuesday. Dykstra, who was charged earlier this month with bankruptcy fraud, was held on $150,000 bail for nearly a week until Sheen put forward 15 percent of the payment.
Sheen said, "The rendition guilty trolls that kidnapped my dear friend Nails clearly forgot that he's a fellow Vatican assassin and his best pal is a warlock."
Dykstra has previously come to Sheen's aid, hiring a top lawyer to negotiate the troubled actor's return to "Two and a Half Men" after the 45-year-old was fired from the sitcom in March.
Prosecutors claim that Dykstra, 48, sold $400,000 worth of items from his $18 million mansion in southern California without permission. He faces up to five years in a federal prison if convicted. As well as fraud charges, the former three-time All-Star was being investigated by the LAPD for lewd conduct after a woman claimed he stripped off and requested a massage when he interviewed her for a housekeeper role.
Good to know that Vatican assassins and Warlocks have such a strong bond.
Apparently, when Dykstra took out a few hundred dollars from his wallet (while squatting in his now empty mansion) to show Real Sports he was financially sound, he was LYING. For shame.