Year of the Rat?

First, I get a rat in my Burbank home. Who's now in that big cheese platter in the sky.

Then, the NY Post goes all Ratnado with their headlines. Of course, one has to do with our favorite suspected HGH partaker.

Two rat headlines!?!?! The Post better be careful, or someone might accuse them of being less than a reputable news source.

LCS Games Thread: Oct. 18

Hey, I just met you, etc., etc., etc.

1 p.m. PT: Yankees (CC Sabathia) @ Tigers (Max Scherzer).
5 p.m. PT: Giants (Tim Lincecum) @ Cardinals (Adam Wainwright).

Last chance for A-Rod to get digits!

Last chance for Timmeh to get lit up!

Plenty of chances for Dodger fans to look forward to 2013!

Yankees' Woes Don't Stop with A-Rod

Found this pretty interesting. From Tom Verducci at SI.com:

I wrote back in January about how [Mark] Teixeira, coming off a .256 season, is so mechanically unsound that he is going to continue to decline. Teixeira collapses on his back side and swings up on the ball. I wrote then, "The style means Teixeira must catch the ball out in front of him and leaves him prone to lifting the ball rather than driving through it. As he ages, Teixeira becomes an even more extreme fly ball hitter and pull hitter, trends that mean he will continue to lose points off his batting average." [...]

His batting average on balls in play has dropped every year with the Yankees: .302, .268, .239. That's not unlucky. It's symptomatic of his hitting style. His fly ball rate has increased every year as a Yankee (37 in 2008, followed by 44, 46, 47). His infield pop-ups, which are no different than strikeouts, and were as low as 14 in 2008, have grown to 21, 30 and 27 as a Yankee.

Teixeira's swing simply is not built to make him a consistent clutch hitter. After coming to the Yankees with a .308 average with runners in scoring position in 2008, he hasn't come close to that kind of reliability with New York (.264, .273, .268) -- especially in the postseason environment.

Teixeira turns 32 years old next season. The Yankees already have age-related issues with Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. You can put Teixeira in that category, not because of health, but because his pull-happy, fly ball swing is the kind that doesn't age well, sort of like those of J.D. Drew and Adam Dunn.

According to Cot's Baseball Contracts, Teixeira is under contract until 2016 and is making $22.5 million annually. A-Rod is signed through 2017 and will make $29 million next year alone. Jeter is signed through 2013, averaging $16.5 a year, and has a 2014 player option. Something to think about as we lust after Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols.

Yanks This!

I much prefer this non-clutch A Rod.

0 for 4

3 K

3 LOB

WINNING!

Six Faces of Cool

Or maybe my math's off. Four faces of cool.

Two faces of tool.

Tainted (Self) Love

Having been a Garrett-Anderson-level (circa 2010) hitter in my one year of Little League, I'm impressed with anyone who gets even six hits... much less six hundred hits... or six hundred homeruns. Yet I've got to put some ink on this notable accomplishment.

* - For admitting to usage of performance enhancement drugs that may have turned a 100 fly balls into a 100 dingers.

* - For this...

Don't get me wrong - I like a villain as much as the next guy.

Still, there was this little part of me that hoped A-Rod stayed at 599 forever. Not for the steroids. Just cause he's an (exceedingly talented) douche.

PS - I almost added another asterisk for this...

The Secret of Their Success

Minka v. Kate

From "Kate Hudson Feels Minka Kelly Brushback" at the New York Post:

She made it past third base with Alex Rodriguez, but Kate Hudson isn't getting a warm reception at the plate from Minka Kelly, longtime squeeze of Yankee captain Derek Jeter. At home games in The Bronx, things between the two photogenic actresses are frostier than the new stadium's $9 beer, according to spies.

"There's been visible coldness between Minka and Kate," an insider told The Post's Lachlan Cartwright. "I don't know if it's a personal thing, or just an extension of the ongoing A-Rod-Jeter rivalry." Our source added, "People are choosing sides."

Hudson seems to have gotten an early thumbs-up from veteran Yankee wives Michelle Damon and Laura Posada, whose stamp of approval is crucial, a source said. Kevin Spence, who ranks player wives and girlfriends on WAGrankings.com, noted: "It would be the best reality show ever if they would allow a camera to follow them around. I think tensions and jealousy will grow in time.

Though on "Friday Night Lights," Minka has convincingly played a character who goes from virgin to whore and back again (sometimes in the same episode), the smart money's on Kate Hudson. After all, she's been in the trenches before when it comes to matters of the heart.

JP to A-Rod in Five Easy Steps

One guy has 554 career home runs. The other guy has thirteen. So who would have thought you could go from Juan Pierre to Alex Rodriguez in only 5 steps? But you can (actually, there are technically 5 photos but only 4 'steps' between them...but we're sticking with saying 5 steps). In anycase, here are the steps illustrated below:

So your task is to correctly label each of the 5 photos such that the transition from JP to A-Rod adheres to but a single rule: you can only change two letters per step.

This puzzle does not count towards the PCS standings, but whoever gets it first can put me down as a reference on their next job application.

Get to it!*

Solution here

*Alternatively, if you can't figure out what the hell I'm talking about, you can instead discuss who above looks the most unhappy: A-Rod, JP, or the guy in photo 2.

B---h T--s' Greatest Sin

It's Thursday, which means a new wave of Alex Rodriguez scandal. ESPN.com brings us an allegation that A-Rod took steroids while with the Yankees (despite his claims otherwise), leading to a fascinating nickname for him:

["A-Rod" author Selena] Roberts broke the story that A-Rod failed a steroid test in 2003. Yankees teammates, Roberts writes in the book, nicknamed Rodriguez "B---h T--s" in 2005 because he put on 15 pounds in the offseason that resulted in round pectorals, a condition called gynecomastia that can be caused by anabolic steroids.

Roberts also writes that Rodriguez took steroids in high school, when his bench-press max increased from 100 to 310 pounds over a period of six months (hey Alex—I can totally relate).

However, these latest steroid stories shouldn't really damage A-Rod's reputation further. The public tends to have a pretty short memory about stuff like this, partially because of media saturation, but also because most people can relate to the desire to be the best at all costs.

But...there's another allegation about Rodriguez that would truly earn him the name of B---h T--s. From SI.com:

The book, as first reported by the New York Daily News, claims Rodriguez, while playing shortstop for the Texas Rangers, tipped opposing batters about what pitches were coming in lopsided games. Rodriguez, according to the book, tipped those players so they could reciprocate and provide him with what pitches were coming in one-sided games so that he could pad his batting statistics.

Stealing signs? Sure, part of the game. But tipping pitches to THE OTHER TEAM?

From Roberts herself:

When games were already decided, they noticed this behavior with Alex where he would do very obvious signs, presumably to an opposing hitter who would be a middle infielder on an opposing team, where they believed that he would tip the signs. [...]

What this was all part of was a quid pro quo, according to the people I spoke with. Alex would tip his middle infielder buddy on the other team and the player on the other team would in turn tip Alex. What it was was slump insurance. You could count on your buddy to help you break out of your slump, if you're 0 for 3 or you've had a bad week. There was no intent to throw a game or change the outcome.

Hmmm, no throwing games, and only during blowouts. Forgivable? Nope! Although this activity technically falls under the rubric of "being the best at all costs," a line has (allegedly) been crossed: betraying your team. People hate a rat. And if these allegations are true, then B---h T--s is a rat.

Bud Selig, your comments?

"I'm not going to respond until I see the book," Selig told SI.com. "I just heard about it."

Oh. Okay.

What Alex Rodriguez Does While on the DL

Who's the Prettiest of Them All?

Two Megan Fox references, zero Megan Fox pictures. Consider that remedied. But wait! There's a baseball connection!

The Difference Between MLB and the NFL Right Now

From ESPN.com's top headlines:

Insert Ironic Asterisk Joke Here

Wait, Which One Was on Steroids?

Sources tell SI Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 (SI.com)

Rodriguez photo by Icon/SMI

Things I Don't Understand: Ed Hardy T-Shirts

Ed Hardy does what "Bonds on Bonds" could not: make Barry smile.

Having declared it effete, I've placed a personal moratorium on using the word douchebag. But I'm gonna dust off the old 'bag for the latest TIDU in order to ask: Have you noticed Los Angeles has a lot of douchebags? Seriously, it's true! And all our douchebags seem to be wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts.

"So it's just a bunch of random douchebags," you say. "What does this have to do with baseball?" Well, it turns out baseball's finest douchebags—see above and below—have also cottoned to Hardy.

"I wonder if Joe Torre approves of this shirt."

So why is the modern-day douchebag so inextricably drawn to these garish, overpriced pieces of "Vintage Tattoo Wear"? The answer lies in that slick marketing phrase:

• VINTAGE. "Vintage" means "old." I do not believe Christian Audigier is selling used clothes here. Therefore people are willingly buying new clothes manufactured to look old. Just like "antique" furniture! The hipster T-shirt revolution has reached Rodeo Drive!

• TATTOO. Tattoos were intended for your skin. But now you can wear a T-shirt with a tattoo design silk-screened onto it, making temporary tattoos seem like a long-term commitment in comparison. It's edgy! Except not!

  This is just the latest step in the co-opting of what once was outlaw culture. Permanence has been bastardized into transience, corrupting the original spirit of the art form. (The same phenomenon in reverse? See: graffiti art.)

• WEAR. Also known as "clothes." But call it "Wear" and you can charge a 500% markup! Would you pay $62 to $187 for a T-shirt? If you said yes, then your BMW is double-parked outside. No I do not know who you are. You dropped your Bluetooth headset.

So there we have it: incontrovertible proof that wearing a Ed Hardy T-shirt makes one a douchebag. Wait—what's this?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They got you, Russell!

Et tu, Andre? What can I say? Kids will be kids!

If only I could reinforce my original thesis....

WHEW!

Earlier at SoSG: Things I Don't Understand: The Highlighter Person at Costco, Things I Don't Understand: Tahiti Village

Thanks to Vin Scully Is My Homeboy for finding the Ethier picture.

Dad Speaks Out on A-Rod

Via Diamond, a little TMZ tidbit with Steve Garvey giving advice to Alex Rodriguez.

And multi-tasking, no less!

Well, his nickname is "Rod"

A-Rod's about to find out if he can live on a measly $14 million a year. Just as he passes Mickey Mantle on the HR list, Mr. Rod does his best imitation of Joe Dimaggio (and Kobe Bryant, Shaq, Dennis Rodman, Paul LoDuca, Roger Clemens, Verne Troyer, etc...). Or maybe he's hanging with Madonna to learn more about the Kabalah.

Derek Jeter at least had the good sense to (censored) Mariah Carey before she hit the wall and married hack directors.

A-Rod Off the Market

Report: A-Rod, Yankees agree on outline of $275 million, 10-year contract (AP/ESPN.com)

Don't lose your head, Ned.

I Just Changed My Mind About Miguel Cabrera

Keep the kids!

To hear Ken Rosenthal say it, Alex Rodriguez negotiating with the Yankees is huge loss of face for Scott Boras. From "Boras finally tastes a bit of humiliation":

From the furor over A-Rod opting out during Game 4 of the World Series to Boras' inability to establish the benchmark he wanted, it has been anything but the agent's finest hour....

For once Boras appears to have misread the market. For once, A-Rod didn't appear to act as his puppet. For once, the final, jaw-dropping tally will tell only part of the story.

Buster Olney at ESPN.com seems to agree:

Rodriguez is going to get the largest contract ever in sports, when the I's are dotted and the T's crossed. He'll survive. But Boras' reputation as a savvy negotiator will not. He somehow managed to badly overplay the perfect hand.

Yet I have a hard time believing the most savvy agent in baseball—maybe all of professional sports—has lost control of his star client. Some are suggesting that Boras was complicit in A-Rod's plans. From Tim Brown at Yahoo! Sports:

Meantime, what has been portrayed as an end-around on agent Scott Boras – Rodriguez contacted the Steinbrenners through a third party, believed to be Mitch Modell of "Gotta go to Mo's" sporting goods fame, and initiated Round 2 of negotiations – might actually have been strategic and not a breaking of ranks.

According to those close to the situation, the Yankees did not attempt to bar Boras from future negotiations and, despite appearances, Boras maintains a civil and professional relationship with his client. Indeed, witnesses said Boras was in Miami meeting with Rodriguez for the past several days and was to dine with Rodriguez on Wednesday night.

So when A-Rod signs with the Yankees—and don't hand him any humanitarian awards yet, as he will still sign the largest contract in baseball history and Boras will still receive his commission—how will it affect the Dodgers?

Of course, A-Rod's disappearance from the free agent market will increase Miguel Cabrera's worth to the Marlins. A while back I favored Cabrera over Rodriguez, mainly due to Cabrera's youth. But if acquiring Cabrera costs the Dodgers too many of those seemingly untouchable names—Kemp, Loney, Billingsley, Kershaw—reportedly requested by Florida, it won't be worth it. I don't want to see this team eviscerated.

So if Ned Colletti keeps his head, we get to keep the kids. Then it seems the youngster in jeopardy of being traded is Andre Ethier, as the hopefully exorbitant asking price for Cabrera will make Ned look toward free agent center fielders (Andruw Jones, Torii Hunter, Aaron Rowand), moving Juan Pierre to left and keeping Kemp in right. (We all know it's Pierre who should be jettisoned, but we also know that ain't gonna happen.)

Jeff Kent will start the season at second base, and I expect Ned and Joe Torre to start Nomar at third. Andy LaRoche will start the season in Las Vegas as James Loney did this year, ostensibly to allow him to play every day. Maybe there will be a free agent pitcher signed as well, but with farts like Luis Gonzalez and Shea Hillenbrand gone and with Uncle Joe steering the craft, maybe we can concentrate on baseball next year instead of clubhouse politics.

UPDATE:

As usual, Jon Weisman puts it better than I do.

illustration by Laura Cornell/Kids Off the Couch