Friday, January 30, 2009

Things I Don't Understand: Ed Hardy T-Shirts

Ed Hardy does what "Bonds on Bonds" could not: make Barry smile.


Having declared it effete, I've placed a personal moratorium on using the word douchebag. But I'm gonna dust off the old 'bag for the latest TIDU in order to ask: Have you noticed Los Angeles has a lot of douchebags? Seriously, it's true! And all our douchebags seem to be wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts.

"So it's just a bunch of random douchebags," you say. "What does this have to do with baseball?" Well, it turns out baseball's finest douchebags—see above and below—have also cottoned to Hardy.

"I wonder if Joe Torre approves of this shirt."


So why is the modern-day douchebag so inextricably drawn to these garish, overpriced pieces of "Vintage Tattoo Wear"? The answer lies in that slick marketing phrase:

  • VINTAGE. "Vintage" means "old." I do not believe Christian Audigier is selling used clothes here. Therefore people are willingly buying new clothes manufactured to look old. Just like "antique" furniture! The hipster T-shirt revolution has reached Rodeo Drive!

  • TATTOO. Tattoos were intended for your skin. But now you can wear a T-shirt with a tattoo design silk-screened onto it, making temporary tattoos seem like a long-term commitment in comparison. It's edgy! Except not!

    This is just the latest step in the co-opting of what once was outlaw culture. Permanence has been bastardized into transience, corrupting the original spirit of the art form. (The same phenomenon in reverse? See: graffiti art.)

  • WEAR. Also known as "clothes." But call it "Wear" and you can charge a 500% markup! Would you pay $62 to $187 for a T-shirt? If you said yes, then your BMW is double-parked outside. No I do not know who you are. You dropped your Bluetooth headset.

So there we have it: incontrovertible proof that wearing a Ed Hardy T-shirt makes one a douchebag. Wait—what's this?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They got you, Russell!

Et tu, Andre? What can I say? Kids will be kids!

If only I could reinforce my original thesis....

WHEW!

Earlier at SoSG: Things I Don't Understand: The Highlighter Person at Costco, Things I Don't Understand: Tahiti Village

Thanks to Vin Scully Is My Homeboy for finding the Ethier picture.

9 comments:

DanGarion said...

Those shirts are so ghey. I really don't get them. Not a fan of trendy shirts like that.

Erin said...

I really, really hate those shirts.

Eric Karros said...

(quietly changes out of Ed Hardy shirt)

Yeah man, those shirts are L-A-M-E.

Eric Stephen said...

You can safely stick to the original "Ed Hardy shirts = Douchebag" thesis if you subscribe to this theory.

Ethier and Martin used to have the same agent, Bob Garber. They now each have different agents. Since we have no proof when these photos were taken, I choose to believe our beloved Dodgers simply could not stand wearing the awfulness anymore and that's why they fired their agent.

Now we're back to a 100% douchyness ratio for the shirts.

Neeebs said...

Eric, were you taking clothes from my closet again?

Alex Cora said...

y = r cubed over 3 = Har de har har!!!!!

Steve Sax said...

Is the "buy now" over Andruw Jones' picture referring to the Ed Hardy schlock, or Jones?

Steve Sax said...

This is so awesome, we're getting Ed Hardy google ads now. Love it.

Orel said...

Does that qualify as ironic?