Friday, February 06, 2009

Go Dogers!

There are typos, there are nicknames, and there are head-scratchers. And there are enough of all three to assemble an all-alternative universe starting lineup. Ladies and gentlemen, your Los Angeles Dogers:

pos. "player" comments
C
J. MARTIN
Can't wait until spring training to see what Russell Martin's new mother-homaging jersey will look like? Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness and Vin Scully Is My Homeboy have got you covered.
1B
JAMES LOONEY
Oh, the disrespect! Let's hope entrenching himself at first base will make the name of James Loney known to all the employees of office supply retailers in the greater metropolitan Los Angeles area.
2B
JOYCE DeWITT
Certainly Blake DeWitt has never heard this insult before. A solid 2009 will ensure we never use it again.
3B
JEFF DANIELS
Second place: Casey at the Bat. Your salt-of-the-earth Midwestern ways leave us little room for mockery, Casey Blake!
SS
FURKY
An unfortunate nickname, to be sure. Although we hear Turtle Island Foods, manufacturer of Tofurky®, is ecstatic about Rafael Furcal's decision to remain in vegetarian-friendly Los Angeles.
LF
SALTY DOG
Let's clear this up: Diamond reported Juan Pierre didn't want to "walk around...salty" after his demotion last year. Although "walk around salty" is a delicious turn of phrase, Ken Gurnick heard "walking around sulking." Which might make a little more sense.
CF
THE BISON
Not only is Matt Kemp aware of his nickname, he has apparently embraced it. Kemp may not be as popular as Martin or make the ladies swoon like Ethier, but he definitely has the coolest nickname.
RF
ADAM ETHIER
Turns out Adam Ethier actually exists; he's Andre Ethier's brother, so the mix-up is understandable—except to Dodger fans. Let's just say ESPN won't be confusing any of the Red Sox with their brothers. (Somewhere Dustin Pedroia breathes a sigh of relief.)
P
ROGER KURODA
Confusing Andre and Adam I get. But Hiroki and...Roger? Don't let the correction fool you; someone really thought "Hiroki Kuroda" but wrote "Roger Kuroda." We don't know why, but this pleases us to no end.

Play orb!

1 comments:

Eric Karros said...

"Bills and Roger and let's go Dogers!"